W. H. C.

Hilarious Snow Day!

2012-01-07T09:19:00.005-07:00

Its snowing today for the first time since...October? (We're having a bad year) And snow falling outside makes me want to do two things 1. Go skiing and 2. If I can't go skiing then I want to curl up and do nothing but wear fuzzy socks and consume media and warm drinks (not hot drinks, that's the devil's temperature).

So to help you enjoy your snow day, wherever you are, here's some links to some awesome viral videos:

1. I wish I had this much fun when I worked out.

2. "And it starts right now...."

3. This is how you make the day (year?) of a hundred sassy teenage girls. (It takes a minute for the surprise to come. Be patient and enjoy the dancing)

4. So wait...does she work at Ebay or Jamba Juice?

5. This one is 6 minutes long but you get the point after 1.

6. I'm sure you've seen this one but its so adorable I wanted to give you a chance to watch it again. Someday she's going to whistle.

7. Who knew the tiny Olsen twins were racist? Also WTH??

8. The panic in this woman's face is hilarious!

Enjoy! I wish I was skiing.

Top 10 of 2011

2011-12-30T11:15:00.005-07:00

Here's a shortlist of pop culture items I loved in 2011:

1. Best TV (most important things first): This show. I watched a little bit of its first season and didn't care for it much. I felt it was trying too hard to be the Office. But when I moved in September we didn't have Internet or cable for a few weeks so I borrowed season two from the library and really enjoyed it. Its clever, the characters are fully fleshed out, developed and one of the most unique things about it is its kind. I feel like so much of humor on TV is mean spirited. This show is really sweet and its still really funny. Ron Swanson is THE man. In a culture where man children are the norm and there's a perceived crisis of masculinity its refreshing to see a character on TV that is manly to his core.

2. My favorite album this year was this one. I think one of things I like about Coldplay (and what other people like too) is how reliable they are. Its not thought provoking, its not confrontational, its not political its just enjoyable. Their songs are vaguely revolutionary. They build and build and are really about nothing but they somehow make you feel like you belong to something greater. It makes me feel good to be human. So it may not have challenged or changed anything but it sure was enjoyable to listen to.

3. My favorite song I couldn't listen to was this one. I don't think Adele got enough radio play this year. Would someone play that girl's songs? People should really be hearing them. (wink)

4. I'm sad to say that most of my reading this year happened online. But the books I enjoyed the most this year was a young adult series known as the Flavia de Luce Mysteries. They're about a precocious 11 year old girl in 1950 England who has a passion for chemistry and solving mysteries. The author is in his seventies and had a background in engineering before he retired and tried his hand at writing novels. The writing is witty. The characters are colorful. They are a delight.

5. One of my favorite movies was this one. It was charming. Rachel Mccadams was so obnoxiously American (West Coast snob to get more specific). Hemmingway was so hilariously dramatic and literal. The Fitzgerald's were fun and Owen Wilson's baffled enjoyment was well played.

6. I love the Muppets. And I loved the movie. I thought it was a great reincarnation for them. Jason Segel and Amy Adams are probably the most muppety actors working today. I thought the song writing by Bret McKenzie (of Flight of the Concord's) was clever and cute. I just smiled through the whole show. I wish Hollywood put out more movies that weren't mean, violent, sexual or sad and that were just clever and fun. Movies made for the lovers, the dreamers and me.

7. I came a little late to the Netflix game but I would not be honestly chronicling my year if I didn't include it. Instead of reading in bed I've been watching Arrested Development, 30 Rock, Sherlock Holmes, Downtown Abbey and really nerdy documentaries. My brain is probably rotting. Kids these days.

8. Although I would never let it get me kicked off a plane I do like Words with Friends. I've been playing Scrabble online for a few years now. And while I still prefer the traditional Scrabble apps on Facebook and my mobile device (iPod) I'm glad that Words with Friends has hit the big time and I now have many opponents. If you'd like me to kick you trash, please, start a game with me.

9. Spotify hasn't changed my life by any means but I'm really glad that I can see what friends are listening to and check new music out without paying for it. It feels like legal piracy. Which feels pretty good. Its probably really great for new artists. Probably bad news for the music industry at large.

10. I watched Downton Abbey when it originally aired (in January or February?)for the first time here in the states on Masterpiece Theater on PBS. I loved it and thought it was great. I didn't talk about it much because I thought it was one of those nerdy things that only I like and other people think are weird (i.e. dog shows). So I didn't really talk it up. Once it hit Netflix though all my friends were talking about it and I'm glad I could join in the conversation. It was a great miniseries. I'm really excited for the second season this month!

So there are my top 10 favorite pop culture items for 2011. It was a good year. Here's to a great 2012.

Resolution (no not that kind)

2011-12-30T11:09:00.002-07:00

So the resolution to the situation from my previous post (which was two months ago, oy) Came last night.

To summarize: Went out with a guy in August. He texted me to death through September. Quit texting me until November. I finally told him I would love to talk to him and that he should call me sometime. He never did. On December 25, 2011 he wished me a Merry Christmas. Last night he sent me a long text explaining to me that he had a girlfriend and that's why he never asked me out again. (Let me remind you that we went out ONCE in AUGUST)

I responded by deleting his contact information.

I'm tired.

Do I want to know?

2011-11-09T19:43:00.005-07:00

Friends,

I need your honest opinions.

The last date I went on was at the end of August (and it took an inordinate amount of work on my part to happen). The date was fine. He's a nice guy. There weren't really sparks but I left feeling like I would go again if he asked.

He proceeded to text me on a daily basis. Which got a little annoying. But what really bugged is there was never any mention of going out again. The fact that he was texting indicated he was interested so why not follow up with another date, I wondered? So I asked him if he was going to ask me out again. He said he was waiting for the right time. Apparently it never came because after about a month (no joke) of texting it slowly petered out and stopped.

Whatevs, I thought.

Until yesterday. When he texted me again. He asked how I was, what was new, how was teaching etc. etc. This was all during the work day and my answers were admittedly clipped (I was working after all). This evening he rather pertinently asked if I wanted to know how he was doing. I haven't replied because I don't know if I want to know.

The part of me that sounds most like my mom says "Don't judge him you don't know what he's been through. And maybe he could be The One if only you would be more open minded and less picky"

The romantic part of me hopes that The One would never treat me this way.

The desperate part of me is just happy for some attention (remember this is the last date I went on in AUGUST. And no one has even looked at me since then).

The arrogant part of me thinks that he must not know a good thing when he sees it. And if he had any idea what he was missing he'd be breaking down my door this minute.

The spiteful part of me is super mad I don't have a handsome, six figure making boyfriend by now to shove in his face.

The bored part of me wants to let it play out.

The self-respecting part of me knows that I would not tolerate this kind of treatment from a friend. Let alone a boyfriend.

So friends, what do you think? Am I going to ask him how he is? Do I care? I guess it depends what part of me you're asking.

Update: Without me saying anything he just let me know that he was good and that he just bought a new car.

You know you're old when...

2011-09-24T00:14:00.003-06:00

For most of my life my dad has lived in a very remote part of Utah. When I was a kid and he'd come down from his mountain to see me, he and my stepmom had a lot of things they needed to get done while the were in the big city. Things like buy groceries. One of the regular stops they made was at RC Willey. I HATED going to RC Willey. It took so long! It was just standing around, listening to grown-ups talk about boring stuff (side note: When I was very small I used to think that when grown-ups talked to each other they were speaking a different language because I never understood any of it.). Well today, life has come full circle. Today I wandered into RC Willey of my own free will and choice. Because I wanted to. This is how I know I'm old.

Then tonight in a totally unconnected incident my friend Molly told me that she knew she was old when all the players on her favorite sports teams started becoming younger than her.

This got me thinking and I've thought of a whole bunch of those instances. The following is a list of moments when I knew I was old:

When I realized I was older than all the heroines in any coming of age novel I read.
When, as a teenager, pushing my youngest sister around in a shopping cart, I got asked how old my baby was.
Being the oldest of seven and having three siblings over twenty
Getting my health insurance card in the mail with only my name on it.
I realized that Lagoon sucks. And Halloween.
Listening to NPR everyday and liking it.
Being mistaken for a PARENT of a student instead of student (why do they never think I'm a teacher?!)
My two youngest sister's not knowing who Timon and Pumba are
Having to buy toilet paper for the first time
Being able to remember a time before you had to take your shoes off to go through airport security
When, at 14 years old, I got hit on by a Chili's waiter. In front of my mom.

When did you know you were old?

For Your Enjoyment

2011-09-08T18:30:00.002-06:00

From a student during an in class free write:

I like meats from the pig the best like ham, bacon, pork chops and sausage. I even go and make a little wedding for them (they honeymoon in my stomach). I also love ribs. I can eat a full rack of them.

I like people who know what they like.

I have a really good group of seventh graders. They are surprisingly polite and sweet. They are enthusiastic and still childlike unlike eighth and ninth graders who are moody and over it. Also Utah Studies while not a totally thrilling course to teach is perfect for me because I've got the content down pat, which makes things much easier.

Risking my Biscuit

2011-09-04T20:48:00.004-06:00

I moved this weekend. I've lived in the condo in Holladay for two years which is the longest I've lived anywhere since I graduated from high school. Which is kind of significant. During my time there I had six roommates. All but one of them has gotten married or engaged during those two years. I had no complaints about where I was living but its tough and kind of annoying to keep four bedrooms filled when there's no lease and people are getting married every 4-6 months.

So Jill and I (the remaining unmarried roommate if you are keeping score) decided to move to a smaller two bedroom apartment. We've both acknowledged that we're on a slippery slope.

Let me back up. Earlier this spring (about the same time Jill and I were first considering downsizing and relocating) I was chatting with a married friend at work who is the same age as myself. She was telling me how a fellow co-worker struck her as odd because she was in her late 20's, single, rarely went on dates, had one female roommate who she had lived with for quite some time and the pair of them were looking for a new place to live but were having a hard time finding a place that would accommodate their adopted cat and dog. She's telling me this with a raised eyebrow and a tone that suggests something is not quite congruent with this "lifestyle" and the tell-tale signs of devout Mormonism she had seen on this woman.

I became increasingly horrified as I realized that she was describing my life in three or four years if nothing changes. Jill had even suggested to me that if we found a place that would allow pets that we should get a dog. I thought it sounded like a good idea.

Cut to Scene 2: Jill had been invited to a work barbeque and her boss, aware of her relationship status, encouraged her to bring someone. As is the usual with Jill (and myself) she had no male friends she felt comfortable asking. She does home health and so she never really sees any of the people she works with thus doesn't really know any of them. Although she knows all of them are married. Feeling like she might be uncomfortable at the party she called her boss and asked if she could bring her roommate (me). Her boss's reply: "Well, sure, if you want to risk it." Risk what? inquired Jill. "You know, people thinking...." his voice trailed off.

Really folks? Really? Is this what my life is going to be like? People talking about me with raised eyebrows and hinting suggestions? I'm a single, LDS woman. Too old to live with my family, and I'd rather not live alone so what options do I have? This doesn't seem fair.

Good thing Jill and I have a good sense of humor about it. Our ward went mini-golfing for home evening and not having cash, Jill asked if I would spot her for her ticket. I replied "Sure, if you want to risk it". I asked her if she wanted to run to Wal-Mart to pick up some stuff for our new place and she said, "Sure, if you want to risk it".

Apparently we're risking a lot these days.

Are you listening Universe?

2011-07-11T09:16:00.006-06:00

Jillian has suggested to me that if you say out loud (or write) the qualities you would like in a man the Universe, having a wicked and twisted sense of humor, will grant you the opposite. Take my friend Rachelle for example...she always said she would never marry someone who was younger than her nor in the military. She found both those things in the same man that she will wed in August.

So, because my choice has yet to manifest himself I figure I better cover my bases and articulate the things that I DON'T want in such a way that makes me sound like I DO want them in the hopes of tricking the Universe into giving me the perfect man.

It'll probably work.

Listen up Universe!

I want a man who is short enough that his eyes meet my collar bone.
Who is skinny enough I could wrap my arms around him twice.
Who is so young his facial hair is patchy and fuzzy.
Who doesn't have more than a high school education and has no intention of getting more.
Who currently doesn't have a job.
Who spends the time he should be looking for a job playing video games.
He lives with his parents, of course, due to the lack of job and his mom does all his laundry and ironing.
He has an on-again/off-again relationship with the gospel.
He has a problem with porn but tells me he doesn't.
Will only eat at Burger King and hates fruits and vegetables.
Wants to live and die within 10 miles of where he was born. And hates to travel.
Doesn't know where Iraq is on a map.
Who is either so far to the left or right that you can't discuss any issue with him.
Loves guns.
Hates the water.
Never does any house work.
Doesn't like kids.
Asks me for sandwiches.
etc...etc...etc...

I'll stop there. I wouldn't want anyone to accuse me of being picky.

Geography Quiz/FREE MOVIE PASS!!!!!

2011-07-01T15:01:00.003-06:00

(I posted this on Fbook too. If you want to respond I'll see it faster there.)

Check out this map:

It is a visual representation of Facebook users world wide. This map tells us a lot about the world. If you'll notice you can see the definition of some regions of the world while others have no definition. Some of the biggest countries of the world are missing completely. If you can tell me why the following areas of the map are undefined or dark I will give you a free Larry H. Miller movie pass. No joke. If you get the right answers and do not live somewhere where a Larry H. Miller movie pass does you any good I will figure out a prize of equal value. Good luck!

1. Northern Canada -

2. Northern/Central South America -

3. Northern Africa -

4. Central Africa -

5. Western Austrailia -

6. Russia -

7. China -

Inbox me your answers if you don't want anyone else riding your coatails. Otherwise post in the comments!

(I love geography!)

This is for you Becks...

2011-06-26T15:10:00.002-06:00

A few thoughts about summertime which seems to be the destination season. Every other season is just a journey to summertime:

My mom bought me a short sleeved jersey sheath dress to just wear casually for the summer. I've worn it out twice and let me tell you...that dress is going to get me married. Or pregnant more likely. Both times I've had strange men stop and tell me (in nice ways and in naughty ways) what they think of my dress.

I've been given the opportunity to teach swim lessons for a few weeks this summer. The way it all played out has been a much needed reminder that God has a hand in my life. In December our ward had a silent charity auction. The only thing I could think of to offer up was some swim lessons. Our ward has a lot of triathlon buffs and swimming is usually everyone's weakest leg. So I thought someone might be interested in learning better technique. But I didn't really want to do it. I got anxiety about having to be in a swim suit in front of someone, having a pervy dude win it, or worst of all having no one bid. I did it anyway and the guy that won it went on to suggest me as an instructor to his friend who had done all the registration for lessons at the beginning of the summer and was high and dry without an instructor. So during my current employment crisis I've gladly stepped in. I'm getting paid well, mom's are impressed and want to add more lessons which means more money, I'm getting a killer tan, and I'm making great friends with the woman I'm working for. All because I didn't hide under a bushel in December!

Since the end of May I've had the chance to travel quite a bit. I treated myself to a trip to New York for my birthday and went and saw my friends Whit and Chad. I could live in New York just for all the food that's there. You could eat at a different place every night for the rest of your life.

Stray observations: New Yorkers aren't rude, they are just very efficient. I watched a New Yorker curse out a guy trying to get past him as we were de-boarding the plane but then turn around and help an older lady get her bag down and let her go past. I just think there's so little space in that city that every movement or action is meant to be done to maximum effect. Also, in a land where smart phone batteries die quickly, the girl with the paper subway map is king!

Last week I went to Alaska with my Dad's family. My dad in Alaska is like a kid in a candy store. The first morning we were there it was like Christmas morning for him. If they weren't already so established where they are in Dutch John I think they would move there. Alaska is everything you think is is and more: beautiful, remote, dangerous, cold, Repulican, everyone packs, wild. It was really crazy. We went on a hike and our host, my dad's cousin, who works on an oil rig, wore a giant handgun strapped to his chest in case of bears. Yikes. He also drove like a crazy person. I never knew if I should feel safer or more in danger around him. We fished a lot but didn't have much luck. My brother caught a king salmon and we watched a guy land a record breaking 350 pound halibut. That was cool.

My favorite part though was our cruise in the Kenai fjords. I could've done that everyday that we were there. I saw otters, porpoises, seals, sea lions, bald eagles, humpbacks, orcas and we went right up the the face of a glacier and got to see (and hear!) it calve (I don't know why but that's what they call it when the ice breaks of and falls in the ocean). It was really cool.

So that's my summer so far. Garden is growing, so are the weeds. The wedding is fast approaching. And Kerrie finally bit the bullet and bought a ticket out here. I thought she was going to stand me up.

I'm going to do a better job of updating. I can't commit to weekly but maybe biweekly?

Cul de Sac

2011-05-16T21:19:00.002-06:00

Imagine with me a hypothetical situation:

You're a female who was born of goodly parents who were members of the dominant faith in the area in which you were born. From a very early age you were taught about a plan for your mortal and immortal life. We'll call this Plan A. As you grew Plan A was taught to you over and over again by people you loved and trusted until eventually you realized that you had adopted The Plan as a part of yourself. You believed it body and soul and you knew that Plan A was the way you wanted your life to go. There was no other way really.

At about the same time you came to an age (your teens probably) where you realized that life could disappoint you you also realized that you can't control everything to get what you wanted. This was when someone wise told you that you should always be prepared and have a Plan B. You shouldn't forget about Plan A...it was still top priority but you'd be silly and naive to not have a Plan B, given that so much of Plan A depended on circumstances outside your control.

So, you spend a lot of money and a lot of time on Plan B. Its a good plan. It looks good from all angles (*cough summers off cough*) as a less desirable but satisfying substitute for Plan A. One day, all bright eyed and bushy tailed, you're ready to put Plan B into action. (Along the way you may have made some well intentioned but naive missteps trying to force Plan A into happening).

But...through some misguided and unhelpful counseling from a Certain Secondary Education Program at a Certain University and a sudden downturn in the US economy you are virtually unemployable and Plan B is looking like nothing more than an expensive piece of paper. You try for two and a half years to get Plan B to happen and its just not happening...You've reached a dead end. There's no Plan C.

Why didn't somebody tell me I needed a Plan C? Hypothetically...

I'm open to any and all sincere suggestions for a Plan C. I don't know which direction to try in anymore. If you were debt free and unattached what would YOU do?

Yoko Oh-No!

2011-04-12T23:30:00.002-06:00

I doubt I'm the first to make that pun...

I've been watching the Beatle's Anthology on Youtube at school while I do my recording and other mindless housekeeping tasks. I recently got to the part in the narrative where Yoko makes her creepy, unwanted appearance. Of course I don't like Yoko as a rule but today I realized why. Pre-Yoko John was always laughing, smiling, joking. He had a great sense of humor. Then Yoko came around and there wasn't a single smile between the two of them.

Seriously. No smiling. They kept talking about how in love with each other they were but doesn't love make you happy? They look so gloomy and serious all the time.

If I ever fall in love with someone and you see no smiles, please someone do what you have to to get rid of me before I break up the band.

The Interpretation of Amputation

2011-04-11T22:37:00.004-06:00

Couple nights ago I had a dream that I found a small lump on my right hand. In my dream I saw a doctor for something routine like a physical and thought maybe it would be a good idea to show her (the doctor was a woman...I bet you assumed it was a man didn't you? Racist.) the lump.

Without doing anything more than looking at it the doctor gave me some serious news.

Dream Doctor: Yes, we'll have to amputate.

Dream Me: I'm sorry?

DD: Your arm. This is very serious. You'll lose your arm below your elbow.

DM: That seems pretty severe. Don't you want to biopsy it? Or maybe just cut out the lump?

DD: Nope. I've seen this before. Amputation is the only solution.

DM: I think I want a second opinion.

I woke up and did a quick count of my limbs.

Later I shared my dream with my aunt. Who helpfully had her dream book (a book that interprets your dreams...it was like a dream dictionary) out in her car. She ran and got it.

First she looked up lump (see also tumor/cancer) which represented hopelessness, self-pity, loss or waste of life.

Then amputation: something in your life, a belief, is weighing you down, holding you back that you need to let go of or cut loose (a little on the nose maybe). Amputation of the right arm specifically meant that you aren't giving enough to yourself or others (left hand meant you weren't receiving enough).

Finally a doctor in a dream represents a spiritual guide to help you on your path of healing.

Eerily, this kind of hit a mark with me. Maybe my aunt is the next Joseph. I'll keep a sharp eye and see if she predicts the death of a baker.

After the interpretation of my dream my grandma asked my aunt to look up what it meant if she dreamed that she went to Wendover with Brother and Sister Johnson to help them find a condo...the dream dictionary is good... but I don't know if its that good.

Stray Observations

2011-04-02T14:58:00.004-06:00

Last week I learned the hard way to not show un-previewed videos in my classroom. In the thirty seconds it took me to realize we were in trouble and get to the VCR my ninth graders were granted the sight of some wildebeests humping and a topless Masai woman. The room filled with their cries of indignation and faux-lost innocence and threats to tell parents/administration. As soon as I turned it off and told them to get out their books they were all mad we weren't going to forge ahead and finish the video. Everyday since then I've had at least one student ask if we were going to finish that video.

I'm convinced that my geography students will always find the most potentially inappropriate name of a physical feature/place and that's the first one they learn/yell loudest during reviews/never get wrong on a test. This unit's name of choice: Djibouti, natch.

I had a text conversation with my sister recently where she expressed that she wouldn't be upset about not going to prom if it wasn't the only thing people could talk/think about. I told her I felt the same way about marriage or "prom for adults".

Speaking of prom I had a memory the other day of my own prom experience. My date was the class president and somehow I ended up being nominated prom queen (nobody was more surprised than me). The whole thing was rather silly. I remember after the nominations were announced in the morning announcements there were three popular, pretty, cheerleaders in my class seated in front of me. Overhearing their conversation I heard them list the three other nominees...And then ask "Who is the fourth girl?" Indeed. I sat and wondered if I should enlighten them and face their reaction or just let them live in their ignorance.

A student came into class singing the new Lupe single. When I asked him if he liked Lupe he looked surprised and asked "You know Lupe?" I replied in the affirmative. "Did you like, go to high school with him?" Bless his heart.

My ward had a mingle recently. The item served? Corn dogs. Best. Mingle. Ever. I didn't even talk to anybody. Just ate two corn dogs. Best. Mingle. Ever.

Within the 24 hours of April Fool's day I learned that 4 of my friends were pregnant. Only one of them was a joke. Congrats ladies! And happy appendicitis Aaron Bullen!(?)

Picking Flowers

2011-03-06T10:02:00.003-07:00

My Grandpa Barton passed this week. It was expected and honestly a little relieving. For the past couple years he's been deteriorating and it was hard to watch and hard for him to experience, I'm sure.

