Karma; thy name is B****

I didn't always have the phenomenal body I'm currently blessed with (not...I'm turning soft and lumpy in all sorts of places). Before "becoming a woman" I was shaped like a barrel. The same thickness from my shoulders to my thighs.

*Oh dear. I'm very sad for my former self.

As you can see I was somewhat of a dancer in my youth before my mother, who knew better, threw me in a swimming pool. I danced for Tracy's Dance Academy. There was another girl in my dance classes who coincidentally was also named Heather. She was also rotund. More so than myself if I'm completely honest. The difference between me and the other Heather was that she was mean. Ruthlessly and irrationally mean. I can't say if it was just to me or to everyone but she was really mean to me. And oddly enough she was mean about my weight and size. Which didn't make any sense as she was a fat girl herself. She teased me mercilessly about being a bigger girl. Poor me. It still stings a little. I remember this exchange particularly clearly:

Mean Heather: Why are you so fat?
Me Heather: *stunned; What?
Mean Heather: Oh its cuz you like to eat huh?
Me Heather: What?

Understandably I have forced these memories Peter Pan deep and have maybe only once thought about what kind of sad person she must be today.

Well, I found out. I currently work at a tutoring center and the other day as I was coming into work I was surprised that the lobby contained three to four similar looking, out of control children who were in the process of tearing the place apart. The door to my boss's office was closed and I figured that the parent(s) of the jungle children must be in a meeting with my boss the director. As I passed the office, I caught a glimpse of the mother. It was her! Mean Heather! My blood ran cold and I just prayed she wouldn't recognize me. About an hour later my boss had finally emerged from her office (the mother had left and come back for something three times before leaving for good) looking like she had been through it.

She had. In one meeting she learned that the woman's name was indeed Heather. She was enrolling her six year old son to be tutored in reading (She was around my age which means she had her first kid around 19!) and that she had at least 3-4 others already. Her husband had some kind of trust fund and she had had lipo-suction, two tummy tucks and was going in for another round of lipo the very next day. During the meeting one of the kids crawled under her desk and turned her computer off. Lovely.

I bravely told my boss of my past with her. Reliving emotions I hadn't felt since being a self-conscious, prepubescent, over-weight girl. My boss put a sympathetic hand on my arm and told me to find comfort in the fact that the woman is a total nut job.

Her kid has been coming for a little while now. He's the kind of kid that hisses at other kids, makes gun noises out of nowhere and talks in a high cartoon voice because he thinks its funny or cute (its not). And to be honest, he's pretty dull. And chubby. I don't teach him a ton but it seems that whenever I'm arriving at work or on my way out the Mean Heather is out of her car wanting to talk about something with my boss. (Mean Heather added my boss as a friend on facebook). I've gotten so close to running into her. I try to just wear my sun glasses and rush past but I'm sure she's recognized me. I get anxiety about going to work now.

Anyway. I may not be the slimmest thing around but I've never had surgery to correct it. And that spare tire around my middle magically turned itself into a great rack. So all's fair right? Right.