A Memory, Just in Time for Halloween

When I was in middle school I walked to and from school everyday. I usually walked with two friends that lived in my neighborhood. Our normal route took us past the Cottonwood Heights Rec Center. On particularly cold days we would cut through the Rec Center for an extra minute of warmth.

One day I was walking home alone. I must have had to stay late that day. I cut through the Rec Center and decided to pay my water bill at a small, little used restroom near my exit. There were only three stalls in the bathroom and noting that all the stall doors were open (giving me the impression I was alone) I chose the middle stall. I go about my business but before I'm finished the silence was cut with a chilling, Halloween worthy, female scream coming from the stall on my right. It scared me so bad I stopped mid-stream, yanked up my pants and got the heck out of there, my exit punctuated by a second scream.

In hindsight, my adult, emergency response trained self thinks I should have checked to see what was wrong. But I was SURE I was alone in there. It freaked me out and I could not do anything but get out. I couldn't use that bathroom again for years. I still don't know what happened. Maybe it was all in my head?

Anyway,

Happy Halloween!

The Ugly Side of the Sacrament

Bet you didn't think there was one did ya? Neither did I until this morning.

It's my ward's month to clean the church. I signed up to help for today. After being slightly delayed this morning I showed up about fifteen minutes late. I'm still pretty new to my ward and so I didn't know the young man standing in front of the custodial closet door who after quickly scanning the list posted on the door gave me one of the jobs still left. He asked me clean the sacrament preparation room and wipe out all the sacrament trays.

I was kind of excited. I had never been in that room before. I knew it wasn't going to be some ornate luxurious room but just the fact that I had never seen one gave the job an air of mystery and excitement. Just to dispel any romantic notions YOU might have about the room it's little with a counter and a sink and some shelves.

Immediately after registering what the room look liked, my sense of smell was accosted. It stunk. Bad.

Due to the small proportions of the room it didn't take me long to identify the cause of the smell. In the corner was a tall trash can three quarters of the way full with discarded sacrament cups and (brace yourself) bits of wet, moldy, black and blue, fuzzy bread. It was so gross.

Because of the offensive smell I decided I would start with taking the garbage out. I pulled on the bag and it was HEAVY. I got it high enough to see that rank, stinky water was dripping from the bottom of the bag. And as soon as I disturbed the fetid mess the stink increased ten times.

I pulled my shirt over my nose and pulled the trash can onto the stand to get it out of the tiny room. I wiped trays down, counter and sink and it was about this time my roommate Rachelle comes by having finished her job and asks what smells so bad. I show her and her only response is "Boys." She ran to grab two trash bags, one to double up the dripping nasty one and one as a replacement.

When she comes back, shirts over our noses, we double bag that sucker and she hurries away to the dumpster with it. Leaving me with the trash can that still has a quarter inch of stinky water, pieces of beyond recognizable bread and a few tiny plastic cups floating in the bottom. The stink is still overwhelming. I thought about just tossing the can and letting someone in charge know that the sacrament prep room needed a new one. But I remembered that usually the custodial closets have tallish sinks (for lack of a better word) with drains on the floor and faucets with a short hose on them. I dragged the can in there and started rinsing it out. I got the can pretty clean but the bits of "bread" and cups were caught in the drain. So I put on a latex glove and right as I'm about to fish the stuff out the last of the cleaning party shows up at the closet, including the young man who assigned me the job.

"What is that?" he asks disgustedly.

"This is what was in the bottom of the garbage can in the sacrament preparation room." I reply.

Now here comes the worst part of the story. This guy then proceeds to say, like he's patting himself on the back, that that's why he gave that job to a woman. Because we're so "detail oriented" and men clean that room up all the time and miss stuff like that. What?! Taking out the stinking, moldy, mildewy trash that has been neglected for months and months is detail oriented?! And only the sensitivity and discerning eye of a woman could catch such a subtle offense. He would have been better off complimenting ME and not generalizing my sex as the world's best man's trash taker outers. Maybe I'm overreacting...

Anyway...

The second worst part about cleaning up that room was wiping old lipstick off of the bottom of the water trays. There's something you never think about.

Happy Sabbath tomorrow!

The Dentist and I

I went to the dentist today. An appointment I keep every 6 months. I'm kind of starting to realize that this is more frequent than most adults see the dentist if there's nothing bothering them but I try to do it for a couple reasons:

1. Because I'm still on my parent's insurance and I can

2. Because growing up I had really bad teeth. I had cavities every time I went. I even had a couple root canals on baby teeth. Ridiculous right? Thanks to growing up and (relatively) regular brushing and flossing I seem to have it under control but I'm still paranoid that if I don't stay out in front of it my teeth will just turn black and fall out.