He was such an active man. Excellent skier and tennis player, savvy businessman, devoted father and husband and a tireless servant of God. He served a full time mission in the central US, as a bishop in California, stake president in Chicago, Mission President in New York, New York and Temple President in Chicago. I'm sad he's gone but glad that he's already probably begun to work on the other side.

In his memory I wanted to share an anecdote that doesn't exist in my memory but one that my mom shared with me at his viewing.

My mom married Mark just after my second birthday. Mark's parents were serving as Mission President in New York City at the time. My brother Ryan showed up nine months later and as soon as he was old enough to travel we went out to spend some time with Grandma & Grandpa Barton. (Coincidentally I celebrated my third birthday on the trip and Elders Hunter and Holland were passing through the mission home at the time and thus were at my third birthday party. Elder Hunter remarked how much I looked like my grandmother but no one had the heart to tell him we weren't related by blood).

When it was time to go to church with Grandma and Grandpa my mom pulled out a new, floral, dress that she had not cleared with me before packing and like any good three year old I refused to wear it. (Apparently I was rather picky about my clothes.) Drama ensued. I was crying, which made the baby cry, which made my mom cry...etc. Mark had me pinned while mom tried to put tights on me. Mom said at one point I bloodied my nose from the fierceness of the struggle. (poor young mom dealing with her unruly child from a previous marriage under the roof of her brand new in-laws who happen to be the mission president of the New York, New York mission.)

At one point my grandma poked her head in and said "Heather, if you don't stop this right now you'll have to go to church in your slip!" "Great!" I replied hopping to my feet (I also had a great love of wearing only my underwear publicly. If you've lived with me you know that not much has changed.)

The battle raged on. Finally my grandpa popped his head in. "Heather, would you like to go out to the garden with me to pick a flower?" The room held its breath. "Yes." "Well, get that pretty dress on and come on!" Done deal.

No little girl can resist picking flowers with her grandpa.

DOA

2011-02-24T22:37:00.005-07:00

Prepare yourselves for something truly awful:

Over the past year I've gone on more blind dates than anyone I know. I've lost count of how many men I've met. No exaggeration. Its far less fabulous than it sounds. I've tried to approach dating with the openest mind ever. I believe that you'll never make a basket if you don't shoot the ball. So I've been shooting the ball a lot.

Essentially my MO has been: if he has the guts to ask me to dinner I have the guts to say yes.

I think I'm done operating that way after tonight.

The back-story is pretty good all on its own but the punchline trumps it so I'll make it short.

At my cousin's wedding luncheon in June, my parents sat at the same table with two single friends of the groom. They were charmed. My mom thought I might enjoy going out with one of them. At the time my mind was at its openest to any and all dating experiences so I agreed. The man was given my number.

It took him 6 months to call me. The phone call was awkward. The lunch date was fine. I didn't hear from him again (which was more than fine) until after my mom had run into him at a mission farewell of one of my brother's friends. He asked about me and that incident must have encouraged him to call me again. After another PAINFULLY awkward phone call earlier this week I agreed to have dinner with him tonight.

The following conversation occurred during dinner and is in no way a fabrication or an exaggeration:

Me (trying to find something interesting to talk about): So do you live alone or do you have roommates?

Him: I have roommates...pause...well I live with my parents...pause...they're eighty so I help take care of them

I've never been great at math but I started crunching some numbers...

Me: So they must have had you pretty late. Were you a surprise there at the end?

Him: I'm not even the end

Me (starting to freak out): You grew up in Cottonwood Heights right? How old is your youngest sibling? Maybe I know them from school.

Him: You're in your 20s right?

Me: yeah...

Him: My youngest sibling is 40...I'm 47

You did not read that incorrectly. I'll type it again to make sure everyone got it...47!!!!!! That's within 5 years of my father and 4 of my mother. I feel sick as I type this.

He knew the date was over as soon as that number dropped. He had to of known (as I did but for very different reasons) that this date was DOA.

BUT WHY DID HE CALL ME IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! First date, fine. Its blind neither of us know what to really expect (except he had met my parents so he had to have had a good guess about my age). But why did he call me for a second when he knew he was so much older than me?

This has really pushed me to my limits. I'm done. Tapping out. I can't do it anymore. No more guilt about missing opportunities. My mind has been so open my brain has obviously fallen out. From now on I'm only going on dates I want to go on. Which is almost the same as saying I'm never going on a date again. I'm adopting a cat, naming her Emily Dickinson, wearing a zip up hoodie to work, keeping my ibuprofen and tampons in a fanny pack and pulling my hair up with a chip clip.

I'm sure this will all look better in the morning right?

Mind Reading

2011-02-13T23:40:00.002-07:00

Remember the frustrations I brought up in this post?

Someone at the SLTrib must have read my mind.

I would love to hear any and all comments with regards to that article.

Oh, and Happy Valentines Day.

Pedestaling

2011-02-06T09:01:00.003-07:00

Such an odd little culture we have isn't it?

I've always been the kind of girl who can do and LIKES to do for herself. I appreciate the offer, home teachers, but I can change a light bulb and take out the garbage myself. You know what else I'm pretty capable of doing? Putting up chairs and tables and opening doors. Now before you roll your eyes and think that I'm setting this post up to be some feminist rant...hang on and hear me out.

I think we as a culture are guilty of some unfair pedestaling. Which is not a word. But it will be once you understand what I'm saying.

How often have you heard it said, over the pulpit or otherwise, that women are more spiritual or in general, better creatures than men? At times I have been very guilty of this kind of thinking and I think that it is wrong. Its wrong because it sets women up on a pedestal. And makes base, lowly creatures out of men who need the priesthood to save them from their natural state of irresponsibility and inactivity. Wrong.

Remember that oft quoted talk that GBH gave where he said that it wasn't until woman was created that the work could be called good? (I couldn't find it with 30 seconds of searching or I would have linked it here). I don't think that the work couldn't be called good without women because we are so angelic and special. It couldn't be called good (or finished) because women are essential to the plan. Adam couldn't be without Eve and vice versa. Just like I can't declare myself dressed without both shoes on my feet, or my sandwich made without peanut butter AND jelly. We're necessary, not special.

Men in the church are taught to respect, protect, and provide for women which is all well and good but they shouldn't be revered.

Women the world over get put in second place so I'm grateful that the church does its best to given women their due but the problem I have with putting women on a pedestal is that it simplifies their good works and service as merely being part of their nature, and conversely that any good work by a man should be a congratulated surprise.

I'm so guilty of all of this its not even funny. So to make reparations I offer the following (write it down people as I have a history of rarely being complimentary to the Mormon man. Its an unattractive quality, I know.)

Men have it tough. They have heavy priesthood responsibilities that frankly I'm glad I don't have to deal with. They deal with pressure to be providers that I have never known. I know plenty of men that didn't go into fields they wanted to because they didn't feel they would make enough to provide for a family. Which seems unfair. It would be especially hard to feel like a useful provider in a world where women are increasingly able to provide for themselves. I truly believe that people become what you expect them to be and because of this "pedestaling" (women=angels, men=dogs) you are not given the credit that a Son of Adam deserves.

Now get it in gear and find someone to marry already. We're all waiting around for you and your childhood is over I'm sorry to tell you.

And as for not letting me put up chairs etc? I was put on this earth to work and to build the kingdom just like you. I'd rather work beside you than watch you do the work for me.

I think I have a total of two male readers. If you agree or disagree or have something to add from your POV I'd love you to comment privately or publicly.

The Magic Dress

2011-01-16T23:39:00.008-07:00

What happens when your mom asks you to clear out some really old clothes out of your sister's closet that have been hanging there since you moved out?

You might re-encounter The Magic Dress that has infinite stretching capabilities. That encounter might look something like this...

Starts out simple enough...

Then there's the double wide shot...

Then little sister number two might want to join in...

There was some near strangulation involved due to height differences.

After some hard work the "hydra in a bad floral print" look is achieved.

Now getting out is another story...

Have a good week everyone!

Perpetual Adolescence

2011-01-12T18:28:00.004-07:00

As I've mentioned before here at WHC being a single adult in the church can be tough. The most obvious reason for that is of course, the loneliness. I don't mean a "I have nothing to do this Friday night" lonely...its not a day to day lonely...Its like your life feels like coming home to an empty house. Which sounds REALLY depressing. I've got plenty of friends and family. And they are great at keeping me company but I lack that teammate we all crave. A witness to my life...

I'm going to stop all that before we all turn on our favorite Dashboard song and sit in the dark crying into a pillow. Loneliness is not what I wanted to write about today. Loneliness and being single is obvious. Thus boring.

The thing that has been burning through my brain today and for quite sometime now is how being a single adult in the church forces upon you a perpetual, and (in my case) unwanted adolescence.

The church is all about progression. Its one of its fundamental teachings and the reason why we are here on this Earth in the first place. We should always be moving forward, learning, growing. But I (as far as my point is concerned) am stalled. In the eternal progression of things...I am a teenager. And have you ever met a teenager? Or been one? It kinda sucks.

My point is most easily illustrated by comparing myself to my married peers. Lets start with the most petty things and work our way into the more serious ones.

FHE is a perfect example. Hey married readers, when was the last time you felt obligated on a Monday night to go and play human foosball in a church gym with similarly situated adults? Never? Maybe in college? I did a few weeks ago. And I really feel too old for it. Is it ok that I'm over activities like this? I don't want to get in a water balloon fight with a group of grown men and women. My married peers don't have to. Why do I?

Then there's the stuff. When you get married people give you a lot of nice stuff. Its like they're saying "You're getting married, which means you're growing up, which means you need grown up stuff." And you get nice things. You go to Bed, Bath and Beyond and register for exactly the stuff you want and people buy it for you. I can't afford that stuff by myself and I can't think of an excuse that would make people buy it for me...so here I am at 25 living like a college student still. I'm the same age as some of my married friends but yet not grown up enough to have nice stuff. To be fair, I have more money now than I did in college but because of my living situation (I share a condo with 4 single girls) I don't have the room to buy the nice things that my adult self wants to have. Told you I was going to get petty.

But the most glaring way I'm stuck in this adolescence is that most adult of adult activities is off limits to me. I won't get explicit for the sake of the sensitive souls out there (and because I recently learned that my youngest sister follows me. Hey Mary!) but literally in this way I'm asked to live the same exact way that was laid out for me as a 14 year old in the For Strength of Youth Pamphlet. I remember a seminary teacher pointing out the oddity of the practice of being a nun or a monk in the Catholic church. How God created us so that we could be together and have families. And what a perversion of His plan celibacy was. But here I sit as abstinate as Fraulein Maria (wow I didn't even realize it but that metaphor really works for me...I spend my day trying to reign in kids who don't respect me and I'm in close contact with attractive men with status and weath who are chasing an un-catchable woman).

Anyway, my point is I would give the whole contents of a Bed Bath and Beyond to not be excluded from that part of God's plan for me. (This of course includes the chance to be a mother naturally). I don't think God wants us to miss out on these important human experiences. So what's going on?

Maybe this is my (generation's) "pioneer trial". I don't have to walk across frozen Middle America and bury children in shallow, frozen, unmarked graves along the way but my faith is being tested by how well I can endure the feeling that I will never get to grow up, move forward, or progress.

Really though, at the end of the day, being single is a pretty cushy trial. Who wants to ski Park City with me on Saturday?

HH's Best of 2010

2010-12-28T12:15:00.006-07:00

If you spend any time on the internet you know that the end of the year means endless "best of 2010" lists. Best movies, tv shows, books, music, celebrity bods etc...

Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers, Linda Holmes I just wanted to share my "Best of 2010" list. In no particular order these are just pop culture type things that made me really happy this year.

So without further ado:

1. This song. Yes the original is unnecessarily profanity laden. But its such a great song. The edited version is just as catchy and satisfying. I love it.

2. This TV show. There is nothing funnier on TV right now. And this is coming from a person who has unabashedly loved 30 Rock since its inception (foreshadow!). The writing is so fresh and never quits. Originally my favorite person to watch was Joel McHale's Jeff Winger (especially if he had his shirt off!) But in the second season my favorite person on that show is Donald Glover who plays Troy Barnes. He's gone from being a one-note dumb jock to really having some depth. Especially in the past couple of episodes. I think I'm in love with him. AND he used to be a writer for 30 Rock which makes him even more awesome and makes me feel less unfaithful to good ol' Liz Lemon.

3. This blog. The satire is golden. My favorite part about it is the way she spells things. I want to be this woman's friend. She gets it. I feel like some people think she's mean...I guess if you look at it that way. My favorite thing is some people think its real and not satire. Unbelievable. I just see it as someone holding a mirror up to a certain demographic in our culture and having a sense of humor about it. We're all like TAMN in someway...that's why its funny.

4. I didn't see too many movies this year but my favorites were: This one, this one and this one. This year I've really recognized and owned my general dislike of most movies. Mostly because of recycled story lines/characters that get SO boring. These movies were not boring.

5. My favorite album of the year was not Kanye West's like the rest of the worlds (although I am liking it. The clean version of course) but this album. I think I listened to it on repeat for the entire month of April. I know most of you will think its really weird but I don't care. Its a much lighter and happier sound than Demon Days but its just as complex. I loved it. I'd recommend Stylo, Rhinestone Eyes and On Melancholy Hill.

6. I love the Food Network and my two favorite chefs are Alton Brown and Ina Garten. I literally want to be Ina when I grow up. And although Alton is super nerdy his recipes are my favorite. Try his meatloaf or granola.

7. I saw a few concerts this year, Regina Spektor, DMB, John Mayer, Ben Folds...But the concert I had the most fun at was Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings. That sixty-something woman wore me out! I've never seen someone have that much fun performing. AND the Dap Kings played the horns on Marc Ronson's Version. Another of my favorite albums.

8. I don't recommend Mad Men to any of my friends really. Its a depressing show with sometimes inappropriate content but its one of the best shows on television. I don't watch dramas but I watch Mad Men. This season they had an episode that featured almost exclusively, my two favorite characters; Don Draper and Peggy Olsen. It was more like a short play than a episode in a series. It might have been the best hour of television this year.

9. I didn't do a ton of reading this year. Well reading of books I should say. I read plenty of stuff online (stupid Wifi and laptop...ruining my love of reading books...) But the best book I read this year was The Help. I was a little disappointed by the ending but it had great narrative voice.

10. This clip. (Advisory: if you don't want to see Tracy Morgan in a white spandex body suit don't click on that link) I don't watch of Jimmy Fallon often but one thing I like about him is he has fun on his show. Genuine. Unabashed fun. Without putting anyone down or being gross like Leno and Letterman. He plays charades and Operation and stuff. Its fun to watch. AND he's got The Roots as his in house band. Pretty cool.

There you have it. Did all those links drive you crazy? I'd be cursing me if I were you.

Happy New Year!

Snapshots

2010-12-13T21:38:00.003-07:00

What?! I haven't written since Halloween. Shame on me. Honestly, and I'm not just saying this...I've been really busy. Like maybe busier than I ever have been. Ever.

Now that the hyperbole is over with I just wanted to share a few...snapshots...if you will. And I know, reader, that you will...

1. I'm going to take a break from ordering things online. Last week I ordered a new 'work' swimsuit (an athletic swim suit not a cute hot-tub-with-your-boyfriend swimsuit, you get me?) from Nike.com. A box came from Nike today and I opened it with the anticipation that all packages are opened with to find a...pair of board shorts. Wah-wah. So I call Nike's customer service where I learn that the swimsuit I ordered doesn't exist. It was a figment of the Interweb's imagination that had the same style number as a pair of board shorts. Darn.

I also ordered a totally cool map from a German website in early November. I have yet to receive it. I know that Europe is far away but I'm pretty sure they aren't sending things by boat anymore. So I emailed a nice German man (typing those two words together feels redundant) named Dirk who told me that "It was shipped via DHL as a "Päckchen", which has unfortunately not tracking code". He offered to send me another one...I told him I'd give the original another week. No wonder DHL went out of business in the US (shouts to Molly!)

2. On my way home from work today I was stopped at a light. I glanced at the car to my left which happened to be a shiny red truck of some kind and in the passenger window staring right at me was Santa. Not making this up. The hair, beard, hat, suit. He smiled and waved his sausage fingers, each one bedecked with a gold ring. Needless to say that brought a smile to my face. How great is Christmas?

3. Speaking of Christmas...the start of a relationship feels a lot like Christmas morning. That mix of excitement and anxiety...you're not sure yet if you're getting a Kindle or a paper back John Grisham from a thrift store...

4. The more time I spend with Jr. High School students the more that I'm sure that their brains are broken. In elementary they're still cute and innocent. In high school they're starting to put the pieces together but in Jr. High there's a huge disconnect. And I'm the b-word that has to hold them accountable and try to treat them like functioning human beings. Which they are not. (this is pretty pessimistic...but the two classes I have right now are pretty tough. I'm hopeful that things will get better)

I feel really good right now. Hope you all feel the same.

Loves and Peaces.

Need a laugh?

2010-11-03T21:42:00.004-06:00

Here's two for you:

This past Halloweekend I went to a dance party with two friends. I don't love dressing up and was secretly hoping to fly under the party radar this year so I wouldn't have to come up with a costume.

Thankfully at the 11th hour my friend Brit insisted I go to her friends party and orchestrated this costume:

Alvin and the Chipmunks in case you live under a rock. It was lazy and low maintenance which was perfect for me. The problem was was that if Jill and I weren't in immediate proximity to Brit aka Alvin it just looked like we were wearing ugly sweaters.

At one point we were separated from Alvin. During a brief pause in the awesome dancing a tall guy dressed as a gangster snowboarder (?) asked us what we were dressed as. I explained the costume and assured him he'd get it if Alvin were around (AAAALLLLVVVIIINNNN!!!). Jill then asked him what he thought we were before we told him. He replied looking at me "a nerd because of the funny glasses" then turned to Jill and said "I thought you were just badly dressed." HA!

On another note. I sang the Chipmunk Christmas song aaaallllll night.

Laugh 2:

I just started teaching one period of Geography at a new school. Its been three days. The kids don't really know me and I don't really know them. Today I mentioned one of the other teachers in the building by name and they were surprised that I already knew some of the other teachers. One of the students came to my defense and said:

"Of course she knows the other teachers. Ms. Handy gets around!"

Um.

Moving on class...

Then later I drew something on the board that accidentally looked exactly like a boob. There was much snickering. So there's that.

Hope everyone is having a great week!

New Undies

2010-10-24T15:47:00.001-06:00

Wearing garments is like being commando with the Lord's blessing.

Which is awesome.

Meet my friend: Television

2010-10-22T23:37:00.004-06:00

With my renewed vigor to blog more I'm going to write a few posts with the theme of "I'm not proud of it, but I'm not too proud to admit it..." Nothing like revealing your flaws to the interwebs eh?

So today's version: I'm not proud of it but I'm not too proud to admit that...I love TV.

I was one of those kids who could tune everything else out to an alarming degree when the television was on. I think my mom worried about my brain turning to mush.

I've always felt some shame over it because growing up my closest friends didn't care much for TV or felt that it was a waste of time, a source of moral decay...etc. Which I'm not going to argue against. Like I said. I'm not proud of it. But I didn't love feeling bad all the time about something I loved.

In college I was always the first (sometimes only) roommate to insist on getting basic cable (I'm talking about fighting for only network stations). The first show that I embraced fully with no shame, and threw a tiny fit if I missed, not caring how shallow it made me look was Alias. I LOVED that show. Eventually I hooked all my roommates and we were all racing home after ward prayer so we didn't miss it. I recall entire weekends shut in devouring whole seasons with friends who had never watched that much TV at once.

When I moved to Ohio TV took on a whole new role in my life. Before I made friends with K and T and a few others, Will was my best friend. But if he was unavailable my only other companion was TV. And I had a DVR which was a first for me. That DVR took my TV watching to a whole new level. I still miss it sometimes.

It bothers me when people have a holier-than-thou attitude about watching TV. Like they are too good for it or have so many other better things to be doing. I would argue that just because you can't see the merits in it doesn't mean there aren't any. If you really don't like to watch TV fair enough. But don't look down on me because I do. Humans have always sought entertainment...oral story tellers, theater, literature, movies and within the last century the most accessible and diverse form of all, television (which was invented by a Utahan by the way).

Today, I admit to it as a part of who I am. I am a TV watcher. I could live without it but I don't want to. I have shows I follow that I look forward to seeing every week. I even love reading about what I watch on TV. I'd like to think that if I eliminated TV from my life I could accomplish great things but the truth is I'd probably just find some other way to waste my time.

So here's to you TV, my loyal companion, and the many hours we will share in the future.

K now I actually feel a little pathetic.

Seattle Top 10

2010-10-18T23:19:00.004-06:00

My apologies for my absence. Sometimes I want to write and sometimes I don't. But at the request of a friend and after a fun trip worth mentioning I feel like writing again.

A quick housekeeping note: I'm going to un-private the private status of W.H.C. I've proved the point I wanted to prove by going private and I get annoyed when blogs I follow don't show up in my reader because they are private. So I'm going public again. Watch for me in your reader.

Ok! Now some fun! This weekend was Fall Break here in UT and way back in June I found cheap airfare to a place I've wanted to go for oh-so-long. SEATTLE! I sent a link to the airfare to six or eight friends thinking that out of those two or three would want to go. Two and three did want to go. And so did five and six. Six of us went to Seattle. So fun.

I found an awesome vacation rental (a condo near downtown) that was so, so perfect.

I don't want to make this a travel log so I'm just going to tell you about my top ten favorite things about it.

1. Pike's Market. This place could probably fill spaces 1-5 actually. I would move to this city just for this place. Endless stalls of produce, seafood, flowers, crafts etc. It was fabulous. I'd see men carrying huge bouquets that I knew they got for super cheap and sigh. I would love to live there just to have a nice young man bring me one of those bouquets one time. Lucky girls.

2. Cooking a fresh salmon filet and roasted veggies that we bought from the market in our condo. 'Nuff said.

3. Sailing on Puget Sound. Sailing is on my bucket list and I got to fulfill it in Seattle. Kind of anyway...I would actually like to help hoist sails and secure the jib and the like but if I never get the opportunity at least I can say that I've been sailing. Also noteworthy: watching the young man who's job it was to hoist sails hoisting sails. What a cutie. Which brings me to #4.

4. This may not be the 4th greatest thing about Seattle but I couldn't pass up such a solid lead in as I gave myself above...The men of Seattle were generally attractive and SINGLE! Meaning they weren't all wearing wedding rings which is what I'm used to. And I don't have a great story to tell of meeting someone or anything...it was just refreshing to get smiled at a couple times. I even got catcalled a couple times which never happens in UT.

