I have so many things that I REALLY want to write about. I'm kind of happy about this because I haven't felt this way in a long time...I'll try not to do it all at once...just vomit every thought in one blog...if I was smart and patient I'd spend the time to really, appropriately clear my head but it may just all have to come out now...
1. Gilmore Girls...This show and I haven't always been friends. For a long long time I just thought it was a silly girly show where the women talk way too fast guaranteeing a headache for any viewer. Through a series of events I don't want to take the time to describe I've become a pretty serious follower of Lorelei and Rory. Here's what I think: This show is much better than I originally gave it credit for. Yes they talk fast and make the most obscure references in almost every sentence (does anybody get ALL of them??? If you do call me. You're the smartest person I know. I only get about half) and the music is abominable (except Carol King in the opening credits) but at least once an episode at least one of the characters exhibits a depth and complexity I don't think I've seen anywhere else on television. You get the feeling that these are real people with real human responses to the slightly unreal situations the writers put them in. If you watch House or Grey's Anatomy or some trauma drama show like that the amount of tragedy one character endures in one episode is so enormous and so over the top it would put a normal person in the ground for sure. And they have such unnatural responses to it. But these Gilmore girls and the people in there lives have problems you can believe and responses to them you can believe. I mean its still television...the scenarios are still over the top but its better than I gave it credit for. Thanks Rachelle for watching with me.
2. I've been reading kind of accidentally a lot of books about African colonialism lately. I really want to write about that but its not time yet. What I do want to write about is the men in these books. Lately the male figures in the books I've been reading have frustrated me. Causing me to redefine my view on feminism. I don't subscribe to traditional feminism its much to severve for me, but I do support individual women getting the love and respect they deserve in their individual lives. Whatever that means for them. Now the new idea brought on by my reading: I don't want to be equal to a man (why would I want to be like a man?)...I want a man to ACT (not be) equal to me. I'm talking about sharing...sacrafice...service...This may seem backwards. Maybe it is. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about...The men in the books for the most part are collectively LAZY, and to some degree abusive...Obviously not all men are like this but when I think of most monogamous relationships I know of , whether the woman works outside the home or not, she carries most the load on the home front. Again not true for everyone. This is a little true too in the single/dating world I've experienced. The men that I've been reading about would only participate in what they felt like was "man's work" which mostly consisted of heavy lifting, higher thinking, killing something and drinking on the porch with their friends. This meant that EVERYTHING else was left to the women. If you consider all it takes to keep a family and home running especially if their are children involved this is not an equal share of labor.
So let me back up...I'm not coming down on dudes. You know I love you right dudes? These are fictionaly dudes I'm talking about. I'm just saying that for me...in whatever sort of situation I'm currently in or end up in I want there to be a sharing of work and responsibility...a feeling of "I've got your back" or "I'm on your team". That sounds so romantic to me. This goes the other way too. If I need to work outside the home I'll work outside the home. Its a team effort.
Is this feminism?
3. Along those lines I was struck by the thought today that we are affected and in some way changed by every relationship we have with another person. Obviously it stands to reason the more significant the relationship the more significant the change. This happens because when we are in a relationship (friendship, romance, familial, work etc.) we are offering some part of ourselves to that person. If its a mutually successful and healthy relationship the other person is offering some part of themselves back. Thus by giving of ourselves and recieving (the trust?) of someone else we are changed. If you feel that you are unchanged by your relationship with someone it is because you are only taking from the relationship and not giving back. In a word I believe it is called selfishness, and behind that word is probably another ugly one like fear, hate, sadness.
Imagine if you will two people who give 100% of themselves 100% of the time to the other. The force, the energy, and power that this...there is no other word for it...love would create would be huge, unimaginable...I don't know if the world could contain it. (Oh geez I just rolled my eyes at myself) but seriously, I do think that the level that we humans do manage to give to each other provides enough energy that it is what makes the world rotate...the sun to rise in the morning and people to get out of bed and live their lives. I know that when I only have myself to think about in a day its harder to get out of bed. When I was little I asked my mom why so many of the songs on the radio were about love. She replied that it was because love makes the world go round. Like she is with so many things...she was right.
