Friday, February 29, 2008

Tagged

So apparently I've been "tagged" by my friend Jalayne which I guess is the blogger equivalent of getting poked on Facebook...getting a forward in email...getting a chain letter in real mail...and getting tagged in the game of tag. According to Jalayne I'm supposed to share eight things about myself....Here goes:

1. I like expensive shoes. Comfort, quality, style and longevity really matter to me and you just can't get it with a $15 pair of shoes. I'd rather pay $60 for a pair of shoes that I can wear for years than $15 for a pair that will be trashed after a season. I could probably say that the degree of love I have for each pair of shoes in my closet corresponds directly with how much they cost. The more they cost the more I love them. I can't help myself. (There are other products that I like to pay more for some of these are: make-up, bras, and coats, also cheese and chocolate).

2. I have a fear of...my feet leaving the ground? Maybe it's better described as a fear of falling. It's not a fear of heights because I can stand on a ledge and look over and not be scared but I don't like doing anything where my feet leave the ground. This includes, any sort of diving or jumping from things, rock climbing, climbing a ladder, and doing lifts when I'm country dancing. I can even remember walking on the top of a wall and there being a little gap that I had to jump over (seriously I don't think it was wider than my stride) but I didn't think I could do it. I was scairt.

3. I have a very low tolerance for potty talk. I'm not very prudish and don't really squirm at talking about other private-like topics but I can't handle bathroom talk. Specifically number two. I don't understand why people love to talk about pooing and farts so much. I'd prefer to pretend it doesn't happen.

4. I'm proud that I'm left-handed. Maybe even annoyingly so. I'm a white, middle class American which kind of scores low on the diversity scale so I'm glad that I can be in the 10% of left-handers in the world. I just assume that I'm more creative and clever than the average right-hander, also more healthy and altogether more dexterous. If I lost my left arm I'd be able to function way better than a right-hander would if they lost their dominant arm. Sometimes I treat it like a disability and make people open my cans of soup, or cut things out for me. If I can't do something well (calligraphy) I blame it on being left-handed.

5. I don't really like cold cereal. It get's gross and soggy, it's never very filling and it disurbs me when it turns my milk blue, brown or whatever.


6. I'm a sucker for nature shows. BBC's Planet Earth is absolute genius! I love it so much that my dreams are narrated by David Attenbourough (not really but I Wish He was their Commentator). I'll be channel surfing and catch a glimpse of a lion chasing a gazelle or a mama bear nursing her cub and I'm hooked. I just love to be reminded of the beauty and complexity of God's creations and it's proof enough for me that nothing is an accident.

7. I'm a little bit of a kleptomaniac. I'm not proud of it but sometimes I just like to take things. Or keep things that don't belong to me. I realize that this is pretty serious but I justify it by telling myself that it won't be missed (like a small toy from a happy meal on the floor of a friend's car) or that it's fair for me to keep something of someone's because that same thing had been taken from me (like a pair of scissors). To me its a form of Karma. I can't really see too many who agree with me though. I'll work on it ok?

8. My iPod's name is Ichabod, and he's one of my best friends. Ichabod is like a little window into my soul. My life was pretty sad a dreary before he came (musically at least). And now, I can't imagine life without him.


So there you go. I wonder if I told anybody anything they didn't already know.

Oh and I tag Sadie and Beckie

"Someday I'll fly, someday I'll soar. Someday I'll be something much more. Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for..." John Mayer

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Left-overs

These are just some left-over thoughts from my valentine's post:

It seems to me that in order to avoid getting hurt we avoid being open and honest with each other when I think that if we were open and honest we would get hurt a lot less. Knowing is always better than not knowing. If we are open and honest We may get hurt more frequently but the pain would be less than being strung along forever and ever.

One other way we manage to mess everything up is by worrying too much about ourselves. We have been taught since we were very small that it is far more satisfying to put others before ourselves. That was Christ's main message right? I think (actually I KNOW) if we considered others' feelings more than worrying about our own we would be far more successful (i.e. Happy).

In my opinion most relationships fail because of selfishness.

I don't consider myself to be a pessimist...I consider myself to be a realist. I know that things work out and I'm so glad that they do. Sometimes though we are our own worst enemies...

If your opinions differ from mine, please share (in a nice way) I like hearing differing opinions it helps me gain a new perspective and it helps me see faults in my own logiC. My opinions are fluid...and open ended (like that ellipsis)

Friday, February 22, 2008

People Who Need People

I had a friend tell me the other day that I was the least needy person she knew. Before I could protest she stopped me and pointed out that she didn't say I wasn't needy I was just less needy than other people. I can't really say if that's true or not, all I know is that I do need people. I don't need them to go to the bathroom with me, or to go to the grocery store. I don't need them to pick out new shoes with me or to go get something to eat. Heck, I don't even really need people to talk to if I have something good to read or there is a good show on TV. (Sidenote: I've found that this makes me a really low matienence girlfriend so if you're male and single and that's what you're looking for give me a call...or should I say Sadie, if you know anyone male and single and they want a cactus and not a rose bush for a girlfriend give them my number).

So how does this make me needy? I need people who care...about me. I don't need them to agree with me or approve of what I do. I don't need them to disagree or disapprove. I simply need them to care and because I care about them I'll do my best to please them...I want to be someone worth caring about.