5. Fish, chips, chowder, and crab at Ivar's on the pier. Yum.

6. The Seattle Art Museum. I'm a sucker for art museums. Especially when there's a Picasso exhibit in town.

7. The locks and fish ladders connecting Puget Sound and Lake Washington. Nerdy but I love water, boats and wildlife ok?

8. Our tour guide on the Underground tour finding out we were from UT and saying "well you must know the popcorn popping song" and then making us sing it to the rest of the tour.

9. Our new gay friend Johnathan taking us "to the Forest" as directed by his Persian employer in his Volvo on Bainbridge Island. "The Forest" was straight out of a Twilight movie. We expected to see Edward or Jacob come leaping out at us any moment.

10. The city itself. There were a lot of homeless which was not awesome but other than that its a beautiful, recycling, pet-friendly, delicious doughnut producing, bike-riding city on the water. I could totally live there because there's decent skiing an hour away! I'd have to find a job though...ugh.

Maybe one of you could move there and I could come stay? Sounds like a good plan.

Next up, Vancouver, Chicago, Disneyland, Brazil, Thailand...who's down?

2010-09-17T21:02:00.002-06:00

Here's the link to the news clip I mentioned in my last post. I think I'm in the big group shot but it happens so fast I can't tell.

School Shows Support for Cancer Stricken Teacher

Get Well Soon Mrs. Brown

2010-09-16T21:54:00.005-06:00

I witnessed something really great today.

There's a quirky science teacher at my school who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I don't know all the details but I've heard its pretty aggressive and she may be facing a double mastectomy.

Sad stuff. I've subbed in her class when she has had to step out due to an appointments or she felt ill. Her desk was covered with card from students. And the kids would ask with genuine concern how come she wasn't in class.

Today I got to school towards the end of first period. As I walked to my office I encountered a couple of students. A big percentage of the small number I saw were wearing pink. I thought it was just a coincidence until the bell rang and suddenly the halls were filled with pink.

I got into my office and learned that the students had organized this "pink out" all on their own in support of Mrs. Brown. There was no announcement during school, no flyer, nothing. The administration had nothing to do it. In fact the faculty were so far removed from this that I only saw two teachers in pink. The kids had organized it all through text message. I heard one student received the text 22 times! Everyone who got the message was wearing pink. (I didn't get the message :( )

During lunch while I was out wandering around doing my usual crowd control my heart was truly warmed by the kind gesture they were offering their teacher. These kids at times are typical of all kids their age; confused, loud, annoying, unsure of themselves, kinda slow and sometimes inconsiderate. But when it counts they really are good kids. Kind, unselfish, concerned.

There are so many terrible things happening all the time. But when we're boiled down to our most basic parts, we're brothers and sisters, children of God. We know it and want to take care of each other even if we don't recognize it. Today those kids recognized it.

And although I'm not a teacher officially it made me really proud to be an educator. Seeing how much those kids cared. They're worth every second of stress they cause me.

Channel 2 news came and filmed a package. I'll post it as soon as they do.

Karma; thy name is B****

2010-09-02T22:49:00.005-06:00

I didn't always have the phenomenal body I'm currently blessed with (not...I'm turning soft and lumpy in all sorts of places). Before "becoming a woman" I was shaped like a barrel. The same thickness from my shoulders to my thighs.

*Oh dear. I'm very sad for my former self.

As you can see I was somewhat of a dancer in my youth before my mother, who knew better, threw me in a swimming pool. I danced for Tracy's Dance Academy. There was another girl in my dance classes who coincidentally was also named Heather. She was also rotund. More so than myself if I'm completely honest. The difference between me and the other Heather was that she was mean. Ruthlessly and irrationally mean. I can't say if it was just to me or to everyone but she was really mean to me. And oddly enough she was mean about my weight and size. Which didn't make any sense as she was a fat girl herself. She teased me mercilessly about being a bigger girl. Poor me. It still stings a little. I remember this exchange particularly clearly:

Mean Heather: Why are you so fat?
Me Heather: *stunned; What?
Mean Heather: Oh its cuz you like to eat huh?
Me Heather: What?

Understandably I have forced these memories Peter Pan deep and have maybe only once thought about what kind of sad person she must be today.

Well, I found out. I currently work at a tutoring center and the other day as I was coming into work I was surprised that the lobby contained three to four similar looking, out of control children who were in the process of tearing the place apart. The door to my boss's office was closed and I figured that the parent(s) of the jungle children must be in a meeting with my boss the director. As I passed the office, I caught a glimpse of the mother. It was her! Mean Heather! My blood ran cold and I just prayed she wouldn't recognize me. About an hour later my boss had finally emerged from her office (the mother had left and come back for something three times before leaving for good) looking like she had been through it.

She had. In one meeting she learned that the woman's name was indeed Heather. She was enrolling her six year old son to be tutored in reading (She was around my age which means she had her first kid around 19!) and that she had at least 3-4 others already. Her husband had some kind of trust fund and she had had lipo-suction, two tummy tucks and was going in for another round of lipo the very next day. During the meeting one of the kids crawled under her desk and turned her computer off. Lovely.

I bravely told my boss of my past with her. Reliving emotions I hadn't felt since being a self-conscious, prepubescent, over-weight girl. My boss put a sympathetic hand on my arm and told me to find comfort in the fact that the woman is a total nut job.

Her kid has been coming for a little while now. He's the kind of kid that hisses at other kids, makes gun noises out of nowhere and talks in a high cartoon voice because he thinks its funny or cute (its not). And to be honest, he's pretty dull. And chubby. I don't teach him a ton but it seems that whenever I'm arriving at work or on my way out the Mean Heather is out of her car wanting to talk about something with my boss. (Mean Heather added my boss as a friend on facebook). I've gotten so close to running into her. I try to just wear my sun glasses and rush past but I'm sure she's recognized me. I get anxiety about going to work now.

Anyway. I may not be the slimmest thing around but I've never had surgery to correct it. And that spare tire around my middle magically turned itself into a great rack. So all's fair right? Right.

Already!?!?

2010-08-13T12:21:00.003-06:00

I've been noticing more and more gray hairs around my temples and in my hair line lately.

Also recently my eyesight doesn't seem to be as sharp as it used to be.

Somebody bury me already.

Compassion for those who struggle or, What I have in common with a gay man.

2010-08-08T09:36:00.005-06:00

This morning I read this article.

If you are a member of the church I strongly recommend you read it. If you don't read it here's the gist. Its was written in 2004 (before the gay marriage thing had heated up to a point that it has now. The church is so smart), by a member of the church who deals with same-sex attraction.

I have a hard time when it comes to the issue of gay rights. I know that homosexuality doesn't have a place in our Father's plan (neither does the state of being single though) but it seems un-American and also against our Father's plan to deny people the right to live the way they want to. But that's another post altogether.

The article surprised me. Not because of what he revealed about living as a member of the church dealing with same-sex attraction but because I realized I had two things in common with him. 1. That up to this point, I "do not fully experience the joys of family life" and 2. "We all have need to repent".

Being a single adult in the church is hard. Its awkward. The Lord did not mean for us to be this way. Its like being in a wheel chair at a dance. Everyone sees you in the wheel chair, they sympathize with you, they wish you could join but you can't, you're in a wheel chair, and the dance continues. For some (I won't point fingers) being single is a choice. Maybe not a conscious one but a choice nonetheless. For me it is not a choice. Maybe I've made some wrong moves or missteps or missed an unrecognized opportunity, that have kept me from marriage but as far as I can tell I am doing all I can to "fully experience the joys of family life". And yet it eludes me because of circumstances I have no control over. In this way I sympathize with this member who experiences same-sex attraction. He has a strong testimony of the gospel. This is clear. But it never occurred to me the sorrow they experience (just like me) for not being able to join in the dance. They didn't choose this for themselves. They would change it if they could.

In the article he describes that his same-sex attraction is not a choice...temptation is not a choice. And its wrong to see someone who deals with that temptation as a transgressor. I don't think we do it with any other kind of temptation. We don't condemn an alcoholic just for wanting a drink. We sympathize with the struggle.

The author says:

"Some may be gripped by other temptations—alcohol, tobacco, pornography, gambling, or other serious sins. If not tempted by major transgression, we all nevertheless are tempted every day. And we do not think people facing large or small temptations are immoral just because they are tempted. Elder Oaks reminds us: “We should always distinguish between sinful acts and inappropriate feelings or potentially dangerous susceptibilities. We should reach out lovingly to those who are struggling to resist temptation."

With this he reminded me of the second thing I found I had in common with him. We are all tempted. We all have need to repent. We all require Christ's Atonement. To pick and choose which temptations we will be accepting of and which we won't is the opposite of being a disciple.

At the end of the article he suggests what members of the church can do to help saints who are suffering in this way: fellowship them. The hardest part about not having a companion with which to fully live the gospel is the loneliness. If you're in a wheelchair...you're far less likely to attend the dance in the first place.

The last thing I wanted to mention was the paragraph where he explains that the doctrine of agency contradicts the explanation that same-sex attraction is the result of biological or physiological causes. Once we reach the age (or condition) of accountability "I was born that way" is no longer an acceptable excuse. I was born wanting to sit around watching 30 Rock and eating muddy buddies. That doesn't make it ok.

*note 1: I realize that the comparisons between same-sex attraction and single-ness don't extend very far...but reading the article I couldn't believe how much I could relate with the struggle as a single person.

*note 2: I realize that comparing being single with having a disability is less than desirable...and if a married person made that comparison I'd probably lose it with them...the metaphor, however, works.

*note 3: I referred to the author as a him. This was an assumption. It could just as easily be a her.

100 Kinds of Crazy

2010-08-02T18:12:00.002-06:00

Something has happened recently that has taken me from being the calm, cool, logical, not hysterical Heather you all know to being a crazy, irrational, unconfident, ultra-female version of myself. What could have caused this drastic and extremely irritating change?

His name is Jake.

Its making me so crazy that I'm blogging about it. BLOGGING, PEOPLE! I'm trying so hard to keep the crazy inside but I'm failing. And I'm failing because I'm so confused.

Here are the facts:

We were introduced online. We began to exchange emails. Which is a perfect way for someone to get to know me (beside an actual date of course) because I'm a good writer and I'm terrible on the phone. We made for really good correspondents (even though it was email and not real mail isn't there something kind of romantic about that?). He was funny, I was charming and I was very confident there was a high degree of mutual enjoyment.

As much as I was loving exchanging electronic mail with him...I didn't want an adult pen pal. So after a month and a half I began wondering if he was ever going to ask me out. Finally he did. We went. It was fantastic.

Best (only) date I've had in a long time. Maybe ever. It was just dinner which was perfect. I've gotten to an age where I no longer find going paint balling or mini golfing fun. Again I felt like we both equally enjoyed ourselves. I had no reason to not hope for a second date.

The day after our date he went out of town with his brothers for a week. I sent the traditional "day-after thank-you" text to which he responded positively and then not surprisingly I didn't hear from him for the rest of his trip.

I know by now you are thinking "So why aren't you married already?" But here's where things get grey.

A week after we went out (after he had gotten home) he engaged me in a gchat. It was friendly. Nothing special. Next morning he sent me a text. I was thrilled. Things were looking up. That night I wrangled him into a gchat. I was appropriately flirty. Nothing too forward or anything. And then....that was it. He's disappeared. Four days ago (after three days of silence) I sent him a casual inside joke kind of text. No response. Its now been a week since I've heard anything from him. I even panicked two days ago and called him. His voice mailbox was full so I couldn't leave a message.

WHAT'S GOING ON? I've imagined everything from him being out of town to having an old girlfriend come back in the picture. Of course my mind naturally assumes its something I did or said or something about me he doesn't like. But the truth is I have no idea. And I can't know. There's nothing more I can do without appearing like the desperate, hysterical crazy girl that I currently feel like I am.

I told my mom that maybe he's the roof top killer. I could be dead.

I just really don't like feeling this way. Whatever it is I just want to know. Knowing is always better than not knowing.

I can't believe I'm so pathetic I just wrote this long blog about it. Somebody help me.

So many things...

2010-07-26T23:28:00.005-06:00

I've really been in the mood to write lately but I've got so much I want to say that I'm overwhelmed by it and as a result I haven't written anything. Stupid I know. So I'm going to empty the inbox in my brain really quick so that I can focus on other things I want to spend more time on.

1. Lagoon. I've hated Lagoon for a long time. I'm not an amusement park girl. I'm a Disneyland girl. Lagoon is hot, crowded, and I don't fit in because I don't have tattoos, smoke, or wear a bikini top with a mesh shirt over it. Last summer though while I was in Cleveland I went with Will to Cedar Point. Which is a big deal. Tallest, fastest roller coasters in the US. I had a good day but I'm not sure Will did. I was a total baby. I was scared to ride most the coasters and the ones I did made me totally sick. I should've learned my lesson. But a couple weeks ago my roommate had really cheap tickets to Lagoon. I was determined to go and have a good time and not be a baby/snob. It didn't happen. I rode about three rides before I was staggering off of Colossus and locating the nearest garbage can. I tried to be fun and I just ended up sick. Its official. My roller coaster days are over. I always wondered why my mom insisted on being a party pooper, sitting under a tree with the stroller. Now I know she was saving herself from a day of nausea and the humiliation of public puking. (Note: I did not actually puke. But I was very very close.)

2. The Garden: I've rented a plot in a community garden nearby this summer. With the help of Rachelle and my sisters we've been feeling our way blindly through the delicate art of gardening. We planted peas, beans, watermelon, cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, peppers, zucchini, and a pumpkin. I've had a handful of peas, and zucchini. Lots and lots of zucchini. More zucchini than I can eat. I suck at growing anything else. The lettuce was a major failure. A had a few peppers but they were kind of bitter. The melons and pumpkin are coming along ok. Everything else is really struggling. But the zucchini man...I can't keep up with it.

I've had some friends request I write my thoughts about being a single gal who is trying not to be a single gal...but I've been hesitant. I guess with my blog private I know exactly who my readership is and I don't have to worry about offending anyone right? What say you?

That's all for now. I thought there would be a lot more but I guess I've lost some of the zeal I thought I had.

Shrinkage

2010-07-02T10:45:00.003-06:00

Last summer my mom bought me a maxi dress from Target. It was perfect. I loved it. Except for one thing. It was super long. Maxi dresses are supposed to be exaggerated in length but I'm talking like inches of dress on the floor. The crazy thing was is that I'm kind of a tall person. Who was this dress made for? Sometimes my mom buys me XXL from Target because she thinks everything there runs small. So I figured it was just really big. But nope, it was just a regular ole large.

I took it to a tailor and had 4 INCHES taken off. 4 INCHES! And it still hit the floor. I've loved it and wear it all the time.

Today I found out why it was so long. I washed and dried it and when I pulled it out of the dryer it didn't seem to have as much length. I held it up to myself and it hit me about mid-calf.

Damn.

Now I'm sad. Anyone have a human shrinking technique I could try so I won't look silly in my favorite dress?

Swim Lessons from Hell

2010-06-17T11:06:00.003-06:00

This has been a long week. And its because I've started swim lessons. They've been a total disaster. I've taught swim lesson for like 8 years and I've never had them go this badly.

Here's some background: I'm teaching at a private swim club and I am not employed by the club. I'm a contracted private instructor. I give them a (big) cut of what I make. I'm teaching with another girl named Paige whom I have never met and she has been handling all of the registration. We've set it up so that we will do four sessions that will have four classes a day for eight days for forty minutes. Are you following? Doesn't matter. Here's the point: Paige has been on vacation this week. Because I need the income I didn't want to wait another week to start so this week I did a short "Jump Start" session with only five, forty minute lessons in it. Also the pool manager who got me this gig has been out of town this week too.

So the problems started when I didn't have a huge enrollment for my jump start. So I condensed the 6-7 kids I had registered into two classes instead of four. Immediately I had a mom (Mom A we'll call her) email and say that her kids were at a higher level than the other kids I had put them with. I called her back and politely explained that I understood her concern but the class sizes were so small I would be able to cater to her individual swimmer's need, and to bring her kids on Monday morning, I would asses them and if I needed to make changes I would. I could tell she still wasn't pleased.

That's where everything stood as of Monday morning here's a run down of how things have gone since then.

Monday: First lesson consisted of only two girls. Mom A's kid was indeed a better swimmer than Mom B's kid (Mom B plays a later role). But there was only two kids which essentially meant each student got 20 minutes of my time. Can't beat that with a bat!

Second lesson was a disaster. I had way more kids than I was expecting. I had one sign up that day, I had another come at the wrong time. I had a total of 6 kids. Some were wearing swim diapers. Others were starting kindergarten. Kids were crying, not cooperating. Mom B's kid (one of the ones in swim diapers) nearly drowned three times because he kept stepping off the step into water over his head.

It was obvious I needed to split the second lesson into two. I made the announcement of the changes to the parents present. Mom A and Mom B were conspicuously not present. I caught Mom A on my way out and told her of the changes I could tell she still wasn't pleased.

Monday night: Both Mom A and Mom B emailed me and told me they had contacted my friend the pool manager and Paige whom I have never met to tell them they had serious concerns and were pulling their kids from the lessons and they wanted a refund (the reasons they offered were totally bogus but I won't get into them here.) I couldn't help but take it personally. Mom A I think had made her mind up to pull her kids before they started and I'm positive Mom B was heavily influenced by Mom A.

Tuesday: Lifeguard doesn't show up. With both kids being pulled from my first lesson I was back to only two lessons. Due to another mix up that was a parent's fault I only had one student in my first lesson. Second lesson was a disaster again. It now had only four students in it. I had another little girl step of the edge into water over her head and because there was no lifeguard to spot her and I was busy with another kid, classy mom in a black and white striped hat had to literally drop her 8 month old and go in after her daughter. So embarrassed. Another little boy kept getting out hoping his mom would bail him out stepped on a bee and got stung. Again no lifeguard to help and I'm in the water with three other little ones unable to help. Disaster.

Wednesday: Pool heater shut off during the night. Pool temp was at 80 degrees. Fine for Michael Phelps not cool for kids under five. Blue lips for everyone!

Thursday (today): Stormed last night. Cleared up during the night but left the temp around a balmy 50. Checked pool temp and it was still at 80. Air temp and water temp still much to cold for little swimmers so I had to cancel and reschedule for Saturday when I should be headed to Logan for a wedding.

We'll see what kind of adventure tomorrow brings. I know things will be better when the pool manager is back but I'm real perturbed that the parents think that this Paige will fix everything. Here's the thing about Paige. She's never taught before. She's taken the certification course but she's never taught before.

I can't wait for this to be over.

Sorry so long. It was kind of therapeutic though.

Food

2010-06-16T17:56:00.001-06:00

Gonna try some of this out...

http://smittenkitchen.com/

Swimming

2010-06-02T22:56:00.005-06:00

I went swimming today for the first time in I don't know how long. I swam a thousand yards and it was tough. Tougher than it ever has been. I used to swim a straight thousand for warm up (I had a lazy coach).

I consider myself to be a relatively athletic person but time and time again I am reminded that my body was not built for running, jumping and other land related movements. I'm just slow. Embarrassingly so. I've started to play a little tennis and I totally have the coordination to hit the ball over the net. My problem with tennis is getting to the ball. I'm just not quick enough.

I was however built for the water. Recently I've learned that I'm more buoyant than other (most?) people. (Insert obvious and inappropriate flotation device joke here). I have always moved really well in the water. Sometimes I wonder if I have a strong back and shoulders because I'm a swimmer or I'm a swimmer because I have a strong back and shoulders. My mom was telling me the other day that she took me to a mom and tot class when I was three and I made it miserable for everyone. I screamed and fought the whole time. Even though I apparently hated it it must have stuck because the next summer I whizzed through all five levels of swim lessons at the rec center. I was always the kid that was in the pool for hours uninterrupted when we went in the summer.

I wasn't in love with competitive swimming. I wasn't all that fast. But I LOVED playing water polo. Its maybe the only thing that has really come naturally to me. Without much coaching at all I took to that sport like a duck to water (pun intended). I somehow knew without anyone telling me how to maneuver myself, where to put the ball, how to get around the defense etc. The problem with being really good at water sports is that not many other people are. Lap swimming is a pretty solitary activity. And have you ever heard someone say "Hey lets get some friends together and play a pick up game of water polo?" I'm lucky if people know what the game is let alone how to play it. People are always amazed that water polo players tread water for the entire game (touching the bottom is illegal). I'm amazed that a soccer player runs for 90 minutes. God made some people good at running and jumping. He made me good at treading water.

Which brings me back to my experience at the pool this evening. Even in my sad state I could still swim circles around most the people I know. But man I did not love how hard it was for me. There were a couple of walls it seemed too much work to do flip turns! I've never felt that way. Flip turns and I have always been friends. The other thing that surprised me is that my goggles were hurting. I kept adjusting but it never got better. I realized its because I've lost the calluses around my eyes from wearing swedes so much. I'm going to have to start wearing padded goggles. PADDED GOGGLES! Like I'm some kind of guppy.

One of the advantages of swimming is its not that hard on the body. I don't have any lingering knee or ankle injuries. Sometimes my shoulders will get really stiff and pop but I don't think its unusual. The one part of my body that doesn't seem to have the tolerance for swimming they once did is my ears. The water hurts my ears.

Anyway, I've set a goal to be able to swim 6 x 100 on 1:30s by the end of the summer. I used to do that no sweat. Maybe I'll start at 12 x 50 on a minute. We'll see if I can do it.

Sorry so long. Geez.

Quarter Century Golden Birthday!

2010-05-24T22:50:00.005-06:00

Yes folks, you heard right. Today I'm 25 on the 25th. It's my GOLDEN BIRTHDAY! Not only is it my golden birthday but I'm also turning a quarter century old. (Whoa!) I've always been kind of a downer on my birthday...I don't know if its unmet expectations, or loneliness or worry over my age but for whatever reason I always get a little melancholy. BUT NOT THIS YEAR! This day is too epic to get the blues. So to really drive this home I've compiled a list that is a representation of the good things I've accumulated in my 25 years. On it you will find reasons I am happy, things that make me happy and things that I am grateful for.

So without further ado and in no particular order...

1. My Family (you know who you are.)

2. Friends. Seriously, I've always had really great friends. You guys mean a lot to me and have helped shape the person that I am.

3. A job. I hate you but I'm glad I have you. I'd be very sad, and poor(er), without you.

4. The fifth of the condo I occupy. You're nice. I'm positive I couldn't get better for the price I'm paying.

5. Cable television. Sad but true.(although I know I'd be more grateful for satellite)

6. The restored gospel. If this list was in order this would be at the top. Nothing in my life is more responsible for my health, happiness, sanity, peace etc. It is everything to me. (am I a totally terrible person that I listed this AFTER cable tv? I said it was in no particular order...)