I have a bunch of stuff to say about Ohio but I'll write it later.
I apologize to those that made it this far. Sometimes I should just write a journal entry and save everyone the trouble.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
February
This month I've had more of a chance than I've ever taken for myself to think about Black History Month.
A friend shared this article with me:
http://www.cleveland.com/morris/index.ssf/2009/02/black_history_month_is_outlivi.html
I encourage you to read it and to really consider it.
If by chance you do not take the time to read it, it essentially asks the question of whether or not a Black history month is still needed.
My first reaction was no. Of course not. As long as we still separate ourselves by class or race or sex or religion in any way we cannot achieve equality. When are we just Americans? When will Obama not be my black president but my president? When is Woman's history month? When is Native American history month? When is Mormon history month? When does black history become American history?
The author of the article asks that with the election and inauguration of our first black president are we mature enough to accept our histories as one? When does this "pointless exercise of racial chest-bumping" become obsolete?
At first I agreed with him.
Then I was offered an alternate point of view.
Is black (or lets say any minority) history given as much time in an American classroom as white american (majority) history? As a history teacher I guiltily have been a witness to (even the reason) that no its not. Are black inventors and writers, activists and athletes revered and taught about as frequently? No they are not.
Until they are, maybe we still need a black history month.
I think though as we've been witnessing in our own time important and lasting milestones in black history that black history, more than ever is American history. As years pass and today is written in history books there will be less and less distinguishment over who's history is being taught and we will accept and understand that whether we are discussing the achievements of blacks, women, jews, gays it is OUR history.
Someday, I hope every month will be black history month...cuz my mom says "Once you go black you never go back" :)
A friend shared this article with me:
http://www.cleveland.com/morris/index.ssf/2009/02/black_history_month_is_outlivi.html
I encourage you to read it and to really consider it.
If by chance you do not take the time to read it, it essentially asks the question of whether or not a Black history month is still needed.
My first reaction was no. Of course not. As long as we still separate ourselves by class or race or sex or religion in any way we cannot achieve equality. When are we just Americans? When will Obama not be my black president but my president? When is Woman's history month? When is Native American history month? When is Mormon history month? When does black history become American history?
The author of the article asks that with the election and inauguration of our first black president are we mature enough to accept our histories as one? When does this "pointless exercise of racial chest-bumping" become obsolete?
At first I agreed with him.
Then I was offered an alternate point of view.
Is black (or lets say any minority) history given as much time in an American classroom as white american (majority) history? As a history teacher I guiltily have been a witness to (even the reason) that no its not. Are black inventors and writers, activists and athletes revered and taught about as frequently? No they are not.
Until they are, maybe we still need a black history month.
I think though as we've been witnessing in our own time important and lasting milestones in black history that black history, more than ever is American history. As years pass and today is written in history books there will be less and less distinguishment over who's history is being taught and we will accept and understand that whether we are discussing the achievements of blacks, women, jews, gays it is OUR history.
Someday, I hope every month will be black history month...cuz my mom says "Once you go black you never go back" :)
Friday, February 6, 2009
Hunter
Yesterday my mom called me:
“Are you sitting down?”
“Yes,” panic rising, “What's wrong?”
“The Pathfinder is dead.”
(Sound of my heart breaking)
What a ride right? I'm not even there to say goodbye. I figured the best way to honor it was to write down some of my favorite memories about it...
My mom bought it for me for graduation while my dad was out of town. It wasn't the first time she had purchased a vehicle without him. I had gone and looked at the car and driven it around. I loved it but didn't speak up about it because I couldn't afford it and it was my parents' decision. Make that my parent's decision. I don't remember what the objection my dad had to buying the car but apparently their was an objection. One day I came home from lunch and it was parked in front of the house. When I got home from school it was gone. I thought that maybe my mom was taking it to have it inspected to see if it was worth buying...I played dumb. Two days later it reappeared. And it was mine. She bought it for me. I remember coming home as a family from something. My dad had gotten home from wherever he had been and it was in the driveway. This was the moment she chose to tell him she had bought it. This is the first and only time I have ever seen my stepfather angry. His face turned red and he didn't say a word. Just looked disbelieving at my mother. For a second I worried for their marriage. Naturally I felt real guilty at accepting this gift.
