Need a laugh?

Here's two for you:

This past Halloweekend I went to a dance party with two friends. I don't love dressing up and was secretly hoping to fly under the party radar this year so I wouldn't have to come up with a costume.

Thankfully at the 11th hour my friend Brit insisted I go to her friends party and orchestrated this costume:


Alvin and the Chipmunks in case you live under a rock. It was lazy and low maintenance which was perfect for me. The problem was was that if Jill and I weren't in immediate proximity to Brit aka Alvin it just looked like we were wearing ugly sweaters.

At one point we were separated from Alvin. During a brief pause in the awesome dancing a tall guy dressed as a gangster snowboarder (?) asked us what we were dressed as. I explained the costume and assured him he'd get it if Alvin were around (AAAALLLLVVVIIINNNN!!!). Jill then asked him what he thought we were before we told him. He replied looking at me "a nerd because of the funny glasses" then turned to Jill and said "I thought you were just badly dressed." HA!

On another note. I sang the Chipmunk Christmas song aaaallllll night.

Laugh 2:

I just started teaching one period of Geography at a new school. Its been three days. The kids don't really know me and I don't really know them. Today I mentioned one of the other teachers in the building by name and they were surprised that I already knew some of the other teachers. One of the students came to my defense and said:

"Of course she knows the other teachers. Ms. Handy gets around!"

Um.

Moving on class...

Then later I drew something on the board that accidentally looked exactly like a boob. There was much snickering. So there's that.

Hope everyone is having a great week!

New Undies

Wearing garments is like being commando with the Lord's blessing.

Which is awesome.

Meet my friend: Television

With my renewed vigor to blog more I'm going to write a few posts with the theme of "I'm not proud of it, but I'm not too proud to admit it..." Nothing like revealing your flaws to the interwebs eh?

So today's version: I'm not proud of it but I'm not too proud to admit that...I love TV.

I was one of those kids who could tune everything else out to an alarming degree when the television was on. I think my mom worried about my brain turning to mush.

I've always felt some shame over it because growing up my closest friends didn't care much for TV or felt that it was a waste of time, a source of moral decay...etc. Which I'm not going to argue against. Like I said. I'm not proud of it. But I didn't love feeling bad all the time about something I loved.

In college I was always the first (sometimes only) roommate to insist on getting basic cable (I'm talking about fighting for only network stations). The first show that I embraced fully with no shame, and threw a tiny fit if I missed, not caring how shallow it made me look was Alias. I LOVED that show. Eventually I hooked all my roommates and we were all racing home after ward prayer so we didn't miss it. I recall entire weekends shut in devouring whole seasons with friends who had never watched that much TV at once.

When I moved to Ohio TV took on a whole new role in my life. Before I made friends with K and T and a few others, Will was my best friend. But if he was unavailable my only other companion was TV. And I had a DVR which was a first for me. That DVR took my TV watching to a whole new level. I still miss it sometimes.

It bothers me when people have a holier-than-thou attitude about watching TV. Like they are too good for it or have so many other better things to be doing. I would argue that just because you can't see the merits in it doesn't mean there aren't any. If you really don't like to watch TV fair enough. But don't look down on me because I do. Humans have always sought entertainment...oral story tellers, theater, literature, movies and within the last century the most accessible and diverse form of all, television (which was invented by a Utahan by the way).

Today, I admit to it as a part of who I am. I am a TV watcher. I could live without it but I don't want to. I have shows I follow that I look forward to seeing every week. I even love reading about what I watch on TV. I'd like to think that if I eliminated TV from my life I could accomplish great things but the truth is I'd probably just find some other way to waste my time.

So here's to you TV, my loyal companion, and the many hours we will share in the future.

K now I actually feel a little pathetic.

Seattle Top 10

My apologies for my absence. Sometimes I want to write and sometimes I don't. But at the request of a friend and after a fun trip worth mentioning I feel like writing again.