7. Frozen yogurt. Really, you are all I need..

8. Muddy Buddies. If I can't have fro yo, I'll take you.

9. My Subaru. You ride smooth, you go fast, you get good gas mileage, and you look like a sporty, grown-up lady car.

10. hot showers

11. red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. Only for special times.

12. to know what I'm worth and what I deserve (this I am continually learning is a rare thing. Thus making it very valuable.)

13. Peonies. They remind me of spring time, my birthday, and my Grandpa Don.

14. I'm grateful that I'm debt free. I don't think I even realize how great a blessing this is.

15. My dad, although I've been a reluctant learner and at times have doubted your credibility because you say damn and drink beer you've taught me so many practical things.

16. My mom, nobody in my life delivers a quicker dose of reality than you. Nobody loves me fiercer than you (like Tyra).

17. Sturdy bras ("it may be where God put them, but its not where he want them")

18. I'm grateful for Sarah telling me she loves me every time we get off the phone.

19. I'm grateful for Michael choosing to serve a mission.

20. Skin that tans well.

21. My skills in the kitchen that are growing and growing. I really find so much joy in taking beautiful wholesome raw materials and creating something that is so good and so good for you.

22. I'm grateful for the endurance to keep trying after I keep getting my nose pushed in the dirt by boys (men?) who won't give me a chance. I don't know how or why I'm able to brush it off but I'm so grateful I can.

23. Scrabble. Even though the only person that plays with me beats me every time. Its worth losing to still play with him.

24. My education. To some degree I am the sum of all the things I've learned.

25. To be 25. I'm so grateful to be young, single (yes, you heard me right) and to have the world at my feet. To go and do whatever I want, whenever I want with my past behind me, my future in front of me and enjoying the present as often as I can.

Hot Dads

2010-05-08T18:19:00.003-06:00

So I went to the zoo today. I love the zoo. I didn't get to see the bears because their exhibit is being redone so they weren't there but I did get to see the baby elephant and the elusive gray wolf which made my day.

But there was another creature at the zoo today that I've never noticed before. There was some really attractive men there. There was one in particular that may have been the most attractive man I've ever seen.

And they were all pushing strollers.

F MINUS!

My friend suggested that maybe they were single dads. My luck is not that good. In fact my luck is horrible.

There are some girls that spend their weekends going on overnight trips to hot springs with attractive lawyers and then get taken to game 3 of the Jazz/Lakers series the next night.

I'm the kind of girl that stays home and bakes cookies for mother's day.

Ok. Pity party over. Those cookies won't bake themselves.

The 100 Day Burpee Challenge

2010-04-25T22:22:00.006-06:00

If you don't know what a burpee is look here and try not to be distracted by the very fit lady's fake boobs.

No, its not a soda drinking contest, no, they don't make me burp (but sometimes they make me do something else...), and yes, I know that a burpee doesn't technically include a push-up but for the sake of the challenge I'm doing the push-up.

At the beginning of the year I had a desire to get fit. This desire was shared by a friend of mine in OH. My friend was invited by his friend to do the challenge. My friend invited me.

The challenge is this: Starting February 8th with one burpee you add a burpee everyday for 100 days. Today, if you're curious is day 77. If you miss a day they have to be made up.

At first I had zero interest in doing this. I'm not competitive. For me fitness is more about your lifestyle and less about how many reps of an exercise you do. I'm not one of those slightly nutty people that need to run marathons just to see what there bodies can do. And I didn't want to commit to something I didn't really want to do.

And then I told a couple friends and roommates about it. They got excited. In theory its not that tough. If you can do one, you can do two. If you can do fifty-three, you can do fifty-four. I figured if I didn't have to do it alone and had friends to celebrate the mile markers (days 25, 50, 75) with it would be doable. Maybe even fun!

In practice though it gets a little tougher. Especially if you miss a day and have to double up on them. I'll save you the suspense and tell you that nobody made it with me past day 25.

I've kept at it for a couple reasons: 1. Because I committed to it. I wasn't excited about it but I promised myself I'd do it, I know I can do, so I'm just doing it. 2. I'm hoping for a good payoff as far as fitness is concerned and 3. I promised myself my first ever full body massage if I made it to day 100.

Going solo in the burpee challenge is like being a Mormon with a whole bunch of non-member friends who know your standards. Everyone polices you. Even if you wanted to you're not getting away with an R rated film, a curse word or a drink or a smoke. Nobody's letting me give up. Its kind of nice to have the encouragement. Until they start getting critical about my form. Telling me I'm not jumping high enough or pressing hard enough in my push-up. To them I say: Are YOU doing the burpee challenge? No? Then leave me be.

So is it paying off? Yeah it is. I noticed a difference in my arms almost immediately. They started getting tighter and even a little cut. When I measured a month ago I had gained an inch in my arms since I started. Which made me mad. That's not exactly what I wanted. I mean a girl that looks like she can lift a car over her head isn't exactly the look I'm going for but I'm in too deep now to quit. I next noticed my thighs getting tighter. Followed by my butt. And last but not least my middle is following suit. In fact I moved from the second to the third notch in my belt yesterday. Its not so much that I've gotten slimmer as I've gotten tighter which again isn't exactly what I wanted but its better than fat and soft yeah?

Anyway, I'm in the home stretch. 23 days. Except it'll be the hardest 23 days so far. Sigh. I've got that massage on the horizon though. Wish me luck. But don't bug me about how deep my push-up is please.

Where the pad hits the snow

2010-04-13T22:36:00.005-06:00

I love to ski. Of this there is no doubt. Luckily, my dad put a pair of skis on me at a young enough age that my "You've got to be joking. There's no way I'm doing that" reflex hadn't kicked in yet (which if you were curious was at about 5 yrs old). I was never very serious about it due to lack of funds, gear and skill until my senior senior year (5th year) of college got a little depressing. All my best friends had graduated and left me alone in freezing cold Logan and I had broken up with a guy who I was still in a ward with who insisted being a total jerk to me. I needed a distraction. And I chose skiing.

I got my own gear for Christmas and I signed up for USU's skiing class at Beaver Mountain which for $100 got me six lessons and six half day's worth of skiing. This was a game changer. Skiing suddenly went from something I did because I grew up at the foot of the Rockies and my dad was paying to something I really loved and was pretty good at.

The class I was in at Beaver Mountain consisted of three girls and one shy, slightly stout young man with a brand new pair of nice skis. Our instructor was a good-looking, middle-aged guy who did something a couple days a week that earned him enough money to ski whenever he wanted. On our last day of class we had arranged to have a little potluck at the top of the mountain (I brought muddy buddies of course). We rode the lift and skied a little ways down to a spot where the run curved and flattened out. My instructor demonstrated how to stick our skis straight up in the snow so that it made a chair back when you sat on the snow. The three girls got there skis in the ground in a jiff and promptly plopped down and started passing the food around. Our instructor busied himself with a piece of gear. After a bit I noticed that the guy in our class had put his skis in the snow but had moved away from us a little bit. He was holding and looking at one of his bare hands. Then I noticed the red drops in the snow.

I asked if he was alright. Turns out he put his skis in the snow using his bare hands and the brand new sharp edge of his brand new skis had sliced him right in the soft skin between two of his fingers. Someone suggested holding some snow on it to stop the bleeding. He picked a chunk up and held in between his fingers and it was instantly red. It was really bleeding. It wasn't long before the area around us looked like a small helpless animal had lost a fight with a less helpless animal with big teeth.

My instructor started checking his pockets for a band aid (although I think we knew a band aid wasn't going to cut it) but he came up empty. I started brainstorming what piece of gear (hat, gator) I could sacrifice for the cause when the girl next to me leaned over and whispered "I have a pad"...I was about to sarcastically congratulate her for getting her period when the light came on and I started to laugh. "Should I tell him?" she whispered.

"What?" our instructor asked.

"She has a maxi pad."

A smile spread onto my instructor's face. "That'll do it." he said.

And so it was that this quiet guy who probably got red in the face at the mere mention of a maxi pad, ended up with a big ol' overnighter wrapped around his bleeding hand to ski down the mountain to the first aid hut.

I mean really, can you think of anything more appropriate for absorbing blood? In fact this experience convinced me that every first aid kit should include one. It has also made me paranoid about handling my skis with my bare hands.

Remember how I used to write a blog?

2010-04-07T20:59:00.004-06:00

So two of my three faithful readers mentioned how I haven't been writing much lately.

To them I say: You are right.

And by way of explanation let me tell you a story:

Once upon a time I was a very cynical person. Then I fell in love. And I became less cynical. Dare I say romantic even. I feel pretty confident in saying that it was the most romantic I may ever be (see, there's that cynicism). After a time, it became necessary for me to not be in love anymore. With such a deliberate mindset to not be in love I reverted very quickly to what must be my natural state: cynicism.

In an effort to keep a lid on such negative emotions I've avoided posting because anything I would have to say of late would have an unhealthy dose of vinegar in it.

But I don't want to be cynical and I do want to write. So look forward to more (hopefully positive) posts.

My poor roommates get the unedited version of my usual rants. Poor things.

Thanks friends.

A Western Perspective

2010-03-08T00:07:00.001-07:00

Yes, This Is My Job

2010-03-04T21:40:00.003-07:00

The following is an ACTUAL conversation I had with a fourteen year old yesterday (with minimal embellishment):

In the hallway, right after the tardy bell for sixth period

Me: Hannah* where were you during fifth period?

Hannah: I was there

Me: No, you weren't. I came to your classroom, you weren't there. I talked to your teacher, she hadn't seen you.

Hannah: Well, I was there.

Me: Hannah, 45 minutes in the bathroom from the time 5th starts til the time 5th ends is not called being in class. Its called skipping class. That's an unexcused absence. Which is a lunch detention.

Hannah: Whatever.

Me: How about 7th period. You've been absent in 7th for the past seven days. Where were you?

Hannah: I was there.

Me: You weren't there! I spoke to Mrs. Miller. She hasn't seen you in class for seven days! One of you is lying. Are you calling Mrs. Miller a liar?

Hannah: (shrugs) I guess.

Me: Really?! Really? Is your brain broken? Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I enjoy chasing your adolescent, truant ass all over the school? Well I don't, shocking I know. You know, I have a degree...I worked for a long time and paid a lot of money for it. And for what?! To check every bathroom stall in the building for you every hour. And guess what else? I get paid about as much as I did my senior year of high school. So maybe you could do us both a favor, save us some misery (cuz I know you can't stand the sight of me) and just GO TO CLASS.

Like I said. A little embellished.

In defense of Hannah...she's got a terrible home life and lives in an environment I can barely comprehend. Still, she doesn't seem to be motivated in the slightest to better her situation and manages to make my days miserable in the process.

*Name has been changed to protect the very, very guilty

Polygamy makes sense because...

2010-02-14T23:52:00.002-07:00

The ratio of women to men in my sacrament meeting today was 4 to 1.

I've never been very good at math but I'm thinking with those odds somebody's not getting married.

Dear John Mayer

2010-02-12T00:29:00.004-07:00

You're making it REALLY hard (maybe even impossible) for me to be in love with you right now.

Stop trying so hard to be clever and shock everybody with what you say and who you've slept with. Shut your mouth and play the damn guitar.

I'm sorry I haven't given your latest album a full listen but its all about heartbreak and loneliness which is really not the kind of subject matter I can stomach right now.

We both know that its not as good as Continuum. I miss that John.

Maybe I'll get to see him again if you can stop being so self aware.

All the best,

Heather

6 Word Memoir

2010-02-08T21:49:00.005-07:00

While getting my daily dose of NPR today (total nerd, I know) they did a segment on some people who are compiling a book of 6 word memoirs. Apparently this isn't a new idea...they opened the segment by sharing an anecdote of someone asking Hemingway to write a six word novel. He penned:

For sale: baby shoes. Never worn.

Amazing! Whole story told right there. It reminded me of my favorite super bowl ad.

I was inspired to write my own and without hardly thinking about it at all I came up with:

Still can't get what I want.

I realized how selfish and ugly and ungrateful that sounded so I wrote a second chapter:

But I have what I need.

(I think I was subconsciously channeling the Stones) I guess that that's actually a 12 word memoir which is cheating but I'll just use them one at a time depending on my attitude (hopefully the first will hide away most the time).

In a world where we're learning to express ourselves in 140 characters or less I thought the 6 word memoir was very clever.

You should try it and submit them...I'd love to read them.

Men Behaving Badly in the Work Place

2010-01-23T14:13:00.004-07:00

Two things men have done to make me really uncomfortable this week:

1. I had to go talk to the over-tanned, crocodile shoe wearing police officer that works at my school about a truant student and while I was talking to him he glanced at my chest at least 3 times. And not just a quick peek either. Totally inappro. When his eyes would leave my face I would forget what I was talking about and feel...ashamed...I can't think of another word for it. That sucks. And isn't fair, that that stupid man who knows nothing about me could make me feel like that...IN THE WORK PLACE.

2. There's a kid I tutor at Sylvan Learning Center who's a senior. In general I like working with the older kids more. I'm better at and its more fun for me. This kid is pretty bright he's just a poor reader. I've enjoyed working with him but recently have been suspicious that maybe he's harboring a teacher crush. My suspicions were confirmed in a highly inappropriate manner when the other day when I was helping a student on me left, I felt a foot rub up against my leg on my right. I whipped around and gave him a "What do you think you're doing?!" And he just smiled and said he was just kidding. Yikes. I thought he was almost done with his time at the tutoring center and I wouldn't have to stress about anymore teacher crush behavior. But alas, I found out he's still got quite a few hours to go. Sigh.

An addendum to my last post

2010-01-18T21:47:00.003-07:00

Sadie commented on my last post and pointed out how smart this friend of mine is and that after being married for almost three years it was about time she had another bridal shower.

HA HA! I agree. As long as we are throwing wedding etiquette out the window maybe I'll throw myself a bridal shower. If you can have one way after the fact why can't you have one way before the blessed event (so far even that you cannot see it in the near future)?

I need some new stuff too. I'll send you an invitation. What's your address?

A Wedding in Reverse

2010-01-12T15:00:00.005-07:00

The awesome thing about my blog being private is that I can talk about stuff like the following:

Towards the end of October I had a friend from high school who I haven't really kept in close touch with send me a facebook message with the subject "addresses please"

It said the following:

"Updating my address book and sending out Christmas cards, send me your addresses please. I would love to send you a card."

Am I the only one that thinks that a single 24 year old woman thinking that far ahead about sending a Christmas card to her high school friends sounds a little unusual?

I wasted no time calling her bluff. And responded with:

"Christmas cards already? Are you sure your not secretly engaged and trying to surprise us? Haha."

Didn't hear anything after that UNTIL early December when I got an announcement from her that she had eloped with her boyfriend to Australia.

I thought this was totally awesome. I am a huge fan of the idea of an elopement. The older I get the more the idea of running off and not worrying about cake, flowers, dresses, seating arrangements, who to invite and who to leave out etc. sounds awesome.

I was supporting the whole thing until I realized that what I was looking at was not just an announcement but an invitation to a reception. What the?!

Isn't one of the reasons you elope so that you don't have to deal with all that stuff? I guess if you decide that you just can't wait to get married but still want to have the party with friends and fam (and all the gifts) I can understand that. So I put panty hose on and got a gift and went to the reception. It was formal. She was in her dress there were rented tuxes, there was a cake and flowers. In short it was a wedding. But the marriage was two months previous in Australia and nobody at the reception was invited to it.

I thought that was the end of that until this week when I got an invitation in the mail for a BRIDAL SHOWER for this same friend.

No. I will not. This is asking too much. If you wanted a shower with all the gifts and everyone to hem and haw at you and your engagement and marriage and what a pretty bride you'll be you should have followed all the rules. You broke the biggest rule which I think is awesome but you're undoing all of the awesomeness by doing all the things you forfeited by eloping.

I'm not going to the shower. I won't.

I'm not getting married. Not because I don't think I'll ever find a man to pop the question but because I don't see any way to have a fun wedding that highlights the importance of the event without all the stress and formalities.

Humbug.

More on Truth and some other stuff

2010-01-10T22:01:00.003-07:00

Guess who said the following:

"Truth has power, And if we all gravitate toward similar ideas, maybe we do so because those ideas are true...written deep within us. And when we hear the truth, even if we don't understand it, we feel that truth resonate within us...vibrating with out unconscious wisdom. Perhaps the truth is not learned by us, but with our unconscious wisdom. Perhaps the truth is not learned by us, but rather, the truth is re-called...re-membered...re-cogniazed...as that which is already inside us."

(..........)

Its a quote from a book I'm reading which I'm slightly embarrassed to admit is Dan Brown's new book The Lost Symbol (I'm not embarrassed to be reading it but I am embarrassed to be quoting it).

The reason why I brought it up is because I'm really interested in the idea of truth. In my head truth is something that people from all backgrounds, time, countries, religions agrees upon whether consciously or unconsciously.

One of the things I love about studying history is seeing the constants and patterns that occur. There are some things that exist in all civilizations. Everyone needs food, water, shelter etc. In every civilization there is love, fear, greed, pride etc. In every civilization there is a religious explanation for their existence. There is a plural or singular deity. Most have an explanation for what happens after death.

And although the details might be different, the time, language, and places are different the ideas are essentially the same. And its within those similarities that you find truth.

Like the quote above says; truth is not something learned but remembered. Its something that our spirit, that part of ourselves that most easily recalls God, knows and tries to tell us if we can be quiet enough.

I've read all three of Dan Brown's Robert Langdon series (Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, and The Lost Symbol) and while I think he's a great action packed, thriller writer he is not the religous expert people have given him the credit for being. He is first and foremost an entertainer. I think his style and purpose for writing are the same as Hollywood's. Its all about flashiness and shock and awe. When everyone was peeing their pants over the Da Vinci Code I couldn't believe the uproar that was caused within the Christian world. This guy wasn't an expert, he wasn't a religous leader or theologian. He's just a writer trying to sell some books. He has an interest in puzzles and riddles and an education in art history. That's it. So why did everyone freak out about the claims he made in his FICTIONAL NOVEL (spoiler alert: As a Mormon I think the idea of Christ having a wife makes total sense. I would never dare to venture that Mary was his wife on this earth and its an even bigger stretch to assume he has descendants but having the understanding I do about marriage and how it pertains to eternal life I don't understand how He couldn't be married.)

The thing that I like about reading Dan Brown's stuff is he gets so close to the truth and he always sets it up like its this incredible revelation. Like in the one I'm reading now he points out that all major religions teach that there is some point in the future where men will be more enlightened than they are now. He states that the apocolypse doesn't mean the end of the world it means the end of the world as we know it. Um, I hate to sound like a know it all but I already knew that. So many things he sets up as the this big scandalous thing like "apotheosis" which means the process by which man becomes like God. The characters in the book are so surprised that prominent men in history strived for such a thing but it seems like a pretty regular idea to me. Isn't the point of most (all?) religion to become more divine?

I also like that he writes characters that believe that science and religion can not only exist together but that they confirm each other.

I haven't finished Symbol yet so I can't weigh in on how I feel about it yet.

That's all really. Its a little scattered. Also I like that Langdon is a former water polo player.

Dear Readers,

2010-01-05T23:07:00.002-07:00

To Sadie, Kerrie, Beckie and Jill (those are the people that I know for sure read this...)

And to whoever else this may concern,

I've decided to go private. So if you want to continue to read my very long, unnecessary posts please send me an email at hahandy@gmail.com and I will gladly add you.

I welcome everyone who reads me. Even if you're in the closet (not the gay kind) and I don't know about you.

Love,
Heather

Reader Beware: Long, Theraputic Rant Ahead

2009-12-13T10:46:00.008-07:00

I hate to add fuel to the media firestorm that has revolved around Tiger Woods lately but its upset me and I'm upset that its upset me...so I'm gonna write about it. If you, (like me) feel that this topic has already received as much publicity as it deserves than by all means please move on to looking at funny/cute pictures of cats or watching youtube videos. But here's my cathartic 2 (more like 200) cents...

I read this article

And I didn't like the things it had to say. I'm referencing it because I think that its what got me worked up enough to write about it.

Here's the reasons I'm upset about this whole Tiger thing:

1. I like(d) Tiger. I've never been interested in the game of golf except for him. He's a successful, good looking, athletic family man. The picture of him excelling at the game his upstanding father taught him and then taking home his winnings to his wife and babies is irresistible to me. But now what with all that's come to the surface he obviously isn't that man. The real Tiger Woods that I’m beginning to see is someone that is a little repulsive to me.

2. That's the next thing that has upset me. If he is so obviously not the seriously dedicated, family man that I've always liked than I can only feel betrayed by sponsors, publicists, ads, and agents that have created this public persona for him. I feel like such a fool that they've tricked me into liking a man (and as a result his stupid, stuffy, “Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden” sport) that doesn't exist. If they (sponsors, publicists etc...) can so easily make me believe in this façade what else are they deceiving me about? Can I trust the picture painted of any public person? I don't think I can or should.

3. And I don't think the media is any better. They're all looking for a way to cash in on this. Every pundit is spinning it in whatever way is most beneficial to them. Most say he should get out in front of it and publicly apologize and disclose everything. Who does that benefit? His wife? His kids? You think it would be good for him to publicly drag himself through the mud? Please. Will my life be better or worse if Tiger publicly confesses his sins to me? The only people such an act would benefit would be the people that would report it to the public. Maybe some think it would restore the faith and trust of his fans. I say that with his home life hanging in the balance this should be the least of his worries.

4. The thing that I’m most upset about is obviously the infidelity. The word makes my skin crawl. I realize that I come from a conservative culture. And that my religion, culture, friends, family and my own personal feelings put marriage on a very high pedestal, but this is (I hope) despicable viewed from any perspective. How can someone be so selfish? In my mind that is the absolute worst possible thing a person can do to their spouse. What a fool he is if he thought his selfish behavior wouldn’t have an effect on anyone and that no one would find out. How humiliated his wife must be. How unfair to his children. If he was single, fine, go get yourself infected and be with the shallowest kinds of women that live in this world. But when you’ve made the commitments he’s made, both privately and publicly I’m only left to think that he is a stupid, selfish, very small kind of man with no thought but for his own pleasure. It seems to me that Tiger must be suffering from an ego so big he's become dysfunctional.

If you are the best in the world at what you do, and you have more money than you know what to do with and you can’t handle being married to a beautiful woman who is the mother of your beautiful children without resisting the temptations of other women then GET A DIVORCE. It happens all the time. You wouldn’t be the first Tiger, and its probable you’d lose some popularity but it couldn’t possibly be worse than what is happening now.

Idiot.

The author of the above article states that he doesn't know Tiger and Elin's sexual values and neither do we, and that many couples (particularly wealthy good looking couples) have "open-marriages". I feel pretty confident in saying that Elin's not feeling this whole situation though.