Going to the dentist for me is always an ironic experience. I hate going to the dentist. I don't really like having my teeth cleaned and I REALLY don't like having anything beyond that done. But I love my dentist's office. Here's a list of things I like about the dentist:

• The receptionist and hygienists. I've been going to the same dentist for years and years. They've known me a long time. They know every member of my family and what order we all come in. When Ryan was gone they always asked how he was. They know what my degree is in. They know I have a boyfriend. They know I moved to Ohio. And now they know I'm back. I feel like I could almost count them as friends. Except most of my friends don't put their fingers in my mouth. MOST of them. (hee).

• While the music that plays is the softest rock that's ever existed and makes me want to cry with boredom there are tv's in the ceiling which if I'm just going in for a cleaning I usually don't bother with but if I'm having something more serious done its a nice way to pass the time and a good distraction when the drill and clamps are at work. Yuck.

• The nitrous oxide. Nuff said.

• I really like that heavy apron they put on you when they do your x-rays. Is that weird? I always want them to just leave it on me.

• The warm towel they give you to wipe your face when you're done.
  

Now here's the stuff I don't like about the dentist:

• Everything else.

The rest is just varying degrees of super unpleasant to downright painful. It sucks and I hate it.

But I go all the time. What's wrong with me?

The other thing that I find incredibly ironic about going to the dentist is I go in feeling fine. No problems with my mouth whatsoever. They'll tell me I have a cavity. So I go in to get it fixed. I leave. The spot they worked on now bothers me. What the crap? Are they just making stuff up? Like there isn't enough dental problems in the world they have to make up work to do in my mouth. Stupid. I'm pretty sure the Bartons alone have paid for Dr. Gleave's second home in St. George.

Sigh.

and another thing...

This is scary. I either need to become a vegetarian or find a way to eat healthily raised meat. I'm glad I don't have to worry about feeding kids. Its hard enough for me!

http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1917458,00.html

This is a good idea. And maybe a way to improve the problem in the first article...

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/10/05/ruiz.obesity.tax/index.html?iref=newssearch

I saw the movie that article refers to and it was disturbingly gluttonous. A not so subtle nod in our direction.

My new favorite show:

http://www.hulu.com/the-biggest-loser

Makes me feel motivated. But the irony of watching people work out INSTEAD of working out is not lost on me.

And finally, some energy (read: money) saving tips:

http://www.usatoday.com/money/industries/energy/2009-10-15-how-to-lower-heating-costs_N.htm

Just some stuff I've been reading/thinking about.

Happy Fall

A Parallel

I've long believed that outside of Mormon culture drinking (of the alcohol variety) is less a personal choice indicating if you stand on moral high ground or grovel in a pit of societal filth and more just something that you do. When you're 5 you go to kindergarten, 13 you're officially a teenager, sixteen you drive a car and somewhere around there I would imagine you have your first drink. Its a coming of age sort of thing...a rite of passage, a cultural experience, more than a moral choice an individual makes. An average American youth whose parents drink casually and responsibly I don't think ever has a moment where a switch is flipped in their head and says "I think today is the day I will start my descent into hell" and goes and has a drink. That's the way that we (Mormons) are taught to think about drinking (not the descent into hell part the individual choice part). To us it IS a choice between right and wrong, good and evil. A drink to us is a very decided step in the wrong direction. Because (sigh) we know better.

As you all know I am not a drinker. Nor will I ever be. If you really must know I think it is gross, wasteful, and if this makes sense at all, insincere. I really don't respect it or appreciate what it does to people and to families. However, some of the people I love very most are drinkers. And in my time observing them I've been able to draw an interesting parallel with drinking culture and Mormon culture (are you curious?????)

In the following examples please substitute the word "drink" with the words "ice cream":

"Hey its your birthday! Let me buy you a drink!"

"Hey I think you're cute and nice, can I take you for a drink?"

"You got a new job! Awesome! Let me buy you a drink!"

"I haven't seen you in so long! Lets go get a drink now that you're back in town."

"We won our league's basketball championship! We're meeting up for a drink."

"Hard day at work? Wanna go for a drink?"

"You're boyfriend broke up with you? What a jerk. Lets go for a drink."

etc. etc.

Interesting right? Who knew ice cream was such a big part of our culture. No wonder Utah is the number 1 consumer of ice cream.