My mom bought it to get me through college. It did that almost to the day and more. It was important to her that I had 4x4 to get through Sardine canyon. It got the job done.
Places its been: Logan (countless times), Bear Lake (countless times), Flaming Gorge twice, Southern California, Mexico, Las Vegas, and its final and most character testing trip all through California this summer.
I remember sitting in the parking lot of Little Caesar's in Logan with some of the FDRs after letting Jill, Steph and Jenni give it a little test drive. We put the seats down in the back and ate a pizza pretending like we were comfortable and cool.
One winter Sarah, Mary, Carly and I were going sledding. We brought the dog a long and he managed to roll his head up in the back seat window.
I gave both of my brothers lessons on driving a manual car in that Pathfinder.
Long drives on my own with great music.
The Reeders, LD and the rift valley.
Ski trips to Beaver Mountain last spring.
Long, dark, winding drives on Highway 9 with the Santa Crew, Haley and Will. (and Alex D. shouting Fat Bottomed Girls).
Some dude in San Jose in a giant nice truck offering to buy it from me because it was so nice when I rolled into CA.
Leaving it unlocked at Disneyland.
Leaving it unlocked EVERYWHERE. And never having anyone take anything out of it until this October when someone looted it in front of my house.
Haley, Will and I baking through the California dessert. And then Haley and I continuing on through the Mojave and Southern Utah with no AC. We are all champions.
And continuing to drive it for a couple weeks after I got my new Subaru.
So after nineteen years and 186,000 miles you deserve a rest. What a good car. I miss it.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
An Historic Day...For Southpaws
Being unemployed I watched more than my fair share of inaguration coverage today. What a proud day in our nation's history. How great would it be to be among the millions in Washington celebrating right now?
Think of the weight of history on President Obama's shoulders. All those years of trial, persecution and discrimination. Think of all the heroes...those champions of equality that have come before him and made this dream a reality. I'm so proud of our nation. We have overcome so much. We have elected out fifth consecutive left-handed president. A great step towards equality in our nation.
The universe is saying something. Are you listening?
Left-handers rule. Literally.
Think of the weight of history on President Obama's shoulders. All those years of trial, persecution and discrimination. Think of all the heroes...those champions of equality that have come before him and made this dream a reality. I'm so proud of our nation. We have overcome so much. We have elected out fifth consecutive left-handed president. A great step towards equality in our nation.
The universe is saying something. Are you listening?
Left-handers rule. Literally.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Apples to apples
I'm fully aware that of all the things that I could or should share with family and friends right now this should be at the bottom of the barrel. But this is important to me so I want to write about it:
Today, I made a break-through concerning my apple allergy.
When I was about seven years old I remember being in the car with my dad on the long road to Flaming Gorge. We had a few travel snacks and among them were a pair of apples. I ate mine and enjoyed it until my throat began to itch, then my mouth, then my tongue. There might have been some swelling too. It was extremely uncomfortable and I wondered if I would die.
I didn't.
But I kind of wanted to.
After that I noticed that it wasn't just apples that caused this reaction. To my dismay eating peaches, plums, nectarines, and pears became uncomfortable. I have a vivid memory of getting a Jamba (I think back then it was Zuka) Juice with some friends in middle school. I chose one that had fresh peaches in it and my top lip was cracked in the center. Well that angry little peach got in there and made the point at the center of my top lip swell to the size of a marble. Gross and embarassing.
So I've been annoyed and upset for a good amount of years over all this fruit I can't consume. Every once in awhile I would try one of these forbidden fruits to see if maybe, just maybe I've grown out of the allergy or that maybe it was just THAT apple or just THAT peach. But to no avail. Until recent years. Some of the fruit I've tried, mostly home grown stuff I've been ok with. That made me think it was a pesticides thing. So I tried organic apples at the grocery store. No good. Today though I made a break through. I've realilzed at least where apples are concerned that green apples are fine, red ones are the ones that do it to me. I'm like Snow White. Weird right? But now I can eat apples again! Can anyone figure this out? If you tell me its all in my head or that I'm faking it, we aren't friends anymore.