Along those lines, since this fiasco has happened I’ve heard and read a few people comment that monogamy doesn’t work. That we as humans, are not meant to be monogamous. And that the biggest sin Tiger has committed was being careless and getting caught. What a load of crap. The people that say that are the kind of people that want to have no responsibility for their actions. Yeah right, humans aren’t meant to be monogamous, is that why we have been since the dawn of our existence? I guess that explains why people have been choosing to pair up and live their lives and raise families with one other person for thousands of years because it sucks so bad. Again, what idiots. You have only to consider the risk of pregnancy and disease to see why monogamy is a good idea.

Imagine what would happen to society (is happening to society?) if the family breaks down. Chaos. I’ve studied enough history to be able to see that when the family stops working everything stops working…That’s when the Germanic tribes invade from the north and destroy your capital and enslave you to a foreign ruler. Sounds like a sweet deal yeah?

5. In the article above the author explains that for people like Tiger who are that rich and that famous there is a certain “rockstar” mentality and expectation. That being if you’re not getting a ridiculous amount of extramarital tail you’re a sissy or something. Here’s what the guy says:

“A heterosexual male celebrity athlete/entertainer who likes to socialize faces tremendous pressure from longtime friends and corporate friends to entertain. If the boys are hitting a club, South Beach or Las Vegas, it's Tiger's job to attract the women. This is far more important than Tiger picking up the tab or securing a lady for himself.”

Again this seems like a really weak excuse for bad behavior. As a married man if you can’t handle the pressure of going out…don’t go out. If you love going out too much and can’t give it up, then get yourself single man.

I’m sure that rich, famous, good-looking men are under a kind of pressure I can’t even begin to understand (*rolls eyes). I remember reading a report about my favorite womanizing, egoticstical, crooner being spotted in a gay night club. So obviously he’s gay right? JM’s response to the rumor was that he wanted to go out and have fun without every half dressed, drunken woman in the place throwing themselves at him. I can see how that would get annoying and all I can say to that is shame on those women. I’m embarrassed and ashamed for them.

At this point I feel like I’m condemning the whole world but I’m not quite done yet.

6. Some have spun this as a racial thing…Its getting so much coverage because she’s a attractive white woman…his women on the side are white etc…Shaq is getting a divorce from his black wife because he cheated on her and no one’s batting an eye. The author of the article says that “White America” feels betrayed…that Tiger’s been given all the perks and privileges and now we just feel betrayed. I can't even begin to comprehend the complexity of that can of worms so my only response to that is that this bit of White America doesn’t care how much money Gatorade loses or the color of his Swedish wife. Tiger’s still an ass. Shaq too for that matter, and what’s his name from South Carolina.

7. Lastly, Its hard to believe how professionally irresponsible Tiger’s behavior has been. He’s the face of some pretty big companies and really for the game of golf. The amount of money these entities will lose because of his selfishness is staggering.

What a jerk. Sorry Tiger…I wanted to be on your team but you’ve made it impossible.

This has made me feel better but its SO LONG. I’m really sorry. I won’t be mad if no one reads it.

On the plus side (!?) there's been some excellent puns come out of this whole affair (pun!)

My fave: What's the difference between a golf ball and an Escalade? Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

Yuck yuck yuck...

HI

2009-12-05T23:12:00.010-07:00

Lately I haven't been in the mood to write much. So I'm going to do something I rarely (never really) do. Post pictures instead of words.

We had a great time in Hawaii:

At the temple in Kona

Mom insisted we have lunch in this gross parking lot. There were cigarette butts everywhere. I spied a piece of cardboard I thought might make a good place to sit but then I realized I would have to fight 5 homeless men for it. When we were through I found a prophylactic on the ground in between where my mom is and where I took this picture.

Sarah's favorite part of the trip.

This bird almost bit Carly's face off.

My new bff that I swam with.

A lava tube we came upon about fifteen feet from the ocean that was filled with crystal clear fresh water.

The height of sophistication: Mt. Dew in stemware.

Pineapple Princess

These boys love to make their dad laugh.

Me and M. Bart.

We had a great time. Lets go again!

Oh, public education...

2009-11-14T21:25:00.002-07:00

http://founditsharedit.wordpress.com/2009/10/26/the-best-exam-answers-yet/

The solo's really long, but its a pretty song

2009-11-10T19:43:00.002-07:00

"This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't

You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took

And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"

Thanks Regina.

A Memory, Just in Time for Halloween

2009-10-31T13:21:00.004-06:00

When I was in middle school I walked to and from school everyday. I usually walked with two friends that lived in my neighborhood. Our normal route took us past the Cottonwood Heights Rec Center. On particularly cold days we would cut through the Rec Center for an extra minute of warmth.

One day I was walking home alone. I must have had to stay late that day. I cut through the Rec Center and decided to pay my water bill at a small, little used restroom near my exit. There were only three stalls in the bathroom and noting that all the stall doors were open (giving me the impression I was alone) I chose the middle stall. I go about my business but before I'm finished the silence was cut with a chilling, Halloween worthy, female scream coming from the stall on my right. It scared me so bad I stopped mid-stream, yanked up my pants and got the heck out of there, my exit punctuated by a second scream.

In hindsight, my adult, emergency response trained self thinks I should have checked to see what was wrong. But I was SURE I was alone in there. It freaked me out and I could not do anything but get out. I couldn't use that bathroom again for years. I still don't know what happened. Maybe it was all in my head?

Anyway,

Happy Halloween!

The Ugly Side of the Sacrament

2009-10-24T19:26:00.003-06:00

Bet you didn't think there was one did ya? Neither did I until this morning.

It's my ward's month to clean the church. I signed up to help for today. After being slightly delayed this morning I showed up about fifteen minutes late. I'm still pretty new to my ward and so I didn't know the young man standing in front of the custodial closet door who after quickly scanning the list posted on the door gave me one of the jobs still left. He asked me clean the sacrament preparation room and wipe out all the sacrament trays.

I was kind of excited. I had never been in that room before. I knew it wasn't going to be some ornate luxurious room but just the fact that I had never seen one gave the job an air of mystery and excitement. Just to dispel any romantic notions YOU might have about the room it's little with a counter and a sink and some shelves.

Immediately after registering what the room look liked, my sense of smell was accosted. It stunk. Bad.

Due to the small proportions of the room it didn't take me long to identify the cause of the smell. In the corner was a tall trash can three quarters of the way full with discarded sacrament cups and (brace yourself) bits of wet, moldy, black and blue, fuzzy bread. It was so gross.

Because of the offensive smell I decided I would start with taking the garbage out. I pulled on the bag and it was HEAVY. I got it high enough to see that rank, stinky water was dripping from the bottom of the bag. And as soon as I disturbed the fetid mess the stink increased ten times.

I pulled my shirt over my nose and pulled the trash can onto the stand to get it out of the tiny room. I wiped trays down, counter and sink and it was about this time my roommate Rachelle comes by having finished her job and asks what smells so bad. I show her and her only response is "Boys." She ran to grab two trash bags, one to double up the dripping nasty one and one as a replacement.

When she comes back, shirts over our noses, we double bag that sucker and she hurries away to the dumpster with it. Leaving me with the trash can that still has a quarter inch of stinky water, pieces of beyond recognizable bread and a few tiny plastic cups floating in the bottom. The stink is still overwhelming. I thought about just tossing the can and letting someone in charge know that the sacrament prep room needed a new one. But I remembered that usually the custodial closets have tallish sinks (for lack of a better word) with drains on the floor and faucets with a short hose on them. I dragged the can in there and started rinsing it out. I got the can pretty clean but the bits of "bread" and cups were caught in the drain. So I put on a latex glove and right as I'm about to fish the stuff out the last of the cleaning party shows up at the closet, including the young man who assigned me the job.

"What is that?" he asks disgustedly.

"This is what was in the bottom of the garbage can in the sacrament preparation room." I reply.

Now here comes the worst part of the story. This guy then proceeds to say, like he's patting himself on the back, that that's why he gave that job to a woman. Because we're so "detail oriented" and men clean that room up all the time and miss stuff like that. What?! Taking out the stinking, moldy, mildewy trash that has been neglected for months and months is detail oriented?! And only the sensitivity and discerning eye of a woman could catch such a subtle offense. He would have been better off complimenting ME and not generalizing my sex as the world's best man's trash taker outers. Maybe I'm overreacting...

Anyway...

The second worst part about cleaning up that room was wiping old lipstick off of the bottom of the water trays. There's something you never think about.

Happy Sabbath tomorrow!

The Dentist and I

2009-10-21T22:47:00.004-06:00

I went to the dentist today. An appointment I keep every 6 months. I'm kind of starting to realize that this is more frequent than most adults see the dentist if there's nothing bothering them but I try to do it for a couple reasons:

1. Because I'm still on my parent's insurance and I can

2. Because growing up I had really bad teeth. I had cavities every time I went. I even had a couple root canals on baby teeth. Ridiculous right? Thanks to growing up and (relatively) regular brushing and flossing I seem to have it under control but I'm still paranoid that if I don't stay out in front of it my teeth will just turn black and fall out.

Going to the dentist for me is always an ironic experience. I hate going to the dentist. I don't really like having my teeth cleaned and I REALLY don't like having anything beyond that done. But I love my dentist's office. Here's a list of things I like about the dentist:

The receptionist and hygienists. I've been going to the same dentist for years and years. They've known me a long time. They know every member of my family and what order we all come in. When Ryan was gone they always asked how he was. They know what my degree is in. They know I have a boyfriend. They know I moved to Ohio. And now they know I'm back. I feel like I could almost count them as friends. Except most of my friends don't put their fingers in my mouth. MOST of them. (hee).

While the music that plays is the softest rock that's ever existed and makes me want to cry with boredom there are tv's in the ceiling which if I'm just going in for a cleaning I usually don't bother with but if I'm having something more serious done its a nice way to pass the time and a good distraction when the drill and clamps are at work. Yuck.

The nitrous oxide. Nuff said.

I really like that heavy apron they put on you when they do your x-rays. Is that weird? I always want them to just leave it on me.

The warm towel they give you to wipe your face when you're done.

Now here's the stuff I don't like about the dentist:

Everything else.

The rest is just varying degrees of super unpleasant to downright painful. It sucks and I hate it.

But I go all the time. What's wrong with me?

The other thing that I find incredibly ironic about going to the dentist is I go in feeling fine. No problems with my mouth whatsoever. They'll tell me I have a cavity. So I go in to get it fixed. I leave. The spot they worked on now bothers me. What the crap? Are they just making stuff up? Like there isn't enough dental problems in the world they have to make up work to do in my mouth. Stupid. I'm pretty sure the Bartons alone have paid for Dr. Gleave's second home in St. George.

Sigh.

and another thing...

2009-10-20T22:09:00.003-06:00

This is scary. I either need to become a vegetarian or find a way to eat healthily raised meat. I'm glad I don't have to worry about feeding kids. Its hard enough for me!

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1917458,00.html

This is a good idea. And maybe a way to improve the problem in the first article...

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/10/05/ruiz.obesity.tax/index.html?iref=newssearch

I saw the movie that article refers to and it was disturbingly gluttonous. A not so subtle nod in our direction.

My new favorite show:

http://www.hulu.com/the-biggest-loser

Makes me feel motivated. But the irony of watching people work out INSTEAD of working out is not lost on me.

And finally, some energy (read: money) saving tips:

http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/energy/2009-10-15-how-to-lower-heating-costs_N.htm

Just some stuff I've been reading/thinking about.

Happy Fall

A Parallel

2009-09-17T12:47:00.004-06:00

I've long believed that outside of Mormon culture drinking (of the alcohol variety) is less a personal choice indicating if you stand on moral high ground or grovel in a pit of societal filth and more just something that you do. When you're 5 you go to kindergarten, 13 you're officially a teenager, sixteen you drive a car and somewhere around there I would imagine you have your first drink. Its a coming of age sort of thing...a rite of passage, a cultural experience, more than a moral choice an individual makes. An average American youth whose parents drink casually and responsibly I don't think ever has a moment where a switch is flipped in their head and says "I think today is the day I will start my descent into hell" and goes and has a drink. That's the way that we (Mormons) are taught to think about drinking (not the descent into hell part the individual choice part). To us it IS a choice between right and wrong, good and evil. A drink to us is a very decided step in the wrong direction. Because (sigh) we know better.

As you all know I am not a drinker. Nor will I ever be. If you really must know I think it is gross, wasteful, and if this makes sense at all, insincere. I really don't respect it or appreciate what it does to people and to families. However, some of the people I love very most are drinkers. And in my time observing them I've been able to draw an interesting parallel with drinking culture and Mormon culture (are you curious?????)

In the following examples please substitute the word "drink" with the words "ice cream":

"Hey its your birthday! Let me buy you a drink!"

"Hey I think you're cute and nice, can I take you for a drink?"

"You got a new job! Awesome! Let me buy you a drink!"

"I haven't seen you in so long! Lets go get a drink now that you're back in town."

"We won our league's basketball championship! We're meeting up for a drink."

"Hard day at work? Wanna go for a drink?"

"You're boyfriend broke up with you? What a jerk. Lets go for a drink."

etc. etc.

Interesting right? Who knew ice cream was such a big part of our culture. No wonder Utah is the number 1 consumer of ice cream.

And in any of these scenarios I personally would substitute ice cream with fro yo. Or vodka but that's just me.

Peace.

"No amount of coffe, no amount of crying, no amount of whiskey, no wine, nothing else will do. I gotta have you" -- The Weepies

The Epic Tragedy of Wall Drug (pronounced wale droog)

2009-09-08T19:14:00.004-06:00

I drove across the country over the holiday weekend. An experience I would encourage everyone to have at least once. It really gives you some perspective on how big our country really is and there's nothing like seeing the crappy middle of nowhere towns some people live in to make you appreciate where you live. I told Molly somewhere in Wisconsin that I kind of wanted to just go to someone's front door and say "You know you don't have to live here right? There are better places than this."

When I drove cross country the first time in January we took I-80 through Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, Illonios, Indiana and finally Ohio. It was straight and flat and boring. Eastern Wyoming and Nebraska where the worst. Things got a little better through the I states. More of what you tend to think of when you think of Middle America: rolling hills, farmhouses, elephant eye tall corn etc.

On the way back Molly and I decided to take I-90 which took a little out of the way to the north so that we could see Mt. Rushmore. Something I've always wanted to do but knew I would never plan a trip there. Its very out of the way and in the middle of nowhere, you see.

Our first leg of the journey took us via the Ohio turnpike through Indiana and up through Chicago. We stopped for the night in Beloit, Wisconsin just over the state line. We ended up paying a little over $20 in tolls. Ridiculously infruriating. Especially to someone who has traveled miles and miles of good roads for free out west. Listen up you east side midwestern states: Take a look at whatever it is we're doing out here and copy it because driving through your states sucks.

Next day brought us Wisconsin, Minnesota (which boasts 10,000 lakes but I only saw a little pond) and finally South Dakota.

Whatever South Dakota lacks in natural beauty when compared to its neighbors it makes up for in quirkiness. The road was flat and straight but I got the feeling that the residences of the state didn't take themselves too seriously, and weren't afraid to exploit anything as some sort of attraction. I saw some pretty strange yard art (skeleton of a man leading a skeleton of a dinosaur on a leash) and a palace (read small indoor basketball arena) made of corn, but the most intriguing thing about the state was Wall Drug.

We hadn't been in SD for too long before we starting seeing signs for Wall Drug. We continued to see these signs for all 350 miles we were in the state. Some had cowboys on them, some dinosaurs, I saw rockets and Santa Clause all advertising Wall Drug. Is it a town? A store? As we neared our destination for the night (Rapid City) the signs became more frequent and I finally asked Molly to look up what Wall Drug was on her phone.

A google search revealed (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wall_Drug) that essentially Wall Drug is a big, old drugstore that had free ice water, five cent coffee and homemade doughnuts.

It is truly a testament of how stir crazy we must have been for this to cause the excitement it did. We were stopping. No matter what. We were getting our free ice water, home made doughnut and five cent coffee we wouldn't drink. We exited at Wall, SD. Followed the signs, excitment building and building. We were finally going to see the Wall Drug! We pulled up and parked. It was serioulsy half a block long. It was built in the style of the old west. So excited. We approached the door...and I wish I was making this up... I extended my hand to open the door...and...the lights went out. The door was locked. It was only eight o'clock at night! We had come so far! For the love! After all the build up and not even a free ice water. Biggest let down of the trip. So sad.

To add insult to injury we got some real crappy food at the cafe across the street.

Again sorry for the long post. I promised myself I would keep this short. Maybe because I wait so long in between blogs it builds up and all comes out at once like blog vomit.

Eaters of the World Unite!

2009-07-25T18:40:00.006-06:00

So I just finished reading this book...

It fits into two new interests of mine; healthy eating and non-fiction. It got me pretty fired up. Poor W has born the brunt of it.

The book was In Defense of Food. It laid bare some very interesting points about the culture of eating we're caught up in today. Its killing us. Its really killing us. Due to modern medicine people today are dying less and less from infectious disease such as the bubonic plague or small pox but now we are dying of diet related illnesses: Obesity, diabetes, heart disease and cancer. Yuck right? These things can be hereditary but for the most part they are diet related. Is it a coincidence that these diseases have been on the rise ever since fast food, and processed food have taken the place of home cooking in our lives? I submit that it is not. Ever since we let the food industry, government , and Ronald McDonald tell us what to eat and kicked Mom out of the kitchen we've become the fattest and possibly the most unhealthy eaters in the world. Never before has such a well fed population been so malnourished. What a giant contradiction!

Why have we started listening to nutritionists and scientists to find out what we should eat when for thousands of years humans have flourished on trusting their own senses and eating what their mothers feed them? Why are we suckered into one eating fad after another? They tell us to eat a diet low in fat, low protein and high carb, then low carb and high protein, now antioxidants and omega 3s are all the rage. Could it be that scientists can't see the whole picture? Why do we keep trusting them when they are continually proving themselves wrong or at least finding out that they don't know as much as they thought they did.

So here's the skinny (pun!):

If it has a health claim on it you should avoid it. For real. Take margarine for example; when margarine hit the scene it was hailed as a miracle because it took the place of butter but cut out all the reasons butter is bad for us. Fast forward 30 years and scientists are finding that the heart attacks they thought margarine was saving you from its actually causing. Because, think about it this makes a lot of sense, once the "bad fats" that are in butter are eliminated they have to replace it with something else. This something else turns out to be something synthetic, man made. That's right, a man engineered fat that is far worse for you than the original fat (which actually turns out to be good for you) in butter. Whoops. How could the human body be expected to deal with something that doesn't occur in nature better than something its been eating forever. So really if it claims to be low or reduced fat...stay away from it...you're better off with whatever nature provides...

Which brings me to my next point. Fruits and veggies can't make health claims. The biggest sin we might be commiting in our diets today is the sin of omission. Vegetarians aren't healthier because meat is bad for you they are healthier because they eat more fruits and veggies. Our poor diets might be less the result of what we ARE eating but more a result of what we ARE NOT eating. If you've got a 12oz steak on your plate is there much room for anything else? Poor fruits and veggies can't wear shiny labels that say "Now with more vitamin C!" or something to that effect. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot and it will always be good for you.

So much of what we are eating is the result of clever marketing. The food business is just that: a business. They are not interested in your health they are interested in making a profit. And the worst part is is that not even the government is looking out for you! Companies will pay big bucks to get the FDA to label something or word something a certain way in their favor. When nutritionists found out that eating grains where good for us (duh!) Cold cereal makers hit the big time. Its all about money. And we fall for all of their marketing ploys.

Another thing that was startling to me is that today the average American is getting somewhere near 80% of their calories from only three sources: corn, wheat and soy. This is a scary thought when you consider we are omnivores. We require a diverse diet to get all of the nutrients we need. If it comes in a box or a bag you can count on it having one of those three grains in them. Yikes.

So how do we avoid all of the traps laid for us? Follow these simple rules:

1. Don't eat anything your great great grandmother wouldn't recognize as food. When I read this I thought of Cheetos. Would someone who hasn't been alive for the past twenty years know that a Cheeto was edible? I don't think so. The book cited Go-gurts. You could tell Grandma it was yogurt but if you look at the ingredients is it really just yogurt?

2.Which leads me to the next guideline: Don't eat anything packaged with more than 5 ingredients. Take bread for example. Bread is made from flour, yeast, water, salt, maybe some butter or oil. Next time you buy bread check out the ingredients label. What is all that stuff?!

3. Don't eat anything you can't pronounce. If you can't pronounce it you probably don't know what it is. If you don't know what it is how do you know its good for you?

4. Stop snacking. Its a lot of calories, a lot of food we don't need. Never sit down with a box or a bag.

5. Don't eat alone (if you can help it). One of the things that has changed dramatically from our greatgradmothers time is not just what we eat but HOW we eat. We eat increasingly on the run. In our cars...quickly in between tasks at work. Its not healthy. We're losing our food culture. And our society is suffering as a result. Think of all the things that are/can be/should be taught at a family dinner table. How many families really take that opportunity? Also if you don't eat alone you are more likely to be aware of how much you are eating because of those around you.

6. Cook more. The book pointed out that never before has a society spent so little time and so little money on what it eats. Think back 150 years ago. If providing food for yourself and your family wasn't your full time job (farming) it was the second most time consuming element in your day. By spending a little more time and a little more money everyday we will be eating healthier. If you cook for yourself you never have to wonder what's in what you're eating. After having a frustrating experience in the kitchen W asked me why I like to cook. I told him its because I like being able to enjoy (and have others enjoy) something I created. When put like that he could see how it could be rewarding. But besides work what should take up the most time in our day to day? Food of course! But does it? DOES IT?!

So that's it for the most part. I'll climb down from my soap box. Since reading the book I definitely haven't kept to these guidelines 100% but I am more aware of what I'm eating and that's the first step to being healthier.

Sorry my posts are so long. If I were you I don't know if I could make it :) Thanks for reading.

An Open Mind

2009-07-04T23:00:00.002-06:00

An Open Mind

Recently I had someone I care about tell me that it didn’t take him very long after meeting me to realize that I was a religious person. He worried that because he thought that I was religious there was a good chance that I would be close minded…

When did these two ideas become associated with each other?

And from what I understand about religion shouldn’t this be the other way around? I am religious therefore I am open-minded? Doesn’t someone believing in something greater than themselves, putting their trust and faith in something unseen, being humble enough to admit that they don’t know all the answers or have control over everything sound pretty open minded? Is this not a good description of a religious person?

For me, someone who can’t see beyond himself /herself or has to see something to believe it…that is a close-minded person.

What determines a religious person anyway? Their values? How much faith they exhibit? The ordinances they participate in? How often they go to church?