This comment made by my friend has led me to consider who I need and why. And I've realized that people in your life have as much importance as you give them. They care because I care. I care because they care. It's the great circle of life...kind of. I guess it all boils down to time. Time given = caring. That's probably why we love our mothers so much, they care more than anyone else (except spouses I'm told) about us. And they show it by devoting most if not all of their time to your needs (going with you to pick out shoes, taking you to the bathroom, getting you something to eat...) How can you help but love someone who's life is devoted to making you happy? That kind of love is intoxicating...addicting even...we NEED it. But you can't get it until you give it. The Beatles probably wrote a song about that...

Anyway, this blog might leave you wondering Who Heather Cares about and if you are one of those people that she needs...the fact that you are reading this means yes, friend, you most definitely are.

Peace.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

In Honor of St. Valentine

This has been a long time coming...I've developed a new philosophy...it may not be healthy but we all indulge in a little self-destructive behavior once in awhile and I know when enough is enough so I'm not worried. Here goes:
I've never been a big dater, for a few different reasons that I won't get into here but I think that because of the rarity of dates I had, the importance that society placed on them and my own naivety I adopted a "take what you can get and be grateful" kind of attitude towards dating. And that was fine for that time in my life...but now I sit here on the eve of Valentine's Day 2008 and evaluate the change in my attitude towards dating that has been developing over the past year. Here's what I've come up with:

It sucks. It really does. And I can understand why we're all so scared of it. It hurts like he--. But the thing is is that it has to be done. Even if the church wasn't telling us we need to be together our bodies would be. So we have to do it. And it's a 100% gaurantee that you're going to get hurt and that you are going to feel stupid so you might as well get over that right now, because if you can't you might as well throw yourself off a building or something. I know that that sounds really dramatic but really, you can't get close enough to someone to experience the joy that makes all this crap worth it unless you're willing to risk your heart. If you're not willing to make that risk then...Game Over. Sorry you're done.

So here's my new philosophy:
It (sucess in dating) doesn't seem to happen when you play by the rules, and it doesn't seem to happen when you don't play by the rules so you might as well do whatever you want. If I'm going to fall down and bloody myslef up I might as well get what I want in the process. Is that wrong? Should I feel bad that I'm not content sitting and waiting for it to come find me? Now please don't think that I've thrown my values out the window. I'm not talking about making out with everyone you see I'm talking about getting what you want and not settling, not being content with whatever gets sent your way. Be happy. That's all I'm saying. Go about dating so that if it doesn't work out with someone you have no regrets. If that means sitting alone in your bedroom hoping for someone to come knock on your door then do it!. If that means leaving Mountain Dews on boys' porches and running away then do it! If it means telling someone how you feel at the risk of them not returning those feelings then risk it! Like I said its guaranteed that you'll get hurt and that you'll feel stupid so you have to evaluate and choose what will hurt the least (knowing or not knowing, calling or not calling, trying or not trying). I had a good friend tell me to pursue someone for as long as it is fun. When it stops being fun then stop, even if it makes you a fool, at least you had fun.

Life's hard enough. Let's not make it harder for each other. Lets not waste each other's time and play with each other's hearts. If you're feeling it then do it! If you're not then that's fine too. You can't help it. Whatever you do do it deliberately! If he's not that into you then Who the Hell Cares! Pick yourself up dust yourself off and move on to the next one cause there is someone better down the road.

Plan on getting hurt, plan on feeling like the biggest fool anyone has ever seen and get out there and live your life. You'll never score a basket if you don't shoot the ball and I promise that at the end of the day you'll walk away with more hits than misses.

Here's some things I know:
  • When relationships are good they are REALLY good when they're bad they're REALLY ugly
  • Love is a battlefield.
  • When you're dreaming with a broken heart the waking up is the hardest part
  • You're worth whatever you believe you're worth
  • What goes around comes around
  • You can't force it and you shouldn't have to try to
  • Nothing worth having is easily obtained
  • You can't always get what you want but sometimes you might find, you get what you need.

I feel like this is a little half-baked. I might polish it after it sits for a little while but as Sadie is the only person who is paying attention I'm not too worried about this being seen before its ready. Love you Sade! (The best part is is that none of this really applies to you)

Monday, February 11, 2008

Joining the Ranks

So I've decided to stop resisting and join the ranks of millions of people who think that other people want to hear what they have to say. I don't know why I've avoided it for so long...I have friends who blog and I enjoy reading them I guess it just seems kind of weird to me to (in a way) be writing for an audience. Although if I don't tell anyone I have a blog I guess I'm just writing it for me. And that's ok because for one reason or another I've stopped writing in a journal and sometimes I've got so much buzzing around in my head that I need an outlet. Sometimes I try to talk out my thoughts with my friends but often I get an uninterested look or worse a look that makes me question my sanity. If I write these thoughts out here I don't have to see anyone's looks. Isn't technology great? Here's one more place we can alienate ourselves from each other. So here's to self-importance, alienation and text-based verbal vomit. And that's Why Heather Chooses to blog.
Keep it real...

*I recognize that a lot of people blog to keep their friends and family updated with whats going on in their lives and if used for that purpose blogging is far from alienating but, for me, it still leaves me with an uncomfortable feeling that I think I'm important enough that people want to log on to their computers and read about me...oh well, no one's putting a gun to your head right?