More on Cleveland OH later. I'm jobless thus have plenty of time to write.
Today, I made a break-through concerning my apple allergy.
When I was about seven years old I remember being in the car with my dad on the long road to Flaming Gorge. We had a few travel snacks and among them were a pair of apples. I ate mine and enjoyed it until my throat began to itch, then my mouth, then my tongue. There might have been some swelling too. It was extremely uncomfortable and I wondered if I would die.
I didn't.
But I kind of wanted to.
After that I noticed that it wasn't just apples that caused this reaction. To my dismay eating peaches, plums, nectarines, and pears became uncomfortable. I have a vivid memory of getting a Jamba (I think back then it was Zuka) Juice with some friends in middle school. I chose one that had fresh peaches in it and my top lip was cracked in the center. Well that angry little peach got in there and made the point at the center of my top lip swell to the size of a marble. Gross and embarassing.
So I've been annoyed and upset for a good amount of years over all this fruit I can't consume. Every once in awhile I would try one of these forbidden fruits to see if maybe, just maybe I've grown out of the allergy or that maybe it was just THAT apple or just THAT peach. But to no avail. Until recent years. Some of the fruit I've tried, mostly home grown stuff I've been ok with. That made me think it was a pesticides thing. So I tried organic apples at the grocery store. No good. Today though I made a break through. I've realilzed at least where apples are concerned that green apples are fine, red ones are the ones that do it to me. I'm like Snow White. Weird right? But now I can eat apples again! Can anyone figure this out? If you tell me its all in my head or that I'm faking it, we aren't friends anymore.
More on Cleveland OH later. I'm jobless thus have plenty of time to write.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Expect the Unexpected
If on December 31st 2007 the ghost of New Years Yet to Come had shown me what the year 2008 would bring me, I wouldn't have believed him. Nor do I think I would have understood what I saw.
To say the least 2008 was unexpected. My last semester in Logan was so long, so boring, I was dying for a change, for something new and different. So I went to California. The only expectations I had when I went out there was to have fun.
Expectation met.
Everything else about my time in California was completely unexpected. I didn't see it coming and I'm still not sure how it all happened.
I didn't even know his name when he put his hand on my waist as we crouched on a small wooden platform as part of a team building activity. I was taken by surprise twice in that moment. My first reaction was "Hey who does this guy think he is?" followed by something I didn't expect: that hand felt like it belonged there. It actually scared me. Surprise! I realize how hollywood that sounds but I won't pretend like it didn't happen like that.
The fall passed in a blur. I was working so hard as a student teacher that I think I didn't even have time to mark the passage of time. The weekends at the end of September, October and November stand out in my mind but everything else about the fall runs together.
Winter came. I graduated. 5 1/2 years in the making. A bright spot not just on 2008 but on my life.
And now its time for 2009 to start. Before July I don't think I knew where Cleveland, Ohio was. Now, because of what has happened in 2008 I will be moving there in two days. Even as I type this I can hardly believe it.
Some people have said that its a brave thing I'm doing. Maybe, but I don't feel very brave. It's just something I have to do. Unless I want to live the rest of my life wondering, I don't have much choice.
And the truth is with or without Cleveland I'm still at a crossroads in my life. I would still have to take a step into the dark, not knowing what was on the other side. The next chapter of my life is unwritten and I want to be its author. I don't want to wait around and have it written for me.
Sadie told me that of anyone she knows I can handle this experience and that I do well with the unknown. I responded by telling her that I'm equipped with the knowledge that the gospel is true, that Christ is my Savior, that my family loves and supports me and after that anything I don't know doesn't scare me. And I'm very willing to add to the store of things I DO know and take away some of the things that I don't. Seek and ye shall find.
Jenni told me she was proud of me and that gives me confidence.
My mom told me she would always be there which gives me peace of mind.