What’s funny is that before I moved away from Utah I never considered myself to be a religious person. I know that that sounds crazy to some people who know me but I really didn’t. If I imagine a friend describing me to someone it would go something like, “she’s kind of tall, likes to read, big family, doesn’t drink or swear, history major, teacher, makes a mean batch of muddy buddies…” but not “She’s religious.” Maybe it’s because the culture I come from is religious…I couldn’t see the forest for the trees or something. I’ve just always considered myself a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but not a “religious person”. Once I moved away though I realized that I was unique. Not because I had a religion but because I was a DEVOUT member of that religion. I was surprised to learn that not everybody who is religious is devout.

So maybe I’m a devout person but not a religious one?

I try to be an obedient person. Maybe that’s what makes me religious. To me obedience isn’t and never will be a bad thing. I tend to cringe at the term “blind obedience” which is something that people of my faith are often accused of. Is it so hard to believe that I live my life a certain way because I KNOW it will make me happy? I don’t think that it might, or guess and cross my fingers, or (worst of all) ignorantly follow a kind, old, charismatic leader. I KNOW it’s right. And even if I don’t have a full understanding I have faith that someday I will. And I guess that’s what gets me about debates over issues where religion is on one side and “open-minded” people are on the other…I feel like non-religious people never take into consideration the fact that there is an element of faith to our reason. There is an unseen power that you can’t begin to understand unless you’ve felt it for yourself. And most critics of religion don’t take that into account let alone try to really understand it.

Religion doesn’t stick to tradition because its all that it knows and is scared to progress. Is it so hard to believe or consider that traditional values are good because they are founded on true principles? And its my humble opinion that in the scope of human history tradition often becomes progressive.

Truth is truth no matter where you encounter it. Its not right or wrong, good or bad. You can’t have an opinion on it, or make excuses for it. Its truth.

Maybe instead of open or close minded a more correct term in this situation would be tolerant or intolerant?

Last thing I want to say is that I know some really terrible things have been done in the name of religion. And that makes me sad because some things people do in the name of God I know God would never put his name on. Hatred, fear, violence, these are things God would never approve of let alone endorse. I believe He is incapable of such ugly feelings. He is by definition, love.

I asked a lot of questions in this post which may have seemed rhetorical. If you feel however that have the answers to some of the things I asked please way in.

Oh and once I saw a t-shirt that defined a liberal as someone so open minded their brain had fallen out. Harsh but clever!

The Best Part of My Day

2009-06-22T19:10:00.002-06:00

"Are you guys ready to go swimming?"
Half the four year olds sitting on the side of the pool respond with an enthusiastic "YES!" or "NO!" while the other half don't respond at all.
"Alright well I'm excited! Go ahead and get in the water safely the way I showed you."
The kids proceed to roll on to their little bellies and scoot their little bums down into the water.
"Now that we're in the water what comes next? What do we do now?"
Crickets...
"We've got to get our hair wet! Like this..." I make an exaggerated show of holding my breath, submerging, and jumping out of the water with wet hair and a smile on my face.
"What's that called? What do you guys need to do?"
We've done the same thing in the same order for the past five days. The kids know what they're supposed to do. They even know the name of it the move. They are just being shy.
"What's this called?" I show the kids the skill again.
I think of all the ways I could prompt an older audience to give me the name of the skill I just demonstrated...
We do it with apples at Halloween...
Danny Tanner of Full House: ______ Saggett
Hairstyle worn by Flapper girls in the roaring 20's
Lorena _____it
Finally Adam who is bigger than the other kids but is generally pretty timid gets brave and yells
"KEBABS!"

Dear Cleveland,

2009-06-01T10:58:00.003-06:00

I'm really sorry about the Cav's loss. I know you had a lot of hope riding on them what with the disappointment that the Browns and the Indians are.

Let me be so bold as to make a suggestion...that you fill that void, that emptiness and disappointment, with something much more lasting and powerful than Lebron James could ever be...something that will never abandon you or let you down, or trade owner's hands...

Come be a part of a team that will never lose...

www.mormon.org

(rolls eyes at self) For reals though, if Clevelanders have a common deity it is athletics. And the amount of faith they show in teams that fail them is staggering. I know there is a better bank to invest in so to speak...

I'll stop before I get going.

Luv.

Earth Day

2009-04-23T14:01:00.006-06:00

First up I'm home and so is Ryan and its awesome.

Secondly, yesterday was Earth Day. I subbed for a social studies class and the teacher left a video on global warming. In a few of the more mature classes I started a discussion on global warming and what they thought about it. Typical of teenagers there was a wide range of opinions all of them super dramatic...
some had no concern for any of it real or not...
some didn't believe it was happening at all...
some believed that it will soon destroy our earth and our lives...
some believed that it was a hopeless situation and there was nothing that could be done to stop it.
I asked the class how they personally could help reduce global warming and when I suggested walking, or riding the bus instead of driving everywhere they scoffed...how lame...when I suggested a bike one girl pointed out that bikes were made in factories and that factories cause lots of pollution (good point)....I countered by telling her that once a bike is made there are no emissions when you use it...smart aleck (but clever) girl says:
"Well don't we emit carbon dioxide when we exhale?"
Me hesitantly, "Yes,,,"
"If I rode a bike everywhere I'd breath heavier, that'd be bad for the environment."
10 points for that girl.

So all that thinking and talking got me thinking about my own solution for global warming and I think I came up with a pretty solid one that will make the maximum amount of people happy.

Complete annihilation of the human race.

Its a quick and efficient solution to our problem...Conservatives will be happy because they'll go straight to heaven because they were right all along. Liberals will be happy because its dramatic and lasting and a complete departure from traditional methods. With humans gone the environment wins.

Polar bears will rule the earth.

So simple. I bet you're embarrassed you didn't think of it.

Best of Substitute Teaching

2009-04-08T13:38:00.003-06:00

Here's some highlights and low lights of my time working as a sub in the Lakewood City School District:

1. 2nd grader coming into class and gasping, "A sub!? She's beautiful." And then running and giving me a hug.

2. Having a high schooler ask me if I was white.

3. An elementary school folk dancing assembly which ended with me in a chain of fourth graders doing the bunny hop.

4. Playing catch with a severely autistic student with one of the those big plastic grocery store balls.

5. Being caught off guard by another severely autistic student when he emerged from his napping space completely naked from the waist down after having peed everywhere.

6. Playing the piano for a choral class. (smithishot@hotmail.com)

7. Disappointing a Spanish class by actually speaking Spanish.

8. Boring a history class with a discussion on Communism vs. Capitolism when all they want to do is get to the assignment their teacher left them.

9. Watching Fresh Prince of Bel Air with a class of under achievers.

10. Having angel classes with awesome plans and being able to read ALL day.

11.Knowing probably 50% of the 7th grade students names at Harding Middle School and having them be excited to see me.

12. Being totally ignored by off task High schoolers.

13. Students recognizing me and saying hello around town.

14. Using the same activity with 7th graders that I did the day before with 2nd graders and having them both be excited and engaged in it.

My biggest complaint with substitute teaching is the inconsistency. Except for that its not a bad gig. I still get to feel kind of like a teacher but without all the work and responsibility. On good days its like teaching. On bad days its like extreme babysitting. I don't want to have to do it for too much longer (I can't afford to really) but it hasn't been all bad..

"Hey teacher leave those kids alone!" -- Pink Floyd

The Shins

2009-03-28T15:23:00.003-06:00

I might have to take back what I said in my last post about the bad music in Gilmore Girls because the last episode I watched featured The Shins!!!!! Not just their music...they were in the episode playing! I heart them.

"Cuz this is nothing like we'd ever dreamt
Tell Sir Thomas Moore we've got another failed attempt."

And in response to Sadie's comment on my last post: Yes it is very scripted but like I said the emotion feels real. That's what keeps me coming back.

Love you.

HH

What the Inside of My Head Looks Like

2009-03-24T16:11:00.003-06:00

I have so many things that I REALLY want to write about. I'm kind of happy about this because I haven't felt this way in a long time...I'll try not to do it all at once...just vomit every thought in one blog...if I was smart and patient I'd spend the time to really, appropriately clear my head but it may just all have to come out now...

1. Gilmore Girls...This show and I haven't always been friends. For a long long time I just thought it was a silly girly show where the women talk way too fast guaranteeing a headache for any viewer. Through a series of events I don't want to take the time to describe I've become a pretty serious follower of Lorelei and Rory. Here's what I think: This show is much better than I originally gave it credit for. Yes they talk fast and make the most obscure references in almost every sentence (does anybody get ALL of them??? If you do call me. You're the smartest person I know. I only get about half) and the music is abominable (except Carol King in the opening credits) but at least once an episode at least one of the characters exhibits a depth and complexity I don't think I've seen anywhere else on television. You get the feeling that these are real people with real human responses to the slightly unreal situations the writers put them in. If you watch House or Grey's Anatomy or some trauma drama show like that the amount of tragedy one character endures in one episode is so enormous and so over the top it would put a normal person in the ground for sure. And they have such unnatural responses to it. But these Gilmore girls and the people in there lives have problems you can believe and responses to them you can believe. I mean its still television...the scenarios are still over the top but its better than I gave it credit for. Thanks Rachelle for watching with me.

2. I've been reading kind of accidentally a lot of books about African colonialism lately. I really want to write about that but its not time yet. What I do want to write about is the men in these books. Lately the male figures in the books I've been reading have frustrated me. Causing me to redefine my view on feminism. I don't subscribe to traditional feminism its much to severve for me, but I do support individual women getting the love and respect they deserve in their individual lives. Whatever that means for them. Now the new idea brought on by my reading: I don't want to be equal to a man (why would I want to be like a man?)...I want a man to ACT (not be) equal to me. I'm talking about sharing...sacrafice...service...This may seem backwards. Maybe it is. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about...The men in the books for the most part are collectively LAZY, and to some degree abusive...Obviously not all men are like this but when I think of most monogamous relationships I know of , whether the woman works outside the home or not, she carries most the load on the home front. Again not true for everyone. This is a little true too in the single/dating world I've experienced. The men that I've been reading about would only participate in what they felt like was "man's work" which mostly consisted of heavy lifting, higher thinking, killing something and drinking on the porch with their friends. This meant that EVERYTHING else was left to the women. If you consider all it takes to keep a family and home running especially if their are children involved this is not an equal share of labor.

So let me back up...I'm not coming down on dudes. You know I love you right dudes? These are fictionaly dudes I'm talking about. I'm just saying that for me...in whatever sort of situation I'm currently in or end up in I want there to be a sharing of work and responsibility...a feeling of "I've got your back" or "I'm on your team". That sounds so romantic to me. This goes the other way too. If I need to work outside the home I'll work outside the home. Its a team effort.

Is this feminism?

3. Along those lines I was struck by the thought today that we are affected and in some way changed by every relationship we have with another person. Obviously it stands to reason the more significant the relationship the more significant the change. This happens because when we are in a relationship (friendship, romance, familial, work etc.) we are offering some part of ourselves to that person. If its a mutually successful and healthy relationship the other person is offering some part of themselves back. Thus by giving of ourselves and recieving (the trust?) of someone else we are changed. If you feel that you are unchanged by your relationship with someone it is because you are only taking from the relationship and not giving back. In a word I believe it is called selfishness, and behind that word is probably another ugly one like fear, hate, sadness.

Imagine if you will two people who give 100% of themselves 100% of the time to the other. The force, the energy, and power that this...there is no other word for it...love would create would be huge, unimaginable...I don't know if the world could contain it. (Oh geez I just rolled my eyes at myself) but seriously, I do think that the level that we humans do manage to give to each other provides enough energy that it is what makes the world rotate...the sun to rise in the morning and people to get out of bed and live their lives. I know that when I only have myself to think about in a day its harder to get out of bed. When I was little I asked my mom why so many of the songs on the radio were about love. She replied that it was because love makes the world go round. Like she is with so many things...she was right.

I have a bunch of stuff to say about Ohio but I'll write it later.

I apologize to those that made it this far. Sometimes I should just write a journal entry and save everyone the trouble.

February

2009-02-24T14:23:00.002-07:00

This month I've had more of a chance than I've ever taken for myself to think about Black History Month.

A friend shared this article with me:

http://www.cleveland.com/morris/index.ssf/2009/02/black_history_month_is_outlivi.html

I encourage you to read it and to really consider it.

If by chance you do not take the time to read it, it essentially asks the question of whether or not a Black history month is still needed.

My first reaction was no. Of course not. As long as we still separate ourselves by class or race or sex or religion in any way we cannot achieve equality. When are we just Americans? When will Obama not be my black president but my president? When is Woman's history month? When is Native American history month? When is Mormon history month? When does black history become American history?

The author of the article asks that with the election and inauguration of our first black president are we mature enough to accept our histories as one? When does this "pointless exercise of racial chest-bumping" become obsolete?

At first I agreed with him.

Then I was offered an alternate point of view.

Is black (or lets say any minority) history given as much time in an American classroom as white american (majority) history? As a history teacher I guiltily have been a witness to (even the reason) that no its not. Are black inventors and writers, activists and athletes revered and taught about as frequently? No they are not.

Until they are, maybe we still need a black history month.

I think though as we've been witnessing in our own time important and lasting milestones in black history that black history, more than ever is American history. As years pass and today is written in history books there will be less and less distinguishment over who's history is being taught and we will accept and understand that whether we are discussing the achievements of blacks, women, jews, gays it is OUR history.

Someday, I hope every month will be black history month...cuz my mom says "Once you go black you never go back" :)

Hunter

2009-02-06T09:45:00.002-07:00

Yesterday my mom called me:

“Are you sitting down?”

“Yes,” panic rising, “What's wrong?”

“The Pathfinder is dead.”

(Sound of my heart breaking)

What a ride right? I'm not even there to say goodbye. I figured the best way to honor it was to write down some of my favorite memories about it...

My mom bought it for me for graduation while my dad was out of town. It wasn't the first time she had purchased a vehicle without him. I had gone and looked at the car and driven it around. I loved it but didn't speak up about it because I couldn't afford it and it was my parents' decision. Make that my parent's decision. I don't remember what the objection my dad had to buying the car but apparently their was an objection. One day I came home from lunch and it was parked in front of the house. When I got home from school it was gone. I thought that maybe my mom was taking it to have it inspected to see if it was worth buying...I played dumb. Two days later it reappeared. And it was mine. She bought it for me. I remember coming home as a family from something. My dad had gotten home from wherever he had been and it was in the driveway. This was the moment she chose to tell him she had bought it. This is the first and only time I have ever seen my stepfather angry. His face turned red and he didn't say a word. Just looked disbelieving at my mother. For a second I worried for their marriage. Naturally I felt real guilty at accepting this gift.

My mom bought it to get me through college. It did that almost to the day and more. It was important to her that I had 4x4 to get through Sardine canyon. It got the job done.

Places its been: Logan (countless times), Bear Lake (countless times), Flaming Gorge twice, Southern California, Mexico, Las Vegas, and its final and most character testing trip all through California this summer.

I remember sitting in the parking lot of Little Caesar's in Logan with some of the FDRs after letting Jill, Steph and Jenni give it a little test drive. We put the seats down in the back and ate a pizza pretending like we were comfortable and cool.

One winter Sarah, Mary, Carly and I were going sledding. We brought the dog a long and he managed to roll his head up in the back seat window.

I gave both of my brothers lessons on driving a manual car in that Pathfinder.

Long drives on my own with great music.

The Reeders, LD and the rift valley.

Ski trips to Beaver Mountain last spring.

Long, dark, winding drives on Highway 9 with the Santa Crew, Haley and Will. (and Alex D. shouting Fat Bottomed Girls).

Some dude in San Jose in a giant nice truck offering to buy it from me because it was so nice when I rolled into CA.

Leaving it unlocked at Disneyland.

Leaving it unlocked EVERYWHERE. And never having anyone take anything out of it until this October when someone looted it in front of my house.

Haley, Will and I baking through the California dessert. And then Haley and I continuing on through the Mojave and Southern Utah with no AC. We are all champions.

And continuing to drive it for a couple weeks after I got my new Subaru.

So after nineteen years and 186,000 miles you deserve a rest. What a good car. I miss it.

An Historic Day...For Southpaws

2009-01-20T13:34:00.004-07:00

Being unemployed I watched more than my fair share of inaguration coverage today. What a proud day in our nation's history. How great would it be to be among the millions in Washington celebrating right now?

Think of the weight of history on President Obama's shoulders. All those years of trial, persecution and discrimination. Think of all the heroes...those champions of equality that have come before him and made this dream a reality. I'm so proud of our nation. We have overcome so much. We have elected out fifth consecutive left-handed president. A great step towards equality in our nation.

The universe is saying something. Are you listening?

Left-handers rule. Literally.

Apples to apples

2009-01-08T18:00:00.004-07:00

I'm fully aware that of all the things that I could or should share with family and friends right now this should be at the bottom of the barrel. But this is important to me so I want to write about it:

Today, I made a break-through concerning my apple allergy.

When I was about seven years old I remember being in the car with my dad on the long road to Flaming Gorge. We had a few travel snacks and among them were a pair of apples. I ate mine and enjoyed it until my throat began to itch, then my mouth, then my tongue. There might have been some swelling too. It was extremely uncomfortable and I wondered if I would die.

I didn't.

But I kind of wanted to.

After that I noticed that it wasn't just apples that caused this reaction. To my dismay eating peaches, plums, nectarines, and pears became uncomfortable. I have a vivid memory of getting a Jamba (I think back then it was Zuka) Juice with some friends in middle school. I chose one that had fresh peaches in it and my top lip was cracked in the center. Well that angry little peach got in there and made the point at the center of my top lip swell to the size of a marble. Gross and embarassing.

So I've been annoyed and upset for a good amount of years over all this fruit I can't consume. Every once in awhile I would try one of these forbidden fruits to see if maybe, just maybe I've grown out of the allergy or that maybe it was just THAT apple or just THAT peach. But to no avail. Until recent years. Some of the fruit I've tried, mostly home grown stuff I've been ok with. That made me think it was a pesticides thing. So I tried organic apples at the grocery store. No good. Today though I made a break through. I've realilzed at least where apples are concerned that green apples are fine, red ones are the ones that do it to me. I'm like Snow White. Weird right? But now I can eat apples again! Can anyone figure this out? If you tell me its all in my head or that I'm faking it, we aren't friends anymore.

More on Cleveland OH later. I'm jobless thus have plenty of time to write.

Expect the Unexpected

2008-12-31T19:22:00.003-07:00

If on December 31st 2007 the ghost of New Years Yet to Come had shown me what the year 2008 would bring me, I wouldn't have believed him. Nor do I think I would have understood what I saw.

To say the least 2008 was unexpected. My last semester in Logan was so long, so boring, I was dying for a change, for something new and different. So I went to California. The only expectations I had when I went out there was to have fun.

Expectation met.

Everything else about my time in California was completely unexpected. I didn't see it coming and I'm still not sure how it all happened.

I didn't even know his name when he put his hand on my waist as we crouched on a small wooden platform as part of a team building activity. I was taken by surprise twice in that moment. My first reaction was "Hey who does this guy think he is?" followed by something I didn't expect: that hand felt like it belonged there. It actually scared me. Surprise! I realize how hollywood that sounds but I won't pretend like it didn't happen like that.

The fall passed in a blur. I was working so hard as a student teacher that I think I didn't even have time to mark the passage of time. The weekends at the end of September, October and November stand out in my mind but everything else about the fall runs together.

Winter came. I graduated. 5 1/2 years in the making. A bright spot not just on 2008 but on my life.

And now its time for 2009 to start. Before July I don't think I knew where Cleveland, Ohio was. Now, because of what has happened in 2008 I will be moving there in two days. Even as I type this I can hardly believe it.

Some people have said that its a brave thing I'm doing. Maybe, but I don't feel very brave. It's just something I have to do. Unless I want to live the rest of my life wondering, I don't have much choice.

And the truth is with or without Cleveland I'm still at a crossroads in my life. I would still have to take a step into the dark, not knowing what was on the other side. The next chapter of my life is unwritten and I want to be its author. I don't want to wait around and have it written for me.

Sadie told me that of anyone she knows I can handle this experience and that I do well with the unknown. I responded by telling her that I'm equipped with the knowledge that the gospel is true, that Christ is my Savior, that my family loves and supports me and after that anything I don't know doesn't scare me. And I'm very willing to add to the store of things I DO know and take away some of the things that I don't. Seek and ye shall find.

Jenni told me she was proud of me and that gives me confidence.

My mom told me she would always be there which gives me peace of mind.

Will told me he loves me which inspires me.

Bring it on 2009.

Through all of this I am so grateful for a mother who encourages me and supports me in finding my way rather than try to keep me home and safe where nothing bad (or good) can happen to me. So much of who I am is because of her. I can't even begin to say how much she means to me.

Leap and the net will appear -- Zen saying

Winter Travel

2008-12-23T18:33:00.002-07:00

This weekend was my first experience flying in the winter time. I never realized it before but as I was crossing the country at 30,000 feet the entire country was frozen over. It was strange to think about...

So here are the worst things about traveling in the winter time:

1. The weather

2. Its really cold (aka the weather)

3. Flights are often delayed, canceled, or made more dangerous (because of the weather)

4. Traveling near Christmas was also an interesting experience. I think if a flight is canceled in January everyone will be inconvenienced and disgruntled however they might miss a work day or a class and who doesn't love a legitimate excuse to be kept from that stuff every once in awhile. But if your flight gets canceled near Dec. 25 everyone is a little more upset and panicked cause everyone wants to be home for the holidays.

So here's what happened to me. I left the Cleve Monday morning, flight was uneventful. I had a three hour lay-over in Chicago O'Hare. Huge airport, spent a bunch of time walking around, ate a Chicago dog and some caramel popcorn. My flight was on time but over booked. They asked for volunteers to stay the night in Chicago in exchange for Delta dollars. For about 15 minutes I stressed over what to do. On the one hand I'm jobless, thus poor, young etc. and I had nothing to lose by staying the night. On the other hand what if something went wrong with my flight the next day? Canceled? Delayed? It was only three days before Christmas.

I finally decided to stick around. So, Delta provided me with a hotel room at the Wyndham which was actually pretty nice. Free shuttle back and forth from the airport. A guaranteed first class ticket to SLC at 7:15 in the morning. $21 in meal vouchers and $400 Delta Dollars to be used however, whenever I want to in the next year toward flights. Not a bad deal. But I was still stressed about the next mornings flight.

Spending the night alone in Chicago three days before Christmas was kind of fun. I pretended like I was Kevin from Home Alone. I guess its Home Alone II that he spends in a nice hotel alone but that's in New York. I would have liked to have spent some time downtown but I was scared because I was alone and it was FREEZING outside. Seriously, so cold.

Woke up at 5:15. Airport was so crowded. Started to get stressed about the security line but because it was a first class ticket I got bumped to the front. Then I was selected for further screening which bumped me to the front of the front. Turns out I'm not a terrorist and it was on to a free breakfast and waiting for the flight.

