My Trip to the Bahamas (or The Booze Cruise)

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve never known anybody besides myself to complain about a free trip to the Bahamas, but I found a way! Just ask Will. In all fairness to myself I’ve never known anyone besides myself to go on a free trip to the Bahamas (unless you count Jenni which I don’t cause her parents paid for that). This trip was an all expenses paid rewards cruise for the top salesmen (and women) in my Dad’s company, SYSCO Foods. As my stepmom couldn’t go due to her recent procedure I was my Dad’s female companion. Before I go any further I’ll just put in a plug for SYSCO…if you’ve got any talent in sales you should look into working for these people. They treat my Dad very well. I think my dad is pretty good at what he does which helps but they are always sending him on free trips or he’s eligible to win Jeeps and stuff. Plus he gets like four weeks of paid vacation. He works real hard though…

Anyway, back to the cruise. The cruise line was Holland America and our ship was the ms Westerdam (like a beaver). SYSCO chartered the ship, meaning the only passengers on the ship were SYSCO salespeople and their guests being rewarded for doing a good job. From what I found out, the ship held 1200-1300 passengers however because it was a chartered cruise there were only 800-900 passengers on our cruise. I also found out that the ship had 800 crew members. That’s right there was 1 crew member for every passenger. I kept looking around and wondering where my personal servant was but I guess they had specific assignments like, cook, steward, DJ and stuff like that. The other exceptional thing about this cruise was the liquor package. All drinks under $7 were free. For me that meant a lot of Diet Coke. For everyone else that meant a lot of alcohol. So what did I have to complain about?…not much it was, after all, a Bahamian cruise. Here are the highlights and the lowlights…you tell me if I’m justified.

Tallest Father-Daughter couple: My dad’s tall. I don’t always realize it because he’s just my dad but when we’re around other people and I see their reactions I realize that he’s a big guy. I feel pretty confident in saying he was the biggest guy on the boat. That already attracts a lot of attention. Then you factor in his personality which is friendly, warm, and frat boyish and he’s a pretty likeable guy. Once all these strangers take in this big man they look at who he’s accompanied by. Me. And I think I was taller than all the other men in the group. If you know me you know I don’t like attention to be drawn in my direction. (Thus no karaoke). On top of that, I’m a tad anti-social and I unintentionally (most of the time) put off a “please don’t talk to me” vibe. Now factor in that I was way younger than everybody else, I was my dad’s daughter not his wife (most everyone else in the group of my dad’s associates we spent time with were husband and wife), and (here’s probably the thing that made me feel most marginalized) that I don’t drink. You can (try to) imagine how out of place I felt.

Most Awkward Moment: We get on the ship, everyone gets a drink and we tour the ship a little bit. Which was big and incredible. After a while my dad and I decide to go find our room which I am certain would have twin beds in it. I thought there was no way my dad would be so clueless as to not request separate beds. Turns out he wasn’t, but one of the 800 crew members didn’t do their job right and there was just one queen sized bed in that little cabin. As I do my best not to complain (free cruise remember) my dad just shrugs his shoulders and says “Oh well.” Now the part that I haven’t told you is that for as long as I’ve known him my dad has slept in his underwear. I thought that for sure, considering the circumstances he would wear something more to bed. I underestimated the redneck ways of my father. Yes, that’s right, for three solid nights I slept in the same bed with my underwear-clad, slightly tipsy father on a rocking ship.