Will told me he loves me which inspires me.
Bring it on 2009.
Through all of this I am so grateful for a mother who encourages me and supports me in finding my way rather than try to keep me home and safe where nothing bad (or good) can happen to me. So much of who I am is because of her. I can't even begin to say how much she means to me.
Leap and the net will appear -- Zen saying
To say the least 2008 was unexpected. My last semester in Logan was so long, so boring, I was dying for a change, for something new and different. So I went to California. The only expectations I had when I went out there was to have fun.
Expectation met.
Everything else about my time in California was completely unexpected. I didn't see it coming and I'm still not sure how it all happened.
I didn't even know his name when he put his hand on my waist as we crouched on a small wooden platform as part of a team building activity. I was taken by surprise twice in that moment. My first reaction was "Hey who does this guy think he is?" followed by something I didn't expect: that hand felt like it belonged there. It actually scared me. Surprise! I realize how hollywood that sounds but I won't pretend like it didn't happen like that.
The fall passed in a blur. I was working so hard as a student teacher that I think I didn't even have time to mark the passage of time. The weekends at the end of September, October and November stand out in my mind but everything else about the fall runs together.
Winter came. I graduated. 5 1/2 years in the making. A bright spot not just on 2008 but on my life.
And now its time for 2009 to start. Before July I don't think I knew where Cleveland, Ohio was. Now, because of what has happened in 2008 I will be moving there in two days. Even as I type this I can hardly believe it.
Some people have said that its a brave thing I'm doing. Maybe, but I don't feel very brave. It's just something I have to do. Unless I want to live the rest of my life wondering, I don't have much choice.
And the truth is with or without Cleveland I'm still at a crossroads in my life. I would still have to take a step into the dark, not knowing what was on the other side. The next chapter of my life is unwritten and I want to be its author. I don't want to wait around and have it written for me.
Sadie told me that of anyone she knows I can handle this experience and that I do well with the unknown. I responded by telling her that I'm equipped with the knowledge that the gospel is true, that Christ is my Savior, that my family loves and supports me and after that anything I don't know doesn't scare me. And I'm very willing to add to the store of things I DO know and take away some of the things that I don't. Seek and ye shall find.
Jenni told me she was proud of me and that gives me confidence.
My mom told me she would always be there which gives me peace of mind.
Will told me he loves me which inspires me.
Bring it on 2009.
Through all of this I am so grateful for a mother who encourages me and supports me in finding my way rather than try to keep me home and safe where nothing bad (or good) can happen to me. So much of who I am is because of her. I can't even begin to say how much she means to me.
Leap and the net will appear -- Zen saying
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Winter Travel
This weekend was my first experience flying in the winter time. I never realized it before but as I was crossing the country at 30,000 feet the entire country was frozen over. It was strange to think about...
So here are the worst things about traveling in the winter time:
1. The weather
2. Its really cold (aka the weather)
3. Flights are often delayed, canceled, or made more dangerous (because of the weather)
4. Traveling near Christmas was also an interesting experience. I think if a flight is canceled in January everyone will be inconvenienced and disgruntled however they might miss a work day or a class and who doesn't love a legitimate excuse to be kept from that stuff every once in awhile. But if your flight gets canceled near Dec. 25 everyone is a little more upset and panicked cause everyone wants to be home for the holidays.
So here's what happened to me. I left the Cleve Monday morning, flight was uneventful. I had a three hour lay-over in Chicago O'Hare. Huge airport, spent a bunch of time walking around, ate a Chicago dog and some caramel popcorn. My flight was on time but over booked. They asked for volunteers to stay the night in Chicago in exchange for Delta dollars. For about 15 minutes I stressed over what to do. On the one hand I'm jobless, thus poor, young etc. and I had nothing to lose by staying the night. On the other hand what if something went wrong with my flight the next day? Canceled? Delayed? It was only three days before Christmas.
I finally decided to stick around. So, Delta provided me with a hotel room at the Wyndham which was actually pretty nice. Free shuttle back and forth from the airport. A guaranteed first class ticket to SLC at 7:15 in the morning. $21 in meal vouchers and $400 Delta Dollars to be used however, whenever I want to in the next year toward flights. Not a bad deal. But I was still stressed about the next mornings flight.