I had about an hour of nervousness because there was a problem with our plane. We ended up being delayed about an hour and a half. Which considering...was not a big deal. A lot of people missed connecting flights out of SLC which was to bad but not me! Flying first class was sweet. Highly recommended. Not a bad a deal I took. Arrived home less than a day later no worse for the wear.

Wow this is really long and not that eventful. Sorry. Written more for me than you.

In closing I'll just say my weekend was great. Totally worth the hassle of air travel. Thanks Wilbur. But is it ok to say that I'm fine if I don't have to hop on a plane again anytime soon?

Next adventure: Me, Stu and the Subaru travel across the country. Stay tuned.

Thanksgiving Rap (yep that's what I said)

2008-11-25T16:42:00.002-07:00

Bahahahahaha! These kids kill me. So I asked my students to tell me about the story of the first Thanksgiving and that if they didn’t know it then to make something up. And did these two ever make something up. They made up a rap. A Peanuts rap no less! And if you really know me you know how I feel about Peanuts. Without further ado:

"Alright yo so you think you know about the first Thanksgiving
well na na you don’t. Here’s the throw down

lil Snoop Dawg went to Compton
with a homie named Charlie BROWN!

When they saw the turkey they shot em
And laid the bird out.

When Woodstock rolled up in a caddi
Saw that his brotha was down

Pulled out two 9 millimeters
And showed the mutha effer who’s boss.

A boy rolls up who can, it be
A lil white cracka named Linus G

He saw the shoot out that went down
And he about fell to the ground

The mutha trucka grabbed a fork
And started grubbin like a little pork

He stuffed himself so big
That he looks like a pig

Yeah Boiii"

I thought about editing some of their word choices for the sake of my blog…I don’t think even some of their fake cursing is school work appropriate but I didn’t want to compromise the integrity of their work.

I couldn’t believe this.

Even though I won't miss student teaching I'll miss these kids.

Coincedence?

2008-11-19T14:23:00.003-07:00

I just realized that Obama Nation and Abomination sound very similar. I don't want to be a pessimist but...yikes. We still got time right?

*Editor's note: For the record I support our president elect and I'm excited to see what he'll do. I just couldn't ignore this.

Free Write

2008-11-18T15:56:00.002-07:00

I gave my students the chance to write about whatever they wanted to write about to today. It was interesting to see some of the things they talked about when given the opportunity to say whatever they wanted to. Most complained about school, getting up early or excited to see Twilight this weekend but there were a few gems in the group . Let me share…

Surprisingly I had a poet in the bunch…totally unexpected…he’s the jock type…

“I wish it would snow

So I could go

All the way to see the show.

If it would snow then I could see,

All the snowmen watching me.

With buttons and carrots they stand so tall

Watching everyone hoping not to fall.”

Brought a tear to my eye.

Here’s another. I told them they had to write at least three sentences. This guy barely filled that requirement but at least he did it with unfailing optimism:

“Utah Utes will donimate BYU!! Jazz will go all the way to the finals. I will ace this upcoming history test.”

This one is filled with the kind of drama I was glad to avoid in High School and even I’m more happy I don’t have to deal with now.

“This weekend was so full of drama it was crazy! Girl drama that is. So on Saturday me and some friends were hanging out with Skyline women. Then these girls that we had recent relationships with came and crashed our party. The Skyline girls left, probably because of the other girls. So that made us be in a bad mood and then that made those girls mad so they left. It ended up being a guys night of venting.”

Listen bud, if it’s got four wheels and/or wears a bra it’s gonna give you trouble for the rest of your life (someone very wise told me that). Give yourself a break and don’t start so young. Or it’ll be one eternal headache.

To those non Skyline girls I say…don’t even bother with those boys. Let them all practice and goof up on those Skyline ladies. Then when you’re like 20 something those boys will realize what they’ve been missing out on AND they’ve already learned what NOT to do with you. Perfect. Go for ice cream and a movie with your gal pals until then.

From a shy, nerdy girl:

“I’m thinking of writing a story about how the president of swing club created a mind control device and used it to control the minds of swing club members and used them to take over the school! (Insert evil laugh here)”

But then…so cute:

“I’ll miss you. I’m going to bring you Almond Joys on Thursday.” (I told them that was my favorite trick or treating candy).

How sweet. I’m going to miss these kids.

On another note: I’m so stressed. It seems like every day I think of five new things I need to take care of. Wish things would slow down.

At least my students are cool.

Deal?

2008-11-07T18:23:00.001-07:00

Dear people who are persecuting the Mormon Church for supporting Proposition 8,

I can understand why you’re angry. However now that you are mad at us about this can we finally be off the hook for polygamy? It hasn’t been practiced for over 100 years in our church and we’re still getting grief over it. It doesn’t make sense for you to criticize us for practicing an unorthodox form of marriage 100 years ago when that is what you are fighting to have the right for today.

Sincerely,

Heather Handy

Halloweekend

2008-11-04T16:06:00.003-07:00

How am I so blessed? What did I do to deserve to be surrounded by people who go out of their way to make me happy? I'm not sure but I hope I can keep on being deserving because I just had the greatest weekend.

The goodness of the weekend was underscored by the awfulness of the preceding week. It was the end of the quarter so grades were due and so I did nothing but grade and grade and grade. My lessons suffered as a result of my grading which my co-operating teacher was kind enough to point out. Maybe he forgot that I'm teaching four of his six classes for zero pay while he sits and watches without offering any help. Anyway it just added insult to injury. My students were crazy. With the end of the term and a short week and Halloween they were just crazy. Wouldn't listen or cooperate which was made even harder by my bad lesson planning.

The first thing that happened that week that made me feel the love was that my mom and sisters Mary and Sarah sat down with me on Wednesday night and helped me get all my grading done. My mom and I sat there from 7-ll. She was really insistent that I get everything done so that I could have the day off on Friday. I wasn't going to argue with that.

Thursday was just terrible. Ugh. After a bad day at school I had to go to my weekly two hour seminar. On my way there my mom called and asked if I could run to the airport after my class and pick up my dad because she had to run to Orem to help my grandpa. Trusting daughter that I am I didn't think about it too hard. (like it was weird that my dad's car was in the drive way this morning and that I saw him the night before) I just figured that she had spent the night before helping me with my grades so I was willing to do anything she asked me to do for her.

On my way to the airport I took advantage of the quiet moment to call Will. I hadn't really been able to talk to him all week because of how busy I was and he was. But now my week was over. It went straight to voicemail. Weird. Even if he was sleeping or at the gym it still would have rung. Maybe it was dead. I left a message as I approached the airport. I pulled up to the curb where you pick up arrivals scanning for my dad. My phone rings. Its Will. Where are you? The airport, picking up my dad. Where are you? Oh I stopped by the mall on my way home from work.

Someone stopped suddenly in front of me. I braked. He asked what was wrong. I explained. I looked up and tried to see around the car in front of me. Wait...that guy looks A LOT like Will. But Will's in a mall somewhere in Cleveland. But this guy is on the phone. And he's saying the same things that the Will in my ear is saying.

He came to Salt Lake City to see me. He (with my mom's help) completely surprised me. I didn't think I would get to see him til Thanksgiving and I didn't know how I would make it. But he took care of both of us by buying a plane ticket and coming to see me.

Nobody has ever done anything like this for me. Ever.

Apparently everybody knew. From my sister at UVU to my neighbor down the street. Apparently it was hard to keep it a secret. They over-estimated my cleverness. Maybe if I hadn't of had such a busy week I would have been more aware. They were 100% successful. I was 100% suprised.

It was so fun to have him here. We went to a Halloween party in Orem in matching skeleton t-shirts. We went and saw Thriller. I took him to Crown Burger and he thought it was the weirdest place he'd ever been. And once he mentioned it, I realized it really is strange. We played two on two basketball with my dad and Mary. He played video games with Michael and went to the Rec center with Mary and Sarah. My mom spoiled him like crazy. I was afraid he would start to believe pumpkin pie and new clothes would appear whenever he expressed a wish for them. He met Molly and Co. And Jill and Beckie and Heidi.

I was sad to see him leave again but it was so much easier knowing that he'll be back in three weeks. Three weeks people! Mark your calendars. We'll go bowling and for fro yo.

I feel so loved. Thanks.

My Trip to the Bahamas (or The Booze Cruise)

2008-10-20T18:37:00.003-06:00

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never known anybody besides myself to complain about a free trip to the Bahamas, but I found a way! Just ask Will. In all fairness to myself I’ve never known anyone besides myself to go on a free trip to the Bahamas (unless you count Jenni which I don’t cause her parents paid for that). This trip was an all expenses paid rewards cruise for the top salesmen (and women) in my Dad’s company, SYSCO Foods. As my stepmom couldn’t go due to her recent procedure I was my Dad’s female companion. Before I go any further I’ll just put in a plug for SYSCO…if you’ve got any talent in sales you should look into working for these people. They treat my Dad very well. I think my dad is pretty good at what he does which helps but they are always sending him on free trips or he’s eligible to win Jeeps and stuff. Plus he gets like four weeks of paid vacation. He works real hard though…

Anyway, back to the cruise. The cruise line was Holland America and our ship was the ms Westerdam (like a beaver). SYSCO chartered the ship, meaning the only passengers on the ship were SYSCO salespeople and their guests being rewarded for doing a good job. From what I found out, the ship held 1200-1300 passengers however because it was a chartered cruise there were only 800-900 passengers on our cruise. I also found out that the ship had 800 crew members. That’s right there was 1 crew member for every passenger. I kept looking around and wondering where my personal servant was but I guess they had specific assignments like, cook, steward, DJ and stuff like that. The other exceptional thing about this cruise was the liquor package. All drinks under $7 were free. For me that meant a lot of Diet Coke. For everyone else that meant a lot of alcohol. So what did I have to complain about?…not much it was, after all, a Bahamian cruise. Here are the highlights and the lowlights…you tell me if I’m justified.

Tallest Father-Daughter couple: My dad’s tall. I don’t always realize it because he’s just my dad but when we’re around other people and I see their reactions I realize that he’s a big guy. I feel pretty confident in saying he was the biggest guy on the boat. That already attracts a lot of attention. Then you factor in his personality which is friendly, warm, and frat boyish and he’s a pretty likeable guy. Once all these strangers take in this big man they look at who he’s accompanied by. Me. And I think I was taller than all the other men in the group. If you know me you know I don’t like attention to be drawn in my direction. (Thus no karaoke). On top of that, I’m a tad anti-social and I unintentionally (most of the time) put off a “please don’t talk to me” vibe. Now factor in that I was way younger than everybody else, I was my dad’s daughter not his wife (most everyone else in the group of my dad’s associates we spent time with were husband and wife), and (here’s probably the thing that made me feel most marginalized) that I don’t drink. You can (try to) imagine how out of place I felt.

Most Awkward Moment: We get on the ship, everyone gets a drink and we tour the ship a little bit. Which was big and incredible. After a while my dad and I decide to go find our room which I am certain would have twin beds in it. I thought there was no way my dad would be so clueless as to not request separate beds. Turns out he wasn’t, but one of the 800 crew members didn’t do their job right and there was just one queen sized bed in that little cabin. As I do my best not to complain (free cruise remember) my dad just shrugs his shoulders and says “Oh well.” Now the part that I haven’t told you is that for as long as I’ve known him my dad has slept in his underwear. I thought that for sure, considering the circumstances he would wear something more to bed. I underestimated the redneck ways of my father. Yes, that’s right, for three solid nights I slept in the same bed with my underwear-clad, slightly tipsy father on a rocking ship.

Biggest WTF Moment: We boarded the ship late Thursday morning. I was ready to jet set but we weren’t scheduled to sail til five in the evening. So I spent the day watching people drink and drink and drink and tried to find some common ground with any of the people I was going to be spending the next three days with. There was some technical problem (they needed to replace the back-up back-up generator) and we didn’t sail til nine. By that time I was ready to go. I felt like I had been traveling for two days and had yet to get anywhere. I woke up the next morining in Nassau. I was excited. We get off the ship, my dad and I and two other couples, I grab the nearest free map and begin to figure out where things are and what I want to see in this new place, keeping in mind that its not my trip and that I’ll probably follow the adults around. Well I follow the adults straight into a bar. The hell? I couldn’t believe it. I just spent the entire day before watching middle aged people drink themselves silly without a single soul to make a smart remark to about it the last thing I wanted to do was repeat that on this beautiful island that I had never seen before. On the ship I was trapped. Couldn’t go anywhere else but now I was off the boat and I was going to see this new place. So for the first time I spoke up and told my dad I wasn’t sitting there even if it meant I was going alone. He agreed that he didn’t want to sit there (I wonder if he ever felt like he was babysitting me?) and so we and the two wives we were with left and saw some of Nassau.
(Side note: I love traveling but I hate tourism…that’s a whole other blog altogether)

Movie Moment 1: Despite feeling like the black sheep the whole time and a little bit of seasickness there really isn’t anything as romantic as sailing. We had to leave Nassau by 4:30 to sail at 5:30 and after I showered and slept a little bit I sat in the complimentary white robe at a dressing table doing my hair and make-up for that night and I glanced out our balcony window at the Caribbean Sea passing beneath me and the setting sun. Perfect. I’ve never felt more like a movie star. It was romantic.

Movie Moment 2: The next morning we stopped at an island called Half Moon Cay, a tiny island that is privately owned by the cruise line. This was far and away the best day. It was exactly what you think of when you picture a Caribbean island. White powdery beach, clear blue warm water. For a beach person like me I couldn’t imagine a better way to spend my day. My dad had signed us up to go snorkeling that afternoon, which was fun. He got really sick on the boat ride back though. When a man that big looks that sick you can’t get out of his way fast enough. As soon as the boat stopped he was off with me scrambling to grab our things and run after him. He wanted to go straight back to the ship but I didn’t want to leave the island nor get back on the ship any sooner than I had to so I staid. I was a little tired of being in the sun so I sat on a shaded bench on the beach. It wasn’t long before a young man approached me. I figured right off he must be a member of the crew because he looked Filipino. (Among the 800 crew on board the only white ones were the captain, head chef, entertainers and card dealers everyone else looked to be from an island in southeast Asia). Turned out he was Indonesian and his name was Jetti. We sat and talked for awhile and I couldn’t help but feel like Baby in Dirty Dancing. He kept taking pictures with me I guess so that he could send them home to show his mom he met a white girl. I don’t know. He was a cool guy though. He was in his last month of a ten month contract. He had done the Alaskan cruise for awhile and the Panama canal cruise and this was his first Caribbean cruise. He said that for however long their contract was they worked 10-12 hour days 7 days a week. That’s intense. You’d think it would be a cool way to see the world but not if you’re kept below deck the whole time and never got days off. They wouldn’t hire me anyway, unless it was to sing or something and I’ve already mentioned how I feel about that.

This has gotten really long so I’ll quit and if you’ve made it this far I congratulate you. I just wanted to add a few more things.

Sunburns feel better in October

Bahamian mosquitoes like me just as much as American ones do. The only dark spot on my day
at Half Moon Cay.

I refrained from ordering milk with my dessert when everyone else was having coffee at least three times in order not to appear more like a child than I already felt.

My dad just called me and told me that he’s received emails from his co-workers that said it was a pleasure meeting his charming daughter and he must be so proud. I guess I didn’t give off such a party-pooper vibe after all.

I was asked multiple times why I didn’t drink. Most the time I answered with a shrug of my shoulders and a look that said I don’t really want to get into my deep, personal, theological reasons but I’m still cute. Only one guy pressed it beyond that. His first interpretation was “you don’t like to?” Again I shrug. “Are you LDS?” Bingo. His response to that was “Well, your bishop isn’t here so go ahead.” And he was right my bishop wasn’t there. So I ordered a vodka martini with three olives.

Just kidding.

The Middle Way

2008-09-22T21:19:00.002-06:00

Two thoughts that I don't have time right now to fully realize but I wanted to put down real fast:

1. If you're not uncomfortable you're not growing. If you are not growing you're decomposing, atrophying. There is no standing still in any aspect of life you're either moving foward or backwards.

2. In accordance with Buddhism, and Mormonism I believe that any extreme is a form of self-indulgence. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Even something like excersise, education, or family...in the extreme it becomes self-indulgence. Savvy?

Peace and Love,

HH

Period of History

2008-09-09T16:08:00.002-06:00

I started teaching today and it was so fun. I think they thought I was the biggest nerd but I was having a good time. My favorite part was when I made a joke about this guy's name (Hammurabi) sounding like "ham" and "wasabi". Worst sushi ever! They just looked at me like they couldn't tell if it was cool/ok to laugh. But it made me laugh for a little bit. And that's what teaching is all about. Laughing at your students. Hopefully they'll get to know me and realize I'm way cool.

Other favorite moment:

The class comes in and writes a response to a question on the board everyday. Last week I wrote "If you could be from any period in history what would it be and why?"

One of the answers was from a girl who said "If I could I would be in 2nd period because most of my friends are in that class period"

hahahahaha. Never underestimate how much sophmores DON'T understand.

Other favorite response:

From a dude: "I would be from before 1983 because then the John Mayer song entitled "83" would be a lot easier to relate to and would make more sense." Pretty sure I'm going to marry this boy.

So fun.

Something that I realized today that is not so fun...If I give the students something to do they're going to give it back to me and then I have to read it, comment and correct it and give it back to them. Essentially I'm creating more work for myself. This makes me wonder why I had so much homework as a kid. Those must have been some masochistic teachers.

And that's my life...love it.

"Come on let me love you just a little bit...I'm gonna teach you how to sing it out" Jackson Five

Ender Will Save Us All

2008-09-04T17:12:00.002-06:00

Here's two quotes from Orson Scott Card. He writes a weekly column in the Deseret News that I like to read.

The first one is about truth:

OSC says: "True implies that you have found a connection that exists independent of your apprehension of it, that would exist whether you noticed it or not."

Basically he's saying that truth is like the awesome base line in a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. A lot of times you don't notice it but once you do you'll never hear the song the same again, and you realize that its what made the song worth listening to from the beginning. Yeah, truth is like that...

Although hard to find, true things are always worth the search in the end.

The other is about fear:

"Shunning [something] for fear of loss brings its own regret. What you build can be broken, at least for a time; but what you never try to build is lost forever."

So live your lives people. Without fear or regret but with faith and open hearts searching for truth and especially...love.

When did I get so corny? I'm going to go vomit.

"There's got to be something that would be worthwhile for me to give to you." Dashboard Confessional

Feminism...

2008-08-23T23:52:00.003-06:00

I love it when some of my wandering thoughts that I put down in random places stand the test of time...I reencountered this note that I wrote almost two years ago and with all the growth and changes I've experienced in that time I still agree with myself. That leads me to think that maybe some truth exists in what I wrote. Which I hope there is cause its a little bit doctrinal...

I am not a feminist. I'm one of many girls who don't know what they want. I want to have equal rights with men but then in exactly the same moment I feel cheated if I don't get special treatment because I am not as privelged/strong/smart etc. as men are. Consider a co-ed ball game if you will. If boys ease up their game because they know they would school me if they didn't I get mad because they are not treating me like an equal player on the field or respecting my skills as an athlete but if they don't ease up their game and then they school me I'm angry because they took advantage of my comparative weakness. Confusing? Yes, I know. The answer? Equality is out of the question. Why? Because men and women are not the same so they should not be expected to have the same abilities/responsibilities/strengths. Many people outside of the church think that the ideal person would have both male and female characteristics. They would take the best traits of both sexes and thus they would have the perfect person. Inside the church we call this marriage. Perfection cannot be achieved within one person. We are different for a reason. Equality is out of the question because we are not equal. We are compliments of each other. It is in each other that we find the characteristics that our selves are lacking. Isn't it a beautiful plan? So I think that women (including myself) should stop competing and comparing themselves with men. We will never be that and we shouldn't want to be that. Although, we should also never stop demanding the respect from men that we deserve for the things that we do better than they do. And to men, don't patronize us for our weak arms or scoff at our lack of sports knowledge but treat us like the the other half of yourself that we are. We will try and do likewise.

Am I kind of patting myself on the back? No matter. Its a topic I've been considering lately. Its just nice to see that I've considered it before and came to the same conclusion. My mind is like a hamster wheel...

I'd like to add that I'm glad we have the vote and that we deserve the same pay and benefits for doing the same jobs as men. I also think that a women could be president of the U.S. however I think that we are too smart to want that job. That looks like a hard job. Only Hilary is crazy enough to try.

"I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle peices" Postal Service

Missionaries in a Foreign Field

2008-08-12T12:21:00.002-06:00

Can you believe this guy?! I love my brother so much. He articulated my feelings exactly. How awesome that we are so far away from each other experiencing such different things but feeling exactly the same thing? Here's an excerpt from his last letter:

"when everything in your life is changing, the only thing that really never does is the gospel of Jesus Christ, correct true principles given to us from god to make us happy, repentance, the atonement.the holy ghost is so amazing, our heavenly father is a smart one, I hope to always live my life in such a way where I am very aware and spiritually sensitive to the feelings and promptings I recieve. summer still changes to fall. life is still life, but life with the gospel is so much better.

In the words of the late Jimmy Eat World..."they say that love goes anywhere, in your darkest times it's just enough to know it's there"

thanks for all the love, it makes life a lot easier."

Life is still life but life with the gospel is so much better...How I wish that everyone I care about knew this. The clarity, direction and truth the gospel provides is worth everything else in this life put together.

I'm coming home soon. Strange. I've had such a great summer. Hope you have too.

"I've got a feeling, a feeling deep inside. I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide." -- The Beatles

Fences

2008-07-16T12:10:00.002-06:00

Agency
Obedience
Knowledge
Testimony

All these things have been on my mind. I think that I've found that as one increases or decreases so do the others. They reinforce each other. One more reason the gospel is so true.

The more I learn about alternative lifestyles the more I'm sure that the way that I (try to) live is the best. Is that arrogance or confidence?

One thing I'm sure of is that such confidence is not common. Most the people I've met since being in California have very little spiritual confidence. People seem so afraid to attribute the beautiful things of this world to God. Its hard for me to understand that when his presence and hand is so obvious to me.

Would people do some of the things they do if they felt and saw God's love for them and others? I know God loves these people and he wants them to be happy. And that knowledge makes me different.

I miss Haley. It's nice having another testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ around.

Love your life.

Since You've Been Gone

2008-07-02T11:21:00.004-06:00

What up my bloggers????

I'm back online. For a moment. I'll probably get pretty regular internet access from now on although facebook is still blocked. But I get the notifications that someone has written on my wall in my email, so its still nice to feel the love. And please email if you can. I don't get cell phone service but if you text or leave a voice mail I'll get back to you when I get a signal.