A quick housekeeping note: I'm going to un-private the private status of W.H.C. I've proved the point I wanted to prove by going private and I get annoyed when blogs I follow don't show up in my reader because they are private. So I'm going public again. Watch for me in your reader.

Ok! Now some fun! This weekend was Fall Break here in UT and way back in June I found cheap airfare to a place I've wanted to go for oh-so-long. SEATTLE! I sent a link to the airfare to six or eight friends thinking that out of those two or three would want to go. Two and three did want to go. And so did five and six. Six of us went to Seattle. So fun.

I found an awesome vacation rental (a condo near downtown) that was so, so perfect.

I don't want to make this a travel log so I'm just going to tell you about my top ten favorite things about it.

1. Pike's Market. This place could probably fill spaces 1-5 actually. I would move to this city just for this place. Endless stalls of produce, seafood, flowers, crafts etc. It was fabulous. I'd see men carrying huge bouquets that I knew they got for super cheap and sigh. I would love to live there just to have a nice young man bring me one of those bouquets one time. Lucky girls.

2. Cooking a fresh salmon filet and roasted veggies that we bought from the market in our condo. 'Nuff said.

3. Sailing on Puget Sound. Sailing is on my bucket list and I got to fulfill it in Seattle. Kind of anyway...I would actually like to help hoist sails and secure the jib and the like but if I never get the opportunity at least I can say that I've been sailing. Also noteworthy: watching the young man who's job it was to hoist sails hoisting sails. What a cutie. Which brings me to #4.

4. This may not be the 4th greatest thing about Seattle but I couldn't pass up such a solid lead in as I gave myself above...The men of Seattle were generally attractive and SINGLE! Meaning they weren't all wearing wedding rings which is what I'm used to. And I don't have a great story to tell of meeting someone or anything...it was just refreshing to get smiled at a couple times. I even got catcalled a couple times which never happens in UT.

5. Fish, chips, chowder, and crab at Ivar's on the pier. Yum.

6. The Seattle Art Museum. I'm a sucker for art museums. Especially when there's a Picasso exhibit in town.

7. The locks and fish ladders connecting Puget Sound and Lake Washington. Nerdy but I love water, boats and wildlife ok?

8. Our tour guide on the Underground tour finding out we were from UT and saying "well you must know the popcorn popping song" and then making us sing it to the rest of the tour.

9. Our new gay friend Johnathan taking us "to the Forest" as directed by his Persian employer in his Volvo on Bainbridge Island. "The Forest" was straight out of a Twilight movie. We expected to see Edward or Jacob come leaping out at us any moment.

10. The city itself. There were a lot of homeless which was not awesome but other than that its a beautiful, recycling, pet-friendly, delicious doughnut producing, bike-riding city on the water. I could totally live there because there's decent skiing an hour away! I'd have to find a job though...ugh.

Maybe one of you could move there and I could come stay? Sounds like a good plan.

Next up, Vancouver, Chicago, Disneyland, Brazil, Thailand...who's down?

Here's the link to the news clip I mentioned in my last post. I think I'm in the big group shot but it happens so fast I can't tell.

School Shows Support for Cancer Stricken Teacher

Get Well Soon Mrs. Brown

I witnessed something really great today.

There's a quirky science teacher at my school who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I don't know all the details but I've heard its pretty aggressive and she may be facing a double mastectomy.

Sad stuff. I've subbed in her class when she has had to step out due to an appointments or she felt ill. Her desk was covered with card from students. And the kids would ask with genuine concern how come she wasn't in class.

Today I got to school towards the end of first period. As I walked to my office I encountered a couple of students. A big percentage of the small number I saw were wearing pink. I thought it was just a coincidence until the bell rang and suddenly the halls were filled with pink.