Spending the night alone in Chicago three days before Christmas was kind of fun. I pretended like I was Kevin from Home Alone. I guess its Home Alone II that he spends in a nice hotel alone but that's in New York. I would have liked to have spent some time downtown but I was scared because I was alone and it was FREEZING outside. Seriously, so cold.
Woke up at 5:15. Airport was so crowded. Started to get stressed about the security line but because it was a first class ticket I got bumped to the front. Then I was selected for further screening which bumped me to the front of the front. Turns out I'm not a terrorist and it was on to a free breakfast and waiting for the flight.
I had about an hour of nervousness because there was a problem with our plane. We ended up being delayed about an hour and a half. Which considering...was not a big deal. A lot of people missed connecting flights out of SLC which was to bad but not me! Flying first class was sweet. Highly recommended. Not a bad a deal I took. Arrived home less than a day later no worse for the wear.
Wow this is really long and not that eventful. Sorry. Written more for me than you.
In closing I'll just say my weekend was great. Totally worth the hassle of air travel. Thanks Wilbur. But is it ok to say that I'm fine if I don't have to hop on a plane again anytime soon?
Next adventure: Me, Stu and the Subaru travel across the country. Stay tuned.
So here are the worst things about traveling in the winter time:
1. The weather
2. Its really cold (aka the weather)
3. Flights are often delayed, canceled, or made more dangerous (because of the weather)
4. Traveling near Christmas was also an interesting experience. I think if a flight is canceled in January everyone will be inconvenienced and disgruntled however they might miss a work day or a class and who doesn't love a legitimate excuse to be kept from that stuff every once in awhile. But if your flight gets canceled near Dec. 25 everyone is a little more upset and panicked cause everyone wants to be home for the holidays.
So here's what happened to me. I left the Cleve Monday morning, flight was uneventful. I had a three hour lay-over in Chicago O'Hare. Huge airport, spent a bunch of time walking around, ate a Chicago dog and some caramel popcorn. My flight was on time but over booked. They asked for volunteers to stay the night in Chicago in exchange for Delta dollars. For about 15 minutes I stressed over what to do. On the one hand I'm jobless, thus poor, young etc. and I had nothing to lose by staying the night. On the other hand what if something went wrong with my flight the next day? Canceled? Delayed? It was only three days before Christmas.
I finally decided to stick around. So, Delta provided me with a hotel room at the Wyndham which was actually pretty nice. Free shuttle back and forth from the airport. A guaranteed first class ticket to SLC at 7:15 in the morning. $21 in meal vouchers and $400 Delta Dollars to be used however, whenever I want to in the next year toward flights. Not a bad deal. But I was still stressed about the next mornings flight.
Spending the night alone in Chicago three days before Christmas was kind of fun. I pretended like I was Kevin from Home Alone. I guess its Home Alone II that he spends in a nice hotel alone but that's in New York. I would have liked to have spent some time downtown but I was scared because I was alone and it was FREEZING outside. Seriously, so cold.
Woke up at 5:15. Airport was so crowded. Started to get stressed about the security line but because it was a first class ticket I got bumped to the front. Then I was selected for further screening which bumped me to the front of the front. Turns out I'm not a terrorist and it was on to a free breakfast and waiting for the flight.
I had about an hour of nervousness because there was a problem with our plane. We ended up being delayed about an hour and a half. Which considering...was not a big deal. A lot of people missed connecting flights out of SLC which was to bad but not me! Flying first class was sweet. Highly recommended. Not a bad a deal I took. Arrived home less than a day later no worse for the wear.
Wow this is really long and not that eventful. Sorry. Written more for me than you.
In closing I'll just say my weekend was great. Totally worth the hassle of air travel. Thanks Wilbur. But is it ok to say that I'm fine if I don't have to hop on a plane again anytime soon?
Next adventure: Me, Stu and the Subaru travel across the country. Stay tuned.
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