So here's some things I want to tell you about my summer thus far:

My Pathfinder is the shiz in California. Haley and I drove into CA from Reno and the first time we stopped was in San Jose for gas. The first thing anyone said to me in CA was "That's a nice car, are you interested in selling it?" This coming from a man driving a giant black truck with huge rims. Then when I drove into camp and met my boss. He said "sweet truck. What year is it? You've kept it in really good condition." So anyone who has ever criticized my car...California loves it and it knows cars better than you.
Being in the religous minority is different. Haley and I have never hid our beliefs but we don't exactly advertise them. Slowly people caught on though and they have either been curious or not but I think they all think we're pretty cool. We know that they know that we are different but I don't think any of them realize how different we really are.
At camp, being in the religous minority isn't that bad because the standards that the YMCA asks us to live for the sake of their campers are the standards that Haley and I choose to live everyday. There are some really awesome people out here. Good people.
People who aren't LDS say the F-word alot.
Not all people our age who are not LDS drink. Or drink to get drunk. Some don't like it. Some know that its unprofessional and tasteless.
Some do drink to get drunk though. I've decided that I don't have a problem with people drinking. I have a problem with people drinking irresponsibly. I have a problem with underage drinking and with drunkeness. I don't really view drinking alcohol as a sinful behaviour for those that don't know better (they're not accountable) but when drinking breaks the law, I have a problem.
Being a lifeguard again is...fun/wierd. There are definitely perks to not being a counselor but I'm kind of in this weird no-man's-land where I'm not a coordinator (in charge with no campers) and I'm not a counselor (not in charge with campers). I'm the lifegaurd (not in charge, no campers). I've been trying to work out a niche for myself and make myself more useful and I think that some have seen that I can be used in more ways than I am. I've started a little swimming lesson skill session that the kids can sign up for and I've been told that they've never really had anything like that going on at the pool.
Playing capture the flag is fun.
I don't get as tan as fast in California as I do at home because of the elevation
The part of CA I'm in is full of hippies. For realsz.
I'm old. I didn't really think it would be that big of a deal. But at the end of the day I find myself sick of hanging out with 18 year olds who think I'm old enough to be their grandma. I find myself gravitating towards the people in camp who are my age or older (or at least act like it) and a lot of times that is my supervisors and Will.
Men who are not LDS can be just as charming and persistent as those that are. In fact its ironic because the things that I have found to be lacking in YSA males lately (degrees, jobs, ambition, self-motivation, desire to date) I've found here at my job in California...minus the LDS part. Can't these things exist together?
I have nasty, nasty roommates who use my stuff and think that they are lesbians.

That's about all I've got for now. I would love to hear from whoever has the time to get in touch with me somehow.

My address is:

Heather Handy

YMCA Camp Campbell

16275 Highway 9

Boulder Creek, CA 95006

"If you love me won't you let me know" -- Coldplay

The Good Fight

2008-05-27T16:22:00.004-06:00

Here goes:

I got a little upset in church the other day which is actually the opposite of what you want to happen when you go to church. The reason I got a little mad is because I heard two statments that I'm just plain sick of hearing. The first is the sometimes hollow reassurance that if you do not have the opportunity to marry and have a family in this life, and you desire that, you will have that opportunity in the next life. The second is that the family is under attack by the worst forces in the world. Before I go any further I need to say that I believe both of these principles to be true. I'm just tired of hearing them. And I guess I'm tired of hearing them because I'm a benchwarmer. And I can't say I've ever heard of anyone who is happy warming the bench (ask my brother Michael).

Let's start with the all too common promise that those that are not blessed to recieve the happiness and joy that only comes from family life in this life, if they'll only be patient, they will recieve those blessings in the next life. Why do they keep telling us that?! Are we supposed to be satisfied with that? Are we supposed to use that as an excuse for not getting married? It's like being provided with a safety net or padding all the sharp corners in your house for an infant learning to walk. We have to learn how to do this. Its the most important thing we will ever do! And by being told all the time that its so important and then not to worry if it doesn't happen, because it will...eventually... after you've lived an entire, lonely life longing for it to happen just feels like a contradiction. I'm 23. I'm not worried about not get married yet but when I consider my future I would be a fool not to consider the possibility of not getting married. And I need to be able to live a happy and fulfilled life regardless but stop telling me that its ok if it doesn't happen because it will eventually! It almost starts to feel like they are telling me to plan on not getting married.

It's a little akward being a single person in a plan where the family is central. I'm not mad however because the Church does an excellent of job of providing for the needs of its' memebers. And its all pretty fool proof because even if you're not in a position to build you're own family you're built into one so one way or another everyone gets what they need (but maybe not always what they want, wink). I remember my freshman year my single's ward bishop saying that a single person in the church was like someone in a wheelchair at a dance. The person in the wheelchair is included as best they can be but the dance doesn't stop because one person can't dance. The dance won't stop for anybody or anything (not even a bad DJ which is all too common at a church dance). And that's why the church is true.

Onto my next point which is directly related to the one above: The family is under attack. I believe this with all my heart and it scares me. The greatest joy and comfort I've experienced in this life comes from my family. And to think that that is being destroyed, that millions of people are missing out on the greatest joys this life has to offer is staggering. We as members of the church, who know the truth, have been given the responibility of fighting this battle by creating strong homes where gospel priciples are taught, that are havens from the evils of this world. Here's where I get mad. I can name a solid 20 (if not more) women off the top of my head who want to fight this fight and have yet been given the opportunity to. They're benchwarmers. Plenty of these women are still young and I'm not worried about them but I know other women who may never get the opportunity to get what they want the very most from this life. It seems like such a terrible waste. A waste of love, talent, charity, righteousness. It's like everyone is starving and you have more bread than you need in the next room. Dumb! Think of the righteous generations these women could raise that this world may never see. And then think about all of the children being born in abusive homes, broken homes, homes where parents can't feed them, homes where they will never hear the gospel in. I don't understand. It doesn't make sense to me. Who's fault is this?

Now here's the part where I stand back and I remind myself that I'm this close to being critcal of God. And that would be the stupidest mistake anybody could ever make. I need to remember that He knows all and understands all. He knows what's right for everyone and I should never pretend that I know what's best for myself let alone other people. But why wouldn't He tap into this amazing resouce he created to fight this fight. We're dressed for it, we've been training for it, we've read the rule book. We're ready to play! Put us in coach. I don't understand.

I believe that one of the ways that Satan is destroying the family is by making the Young Single Adults believe that they are fine being single. And I'm really sorry but I gotta lay this on the men. Women indeed play an active role in getting asked out and the courting process but women can only take it so far. At some point it becomes the Preisthood responsibility of a young man to pick up the phone. And to be fair I know men who are fulfilling this responsibility and maybe you feel like you're failing but I promise that if you keep at it you'll eventually find what you are looking for or realize that what you're looking for doesn't exsist and that you are surrounded by young women who would make incredible companions.

My mom says she thinks there should be a place where all Preisthood holders who didn't marry in a timely manner on this Earth should have to sit on a bench for 1,000 years. I just hope that they open their eyes at some point during their eternal life and say "boy wasn't I an idiot!"

And please don't think I don't understand why its hard to get married. I've blogged about it before and I have my own set of issues I've got to work through before I can go there. Its not easy. But was anything worth doing ever easy?

So I guess for now I'll cheer for my team and do my part by warming my section of bench. And try not to get mad at what I hear at church.

"To find somebody you love, you gotta be somebody you love." -- Nada Surf

Birthday Wish List

2008-05-18T21:10:00.003-06:00

For my birthday next week I want:

a water polo ball
a straw cowboy hat that screams "I'm a redneck from Utah"
a head lamp
a hula hoop
to sit in a lawn chair while watching my friends and family attempt to hula hoop
to see the new Indiana Jones
to go to dinner with family
to bbq with friends
for the pool to open
a new crush
to go boating
for my car to be registered
for the AC in my car to work
for a new car
$100 to spend at Urban Outfitters
for gas prices to go down
to have confidence in a presidentail canidate
to not fear for our country's future
to go dancing
the books I want to be at the library
the new Coldplay and Jason Mraz
to be excited I'm turning 23

This may be a lot to ask for but you only turn 23 once.

"We do our time like pennies in a jar. What are we saving for?" -- The Bravery

Youth in Asia

2008-05-18T20:33:00.003-06:00

If there was any earthyly power that controlled the life cycles of humans like we do of dogs and cats the ACLU would have a stroke...and sue a lot of people. From spaying and nuetering to euthenasia. As much as some people treat their pets like people (with the sweaters and stuff) at the end of the day they really don't.

I think that we put down animals not for their comfort but for our own. Nobody wants to see a pet they've come to know and love sick, old and in pain so we remove them from our sight. We kind of do the same thing with the elderly by putting them in homes but we would never kill them. We do our best to make them as comfortable as possible but to put them down would be inhumane. But it's considered humane to put down a dog. Strange. I think what it boils down to is that taking care of a sick elderly creature takes time, and we can justify paying someone to do the job for our gradparents but not for pets. And really who would want that job? Animal hospice...hmmmm....Anyway I don't know why I'm devoting any time to this and I'm not trying to be political...when my dog gets old and sick I'm sure I'll have him put down rather than watch him suffer but I'll maybe feel a little guilty knowing that I'm probably doing it more for my own comfort than for his.

"For the joy of human love! Brother, sister, parent, child." -- For the Beauty of the Earth

Dear Logan,

2008-05-02T12:04:00.004-06:00

Wow, has it really been five years? The time has flown. Well most of the time. It's been great. Really it has. I don't regret anything we did although I do regret some of the things we didn't get to do. You've treated me well. With you I have grown from adolescence to adulthood (or at least some form of quasi-adulthood). I've experienced my deepest heartache and my most blissfully happy moments with you. My heart has grown and I have a better understanding of the world after all this time.
I'm not sad to go. I feel like I have learned all that I can, or all that I'm willing to learn from you and I feel restless . I need to get away and try something new. I feel too big, or too old for you. I feel like there is something bigger waiting just over the horizon. I don't know what it is but I'm going to go out and meet it rather than sit here and wait for it. I'll miss you. I already do in fact. But you've got to go away to be missed, you know?
It hasn't always been great though. What's with the eternity-long bitter cold winters?...I gotta be real with you and tell you that I can't stand that about you. That's one thing I won't miss.
But just like everything else in life, you only remember the good parts. The sting fades and we'll always have an idealistic memory of the way we were. And knowing my luck whatever I find down the road will probably suck and I'll get super nostalgic for my golden undergrad days. But I've got to find that out for myself...
So before one or the other of us starts to cry I must bid you a heartfelt farewell.

Yours affectionately,

Heather

"Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come" -- The Beatles

Understanding Standards

2008-04-30T12:51:00.004-06:00

When I spent the day alone in Disneyland Paris (how many people do you know that can say that!) it was very hot. Not the dry desert heat I've come to know and love but a wet soggy Parisian heat. I had moisture pooling in all of my crevices and I just wanted to take my clothes off and jump in a body of water but I couldn't. I was waiting in line to get on Thunder Mountain. To distract myself from my own moistness I began to observe all of the foreigners around me. The people behind me were speaking German, in front of me French and the ride instructions blaring overhead were spoken in a heavy American West English (music to my ears). But what caught my attention in this melting pot of people were three teenage Arabs a little way ahead of me. One was a boy and the other two were girls. The boy looked like a normal teenage boy in shorts and a t-shirt but the girls were completely covered from their foreheads to their toes. They were wearing normal clothes, jeans and sneakers and stuff but they were in long sleeves, no sandals, and their heads were covered. I stared in disbelief. I was dying in the heat. Literally dripping pounds of water weight right off. I couldn't imagine wearing more than I was. "Incredible," I thought "And just for their religion. They must be dying. I can't understand how they can put up with wearing that much in this heat just because their religion says so." As I tried to wrap my mind around this I took notice of my own attire. I was wearing knee length shorts and a high necked t-shirt. I glanced around me. Excluding the Arabs I was the most dressed girl in line. Everyone else in front or in back of me no matter their size or age was wearing a tank-top and barely butt cheek grazing shorts or a skirt. Suddenly I understood. I still don't understand why they were completely covered from head to toe but I do understand why they choose to dress the way their religion and culture dictates. Because I do it too. Who knew that in a line of foreigners I would find the most in common with three Arabs.

"There's so much that we share that its time we're aware its a small world after all"

Notes

2008-04-25T15:01:00.004-06:00

Some thoughts...

Can you steal something from someone and not know it? Like a heart? I know you can steal a heart from someone and know about it but if you steal it and don't know about it can you call it stealing?

I think that homosexuality is another way that some men discriminate against women. If homosexuality made sense women wouldn't exist. Unless they were lesbians.

I find myself attracted to arrogance. I think that maybe this is because if they (whoever I'm attracted to) thinks that they are the bomb.com its easier for me to think that about them too. Too bad being arrogant is closely associated with being a selfish jerk.

The global warming forecast for desert areas such as Utah is increased precipitation. Hmmm...everybody recycle and ride your bikes...I'm tired of the cold.

Nobody is born smarter than anybody. We are all given the same capacity and potential as everybody else (the exception, of course, is people with special needs)....some are just better learners than others. Luckily we can all learn how to learn.

"I've been thinking a lot today." -- Ben Folds

Quote Wall

2008-04-24T12:56:00.006-06:00

On my facebook profile I've gotten into the habit of posting any and all quotes that I happen to hear and like. I've used my facebook profile for the lack of a better alternative. My roommate Beckie informed me that she has never read through all of the quotes on my facebook profile because there are so many so I'm going to "simplify, simplify" (see what I did there...Thoreau?) and start using my blog as a place to put those thoughts and ideas that are so pleasing to me. I figure people visit my blog expecting to read what I think whereas they are visiting my facebook profile to see who I'm flirting with online or to see pictures of me at parties or whatever. Basically my blog is a more appropriate place for important thoughts. So anyway here's what I've accumulated:

"We do not need more intellectual power, we need more moral power. We do not need more knowledge, we need more character. We do not need more government, we need more culture. We do not need more law, we need more religion. We do not need more of the things that are seen, we need more of the things that are unseen.... If the foundation is firm, the superstructure will stand." Calvin Coolidge

"I've never tasted heaven but I've smelled Joseph Smith." -- Sue Barton

"Coming home from very lonely places, all of us go a little mad: whether from great personal success, or just an all-night drive, we are the sole survivors of a world no one else has ever seen."
--John Le Carre

"It seems to me that if you can't trust...you can't be trusted." -- Ben Folds

"We're living the law of consecration, what's mine is his and vice versa, except I don't need any of his stuff so...whatevski" -- Elder Ryan Barton about his greenie.

I never saw a moor,
I never saw the sea;
Yet know I how the heather looks,
And what a wave must be.
I never spoke with God,
Nor visited in heaven;
Yet certain am I of the spot
As if the chart were given
-- Emily Dickinson

"I'm not Irish or Catholic, but I am Irish Catholic." -- Guy in the grocery store

"Everybody laughs, everbody cries, sure it can hurt you baby but give it a little try. See that's the thing about love..." -- Alicia Keys

"Does it look like I'm losing control?!...My pants are kind of wet." -- Heidi Lamb

"Everything is the worst." -- Liz Lemon

"If you're not prepared to look stupid, nothing really great will ever happen."

"There is nothing new in the world except the history you do not know" -- Harry S. Truman

"You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, well you might find you get what you need." -- Rolling Stones

"It's never a mistake to care about someone." -- Erika Johnsen

"Life, believe, is not a dream
So dark, as sages say:
Oft a little morning rain
Foretells a pleasent day."
-- Charlotte Bronte

"The best books...are those that tell you what you know already." -- George Orwell

"There was truth and there was untruth, and if you clung to the truth even against the whole world, you were not mad." -- George Orwell

"Roastnuts chesting on an open fire..." --Micahel Barton

"Whatever you are, be a good one." -- Abraham Lincoln

"Pain throws your heart to the ground, love turns the whole thing around. Fear is a friend who's misunderstood, but I know the heart of life is good." -- John Mayer

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." -- Paul McCartney

"They'll come for the cleavage, they'll stay cause you're a good person." -- Sue Barton (thanks mom)

"I'd like to think that the best of me, is still hiding up my sleeve." -- John Mayer

Anyway, not that exciting really. I just wanted a more permanent place to put these little gems and my blog won over my facebook profile. I can't decide if I want to add to this blog as I encounter new quotes or I want to make new posts as they come along...we'll cross that bridge as we come to it.

Also, how do you all feel about quoting yourself? Weird or cool?

"I feel like a quote out of context" -- Ben Folds.

Baby Mama

2008-04-17T22:35:00.003-06:00

I really have a ton to do and I haven't been blogging as a result but I'm at the lab for like the third straight night in a row and I don't know if I'll be leaving anytime soon but I just wanted to empty my head of at least this thought. I have a lot of potential blogs buzzing around in my head but I haven't had time to write them...I can do this one fast though...:

I realize that television and movies are not accurate portrayals of the lives, activities and beliefs of the American people but when it comes to stuff outside of the church I kind of can't help but take their word for how things are. This being said I've been seeing something in television and movies that kind of disturbs me: older, single, career women wanting to have test tube babies.

I'm only twenty-two and I totally understand the want and the need to have a baby (just ask Sadie). And as a member of the church I believe that their is no greater cause that I could devote my life to, so single, older ladies I feel for you. Sometimes my biggest fear is not that I won't get married, but that I won't have the chance to be a mother. I realize that the two are not mutually exclusive and that's why I can't understand these women who cut out the middle man (literally).

Lets evaluate this for a second...for whatever reason these 40+ women have never been married (or maybe they have been but divorced and there were no children) but all of them have failed to have long-lasting important relationships. I'm sure one of the reasons is because they are so career oriented and not willing to make sacrifices. In a word, they are selfish. And because they are selfish, they are alone, and because they are alone they're depressed and because they're depressed they want to bring to life a creature who's existence is completely dependent on them. Who will love them unquestioningly. Who doesn't want that after all?

My advice to these women...GET A DOG!

You couldn't get pregnant the real way because of selfishness, and you think that selfishness is going to go away because you have a kid that is totally dependent on you. Motherhood is the most thankless, self-sacrificing job in the world. If you can't establish a give and take, communicative, loving, relationship with another mature adult what makes you think you will be able to do it with a being who ONLY takes and CAN'T communicate? It just doesn't really make sense to me.

Now the point that I haven't factored into the equation is that some of these women are not choosing to be single. And I feel for those gals. Sometimes men are jerks and sometimes (actually all the time) its better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. But to you my advice still applies...get a dog. A dog won't blame you for how screwed up it is after eighteen years of your care. It will just be glad to see you.

I guess this was brought on by a House episode where a woman and her baby were near death all because she was so old. She would have rather died than abort the unhealthy fetus that was killing her. That fetus was all she had. If she had gotten it together in her thirties she wouldn't have this problem. Also the movie Baby Mama is coming out. I'm actually really excited about it because I have a girl-crush on Tina Fey. Tina Fey's characters are usually always these pathetic baby-hungry women I'm talking about but I can love her because in real life she is married and has a daughter and gives credit for her stability and happiness to her husband and child.

Family is where it is at.

I hate doing homework right now.

Someone near me in the lab has really bad foot odor.

"One love, we get to share it. It will leave you baby if you don't care for it." -- U2

Waist Deep

2008-04-05T12:28:00.003-06:00

I've been a full-time student for roughly eighteen years now. That's a lot considering that I have only been alive for twenty-three. As a result I've gotten pretty good at sitting and listening to people tell me stuff. It probably wasn't until sometime in junior high that I began to wonder if all the things that these people (teachers) were telling me were true/right/correct. Thus the seeds of doubt were sown. Ever since then its been my job (as a student and a member of the human race) to wade through a vast sea of predjudice, opinion, perception, misinformation, and plain old b.s. in search of absolute truth. (In my opinion we are all looking for truth. Some of us are more active in our search and some are better at finding it than others but we're all still looking nonetheless).

Needless to say its exhausting to always be wondering if you can believe what you are hearing when you're hearing stuff most of the day. And that is why it is so refreshing to sit and listen for eight hours every six months to messages that you don't have to doubt for a single second. Of course I'm talking about General Conference. I loved Elder Oak's talk on testimony when he described that knowledge comes through two channels: we recieve personal knowledge through the Holy Ghost and knowledge through church leaders. Because I personally have gained the knowledge that the fifteen men that lead our church are prophets, seers and revelators I naturally believe that whatever they say is truth. It's not blind obedience...its knowledge. Just thinking about it makes me breathe a sigh of relief. I know that I will never be led astray or decieved by these men. They have no hidden agenda and stand nothing to gain from telling me falsehoods...I love Conference. It makes my search for truth so much easier.

"It's funny how many times they prove that the only true fortune you can save is the truth." -- The Beautiful Girls

Unencumbered, numbered words

2008-04-02T16:30:00.004-06:00

Being the mediocre student that I am I would like to take this time that I could and should be doing homework to post some of my favorite words.

I like these words for their etymology, orthography, phonology, and/or semantics. So without further ado and in no particular order:

apogee
archipelago
veracity
ambiguous
cartography
necromancy
melancholy
masochistic
grotto
ersatz
bowson
satiate
placenta
coup d'etat
hysteria
heliocentric
monochromatic
thesaurus
narcoleptic
audacity
crenshaw
crecent
asparagus
pomegranate
pineapple

I'll probably add to this list as I encounter more of my favorite world-expanding treasures.

"I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror and bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer. My breath fogged up the glass so I drew a new face and laughed." -- Jason Mraz

I (heart) JM

2008-03-28T12:57:00.005-06:00

I realize that to anyone reading this blog who knows me (Sadie) the title of this post is obvious and redundant. I love him for many reasons but this is just one of them*...

Read his March 27, 2008 post titled "From the heart..."

http://www.johnmayer.com/blog

Remember my Valentine's blog and subsequent posts where I tried to say that I think we could all be happy if we stopped thinking about ourselves so much and just lived our lives? Well he said it better here. It's ok to be happy, it's ok to be sad. It's ok to be scared and care about other people and what they think about you. I just hate seeing people who, like he said, act so bada** but one sentence can bring them to tears. Why are they so scared to feel? I'm not excluding myself from this as much as I'd like to make you think that I'm a bada**. My wish for humanity is that we can all be REAL with each other. And to me being real with someone means letting them know that you CARE and their real response would be to care about you. Maybe in a perfect world...which may come sooner rather than later (I bet JM doesn't know that).

I hope this doesn't perpetuate the emo feel of my last post. I'm just a white girl with a lot of heart and free time at work ok?

*I realize that John is a little arrogant and self-indulgent. I still love him in spite of this. I wonder what that says about me.

"But this morning there's a calm I can't explain, rock candy's melted only diamonds now remain." -- John Mayer