And in any of these scenarios I personally would substitute ice cream with fro yo. Or vodka but that's just me.

Peace.

"No amount of coffe, no amount of crying, no amount of whiskey, no wine, nothing else will do. I gotta have you" -- The Weepies

The Epic Tragedy of Wall Drug (pronounced wale droog)

I drove across the country over the holiday weekend. An experience I would encourage everyone to have at least once. It really gives you some perspective on how big our country really is and there's nothing like seeing the crappy middle of nowhere towns some people live in to make you appreciate where you live. I told Molly somewhere in Wisconsin that I kind of wanted to just go to someone's front door and say "You know you don't have to live here right? There are better places than this."

When I drove cross country the first time in January we took I-80 through Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, Illonios, Indiana and finally Ohio. It was straight and flat and boring. Eastern Wyoming and Nebraska where the worst. Things got a little better through the I states. More of what you tend to think of when you think of Middle America: rolling hills, farmhouses, elephant eye tall corn etc.

On the way back Molly and I decided to take I-90 which took a little out of the way to the north so that we could see Mt. Rushmore. Something I've always wanted to do but knew I would never plan a trip there. Its very out of the way and in the middle of nowhere, you see.

Our first leg of the journey took us via the Ohio turnpike through Indiana and up through Chicago. We stopped for the night in Beloit, Wisconsin just over the state line. We ended up paying a little over $20 in tolls. Ridiculously infruriating. Especially to someone who has traveled miles and miles of good roads for free out west. Listen up you east side midwestern states: Take a look at whatever it is we're doing out here and copy it because driving through your states sucks.

Next day brought us Wisconsin, Minnesota (which boasts 10,000 lakes but I only saw a little pond) and finally South Dakota.

Whatever South Dakota lacks in natural beauty when compared to its neighbors it makes up for in quirkiness. The road was flat and straight but I got the feeling that the residences of the state didn't take themselves too seriously, and weren't afraid to exploit anything as some sort of attraction. I saw some pretty strange yard art (skeleton of a man leading a skeleton of a dinosaur on a leash) and a palace (read small indoor basketball arena) made of corn, but the most intriguing thing about the state was Wall Drug.

We hadn't been in SD for too long before we starting seeing signs for Wall Drug. We continued to see these signs for all 350 miles we were in the state. Some had cowboys on them, some dinosaurs, I saw rockets and Santa Clause all advertising Wall Drug. Is it a town? A store? As we neared our destination for the night (Rapid City) the signs became more frequent and I finally asked Molly to look up what Wall Drug was on her phone.

A google search revealed (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wall_Drug) that essentially Wall Drug is a big, old drugstore that had free ice water, five cent coffee and homemade doughnuts.

It is truly a testament of how stir crazy we must have been for this to cause the excitement it did. We were stopping. No matter what. We were getting our free ice water, home made doughnut and five cent coffee we wouldn't drink. We exited at Wall, SD. Followed the signs, excitment building and building. We were finally going to see the Wall Drug! We pulled up and parked. It was serioulsy half a block long. It was built in the style of the old west. So excited. We approached the door...and I wish I was making this up... I extended my hand to open the door...and...the lights went out. The door was locked. It was only eight o'clock at night! We had come so far! For the love! After all the build up and not even a free ice water. Biggest let down of the trip. So sad.

To add insult to injury we got some real crappy food at the cafe across the street.

Again sorry for the long post. I promised myself I would keep this short. Maybe because I wait so long in between blogs it builds up and all comes out at once like blog vomit.

Eaters of the World Unite!

So I just finished reading this book...

It fits into two new interests of mine; healthy eating and non-fiction. It got me pretty fired up. Poor W has born the brunt of it.

The book was In Defense of Food. It laid bare some very interesting points about the culture of eating we're caught up in today. Its killing us. Its really killing us. Due to modern medicine people today are dying less and less from infectious disease such as the bubonic plague or small pox but now we are dying of diet related illnesses: Obesity, diabetes, heart disease and cancer. Yuck right? These things can be hereditary but for the most part they are diet related. Is it a coincidence that these diseases have been on the rise ever since fast food, and processed food have taken the place of home cooking in our lives? I submit that it is not. Ever since we let the food industry, government , and Ronald McDonald tell us what to eat and kicked Mom out of the kitchen we've become the fattest and possibly the most unhealthy eaters in the world. Never before has such a well fed population been so malnourished. What a giant contradiction!