I got into my office and learned that the students had organized this "pink out" all on their own in support of Mrs. Brown. There was no announcement during school, no flyer, nothing. The administration had nothing to do it. In fact the faculty were so far removed from this that I only saw two teachers in pink. The kids had organized it all through text message. I heard one student received the text 22 times! Everyone who got the message was wearing pink. (I didn't get the message :( )

During lunch while I was out wandering around doing my usual crowd control my heart was truly warmed by the kind gesture they were offering their teacher. These kids at times are typical of all kids their age; confused, loud, annoying, unsure of themselves, kinda slow and sometimes inconsiderate. But when it counts they really are good kids. Kind, unselfish, concerned.

There are so many terrible things happening all the time. But when we're boiled down to our most basic parts, we're brothers and sisters, children of God. We know it and want to take care of each other even if we don't recognize it. Today those kids recognized it.

And although I'm not a teacher officially it made me really proud to be an educator. Seeing how much those kids cared. They're worth every second of stress they cause me.

Channel 2 news came and filmed a package. I'll post it as soon as they do.

Karma; thy name is B****

I didn't always have the phenomenal body I'm currently blessed with (not...I'm turning soft and lumpy in all sorts of places). Before "becoming a woman" I was shaped like a barrel. The same thickness from my shoulders to my thighs.

*Oh dear. I'm very sad for my former self.

As you can see I was somewhat of a dancer in my youth before my mother, who knew better, threw me in a swimming pool. I danced for Tracy's Dance Academy. There was another girl in my dance classes who coincidentally was also named Heather. She was also rotund. More so than myself if I'm completely honest. The difference between me and the other Heather was that she was mean. Ruthlessly and irrationally mean. I can't say if it was just to me or to everyone but she was really mean to me. And oddly enough she was mean about my weight and size. Which didn't make any sense as she was a fat girl herself. She teased me mercilessly about being a bigger girl. Poor me. It still stings a little. I remember this exchange particularly clearly:

Mean Heather: Why are you so fat?
Me Heather: *stunned; What?
Mean Heather: Oh its cuz you like to eat huh?
Me Heather: What?

Understandably I have forced these memories Peter Pan deep and have maybe only once thought about what kind of sad person she must be today.

Well, I found out. I currently work at a tutoring center and the other day as I was coming into work I was surprised that the lobby contained three to four similar looking, out of control children who were in the process of tearing the place apart. The door to my boss's office was closed and I figured that the parent(s) of the jungle children must be in a meeting with my boss the director. As I passed the office, I caught a glimpse of the mother. It was her! Mean Heather! My blood ran cold and I just prayed she wouldn't recognize me. About an hour later my boss had finally emerged from her office (the mother had left and come back for something three times before leaving for good) looking like she had been through it.

She had. In one meeting she learned that the woman's name was indeed Heather. She was enrolling her six year old son to be tutored in reading (She was around my age which means she had her first kid around 19!) and that she had at least 3-4 others already. Her husband had some kind of trust fund and she had had lipo-suction, two tummy tucks and was going in for another round of lipo the very next day. During the meeting one of the kids crawled under her desk and turned her computer off. Lovely.

I bravely told my boss of my past with her. Reliving emotions I hadn't felt since being a self-conscious, prepubescent, over-weight girl. My boss put a sympathetic hand on my arm and told me to find comfort in the fact that the woman is a total nut job.

Her kid has been coming for a little while now. He's the kind of kid that hisses at other kids, makes gun noises out of nowhere and talks in a high cartoon voice because he thinks its funny or cute (its not). And to be honest, he's pretty dull. And chubby. I don't teach him a ton but it seems that whenever I'm arriving at work or on my way out the Mean Heather is out of her car wanting to talk about something with my boss. (Mean Heather added my boss as a friend on facebook). I've gotten so close to running into her. I try to just wear my sun glasses and rush past but I'm sure she's recognized me. I get anxiety about going to work now.

Anyway. I may not be the slimmest thing around but I've never had surgery to correct it. And that spare tire around my middle magically turned itself into a great rack. So all's fair right? Right.