What the Inside of My Head Looks Like

I have so many things that I REALLY want to write about. I'm kind of happy about this because I haven't felt this way in a long time...I'll try not to do it all at once...just vomit every thought in one blog...if I was smart and patient I'd spend the time to really, appropriately clear my head but it may just all have to come out now...

1. Gilmore Girls...This show and I haven't always been friends. For a long long time I just thought it was a silly girly show where the women talk way too fast guaranteeing a headache for any viewer. Through a series of events I don't want to take the time to describe I've become a pretty serious follower of Lorelei and Rory. Here's what I think: This show is much better than I originally gave it credit for. Yes they talk fast and make the most obscure references in almost every sentence (does anybody get ALL of them??? If you do call me. You're the smartest person I know. I only get about half) and the music is abominable (except Carol King in the opening credits) but at least once an episode at least one of the characters exhibits a depth and complexity I don't think I've seen anywhere else on television. You get the feeling that these are real people with real human responses to the slightly unreal situations the writers put them in. If you watch House or Grey's Anatomy or some trauma drama show like that the amount of tragedy one character endures in one episode is so enormous and so over the top it would put a normal person in the ground for sure. And they have such unnatural responses to it. But these Gilmore girls and the people in there lives have problems you can believe and responses to them you can believe. I mean its still television...the scenarios are still over the top but its better than I gave it credit for. Thanks Rachelle for watching with me.

2. I've been reading kind of accidentally a lot of books about African colonialism lately. I really want to write about that but its not time yet. What I do want to write about is the men in these books. Lately the male figures in the books I've been reading have frustrated me. Causing me to redefine my view on feminism. I don't subscribe to traditional feminism its much to severve for me, but I do support individual women getting the love and respect they deserve in their individual lives. Whatever that means for them. Now the new idea brought on by my reading: I don't want to be equal to a man (why would I want to be like a man?)...I want a man to ACT (not be) equal to me. I'm talking about sharing...sacrafice...service...This may seem backwards. Maybe it is. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about...The men in the books for the most part are collectively LAZY, and to some degree abusive...Obviously not all men are like this but when I think of most monogamous relationships I know of , whether the woman works outside the home or not, she carries most the load on the home front. Again not true for everyone. This is a little true too in the single/dating world I've experienced. The men that I've been reading about would only participate in what they felt like was "man's work" which mostly consisted of heavy lifting, higher thinking, killing something and drinking on the porch with their friends. This meant that EVERYTHING else was left to the women. If you consider all it takes to keep a family and home running especially if their are children involved this is not an equal share of labor.

So let me back up...I'm not coming down on dudes. You know I love you right dudes? These are fictionaly dudes I'm talking about. I'm just saying that for me...in whatever sort of situation I'm currently in or end up in I want there to be a sharing of work and responsibility...a feeling of "I've got your back" or "I'm on your team". That sounds so romantic to me. This goes the other way too. If I need to work outside the home I'll work outside the home. Its a team effort.

Is this feminism?

3. Along those lines I was struck by the thought today that we are affected and in some way changed by every relationship we have with another person. Obviously it stands to reason the more significant the relationship the more significant the change. This happens because when we are in a relationship (friendship, romance, familial, work etc.) we are offering some part of ourselves to that person. If its a mutually successful and healthy relationship the other person is offering some part of themselves back. Thus by giving of ourselves and recieving (the trust?) of someone else we are changed. If you feel that you are unchanged by your relationship with someone it is because you are only taking from the relationship and not giving back. In a word I believe it is called selfishness, and behind that word is probably another ugly one like fear, hate, sadness.

Imagine if you will two people who give 100% of themselves 100% of the time to the other. The force, the energy, and power that this...there is no other word for it...love would create would be huge, unimaginable...I don't know if the world could contain it. (Oh geez I just rolled my eyes at myself) but seriously, I do think that the level that we humans do manage to give to each other provides enough energy that it is what makes the world rotate...the sun to rise in the morning and people to get out of bed and live their lives. I know that when I only have myself to think about in a day its harder to get out of bed. When I was little I asked my mom why so many of the songs on the radio were about love. She replied that it was because love makes the world go round. Like she is with so many things...she was right.

I have a bunch of stuff to say about Ohio but I'll write it later.

I apologize to those that made it this far. Sometimes I should just write a journal entry and save everyone the trouble.