Why have we started listening to nutritionists and scientists to find out what we should eat when for thousands of years humans have flourished on trusting their own senses and eating what their mothers feed them? Why are we suckered into one eating fad after another? They tell us to eat a diet low in fat, low protein and high carb, then low carb and high protein, now antioxidants and omega 3s are all the rage. Could it be that scientists can't see the whole picture? Why do we keep trusting them when they are continually proving themselves wrong or at least finding out that they don't know as much as they thought they did.

So here's the skinny (pun!):

If it has a health claim on it you should avoid it. For real. Take margarine for example; when margarine hit the scene it was hailed as a miracle because it took the place of butter but cut out all the reasons butter is bad for us. Fast forward 30 years and scientists are finding that the heart attacks they thought margarine was saving you from its actually causing. Because, think about it this makes a lot of sense, once the "bad fats" that are in butter are eliminated they have to replace it with something else. This something else turns out to be something synthetic, man made. That's right, a man engineered fat that is far worse for you than the original fat (which actually turns out to be good for you) in butter. Whoops. How could the human body be expected to deal with something that doesn't occur in nature better than something its been eating forever. So really if it claims to be low or reduced fat...stay away from it...you're better off with whatever nature provides...

Which brings me to my next point. Fruits and veggies can't make health claims. The biggest sin we might be commiting in our diets today is the sin of omission. Vegetarians aren't healthier because meat is bad for you they are healthier because they eat more fruits and veggies. Our poor diets might be less the result of what we ARE eating but more a result of what we ARE NOT eating. If you've got a 12oz steak on your plate is there much room for anything else? Poor fruits and veggies can't wear shiny labels that say "Now with more vitamin C!" or something to that effect. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot and it will always be good for you.

So much of what we are eating is the result of clever marketing. The food business is just that: a business. They are not interested in your health they are interested in making a profit. And the worst part is is that not even the government is looking out for you! Companies will pay big bucks to get the FDA to label something or word something a certain way in their favor. When nutritionists found out that eating grains where good for us (duh!) Cold cereal makers hit the big time. Its all about money. And we fall for all of their marketing ploys.

Another thing that was startling to me is that today the average American is getting somewhere near 80% of their calories from only three sources: corn, wheat and soy. This is a scary thought when you consider we are omnivores. We require a diverse diet to get all of the nutrients we need. If it comes in a box or a bag you can count on it having one of those three grains in them. Yikes.

So how do we avoid all of the traps laid for us? Follow these simple rules:

1. Don't eat anything your great great grandmother wouldn't recognize as food. When I read this I thought of Cheetos. Would someone who hasn't been alive for the past twenty years know that a Cheeto was edible? I don't think so. The book cited Go-gurts. You could tell Grandma it was yogurt but if you look at the ingredients is it really just yogurt?

2.Which leads me to the next guideline: Don't eat anything packaged with more than 5 ingredients. Take bread for example. Bread is made from flour, yeast, water, salt, maybe some butter or oil. Next time you buy bread check out the ingredients label. What is all that stuff?!

3. Don't eat anything you can't pronounce. If you can't pronounce it you probably don't know what it is. If you don't know what it is how do you know its good for you?

4. Stop snacking. Its a lot of calories, a lot of food we don't need. Never sit down with a box or a bag.

5. Don't eat alone (if you can help it). One of the things that has changed dramatically from our greatgradmothers time is not just what we eat but HOW we eat. We eat increasingly on the run. In our cars...quickly in between tasks at work. Its not healthy. We're losing our food culture. And our society is suffering as a result. Think of all the things that are/can be/should be taught at a family dinner table. How many families really take that opportunity? Also if you don't eat alone you are more likely to be aware of how much you are eating because of those around you.

6. Cook more. The book pointed out that never before has a society spent so little time and so little money on what it eats. Think back 150 years ago. If providing food for yourself and your family wasn't your full time job (farming) it was the second most time consuming element in your day. By spending a little more time and a little more money everyday we will be eating healthier. If you cook for yourself you never have to wonder what's in what you're eating. After having a frustrating experience in the kitchen W asked me why I like to cook. I told him its because I like being able to enjoy (and have others enjoy) something I created. When put like that he could see how it could be rewarding. But besides work what should take up the most time in our day to day? Food of course! But does it? DOES IT?!

So that's it for the most part. I'll climb down from my soap box. Since reading the book I definitely haven't kept to these guidelines 100% but I am more aware of what I'm eating and that's the first step to being healthier.

Sorry my posts are so long. If I were you I don't know if I could make it :) Thanks for reading.