Biggest WTF Moment: We boarded the ship late Thursday morning. I was ready to jet set but we weren’t scheduled to sail til five in the evening. So I spent the day watching people drink and drink and drink and tried to find some common ground with any of the people I was going to be spending the next three days with. There was some technical problem (they needed to replace the back-up back-up generator) and we didn’t sail til nine. By that time I was ready to go. I felt like I had been traveling for two days and had yet to get anywhere. I woke up the next morining in Nassau. I was excited. We get off the ship, my dad and I and two other couples, I grab the nearest free map and begin to figure out where things are and what I want to see in this new place, keeping in mind that its not my trip and that I’ll probably follow the adults around. Well I follow the adults straight into a bar. The hell? I couldn’t believe it. I just spent the entire day before watching middle aged people drink themselves silly without a single soul to make a smart remark to about it the last thing I wanted to do was repeat that on this beautiful island that I had never seen before. On the ship I was trapped. Couldn’t go anywhere else but now I was off the boat and I was going to see this new place. So for the first time I spoke up and told my dad I wasn’t sitting there even if it meant I was going alone. He agreed that he didn’t want to sit there (I wonder if he ever felt like he was babysitting me?) and so we and the two wives we were with left and saw some of Nassau.
(Side note: I love traveling but I hate tourism…that’s a whole other blog altogether)

Movie Moment 1: Despite feeling like the black sheep the whole time and a little bit of seasickness there really isn’t anything as romantic as sailing. We had to leave Nassau by 4:30 to sail at 5:30 and after I showered and slept a little bit I sat in the complimentary white robe at a dressing table doing my hair and make-up for that night and I glanced out our balcony window at the Caribbean Sea passing beneath me and the setting sun. Perfect. I’ve never felt more like a movie star. It was romantic.

Movie Moment 2: The next morning we stopped at an island called Half Moon Cay, a tiny island that is privately owned by the cruise line. This was far and away the best day. It was exactly what you think of when you picture a Caribbean island. White powdery beach, clear blue warm water. For a beach person like me I couldn’t imagine a better way to spend my day. My dad had signed us up to go snorkeling that afternoon, which was fun. He got really sick on the boat ride back though. When a man that big looks that sick you can’t get out of his way fast enough. As soon as the boat stopped he was off with me scrambling to grab our things and run after him. He wanted to go straight back to the ship but I didn’t want to leave the island nor get back on the ship any sooner than I had to so I staid. I was a little tired of being in the sun so I sat on a shaded bench on the beach. It wasn’t long before a young man approached me. I figured right off he must be a member of the crew because he looked Filipino. (Among the 800 crew on board the only white ones were the captain, head chef, entertainers and card dealers everyone else looked to be from an island in southeast Asia). Turned out he was Indonesian and his name was Jetti. We sat and talked for awhile and I couldn’t help but feel like Baby in Dirty Dancing. He kept taking pictures with me I guess so that he could send them home to show his mom he met a white girl. I don’t know. He was a cool guy though. He was in his last month of a ten month contract. He had done the Alaskan cruise for awhile and the Panama canal cruise and this was his first Caribbean cruise. He said that for however long their contract was they worked 10-12 hour days 7 days a week. That’s intense. You’d think it would be a cool way to see the world but not if you’re kept below deck the whole time and never got days off. They wouldn’t hire me anyway, unless it was to sing or something and I’ve already mentioned how I feel about that.

This has gotten really long so I’ll quit and if you’ve made it this far I congratulate you. I just wanted to add a few more things.

Sunburns feel better in October

Bahamian mosquitoes like me just as much as American ones do. The only dark spot on my day
at Half Moon Cay.

I refrained from ordering milk with my dessert when everyone else was having coffee at least three times in order not to appear more like a child than I already felt.

My dad just called me and told me that he’s received emails from his co-workers that said it was a pleasure meeting his charming daughter and he must be so proud. I guess I didn’t give off such a party-pooper vibe after all.

I was asked multiple times why I didn’t drink. Most the time I answered with a shrug of my shoulders and a look that said I don’t really want to get into my deep, personal, theological reasons but I’m still cute. Only one guy pressed it beyond that. His first interpretation was “you don’t like to?” Again I shrug. “Are you LDS?” Bingo. His response to that was “Well, your bishop isn’t here so go ahead.” And he was right my bishop wasn’t there. So I ordered a vodka martini with three olives.


Just kidding.