Are you listening Universe?

Jillian has suggested to me that if you say out loud (or write) the qualities you would like in a man the Universe, having a wicked and twisted sense of humor, will grant you the opposite. Take my friend Rachelle for example...she always said she would never marry someone who was younger than her nor in the military. She found both those things in the same man that she will wed in August.

So, because my choice has yet to manifest himself I figure I better cover my bases and articulate the things that I DON'T want in such a way that makes me sound like I DO want them in the hopes of tricking the Universe into giving me the perfect man.

It'll probably work.

Listen up Universe!

• I want a man who is short enough that his eyes meet my collar bone.
• Who is skinny enough I could wrap my arms around him twice.
• Who is so young his facial hair is patchy and fuzzy.
• Who doesn't have more than a high school education and has no intention of getting more.
• Who currently doesn't have a job.
• Who spends the time he should be looking for a job playing video games.
• He lives with his parents, of course, due to the lack of job and his mom does all his laundry and ironing.
• He has an on-again/off-again relationship with the gospel.
• He has a problem with porn but tells me he doesn't.
• Will only eat at Burger King and hates fruits and vegetables.
• Wants to live and die within 10 miles of where he was born. And hates to travel.
• Doesn't know where Iraq is on a map.
• Who is either so far to the left or right that you can't discuss any issue with him.
• Loves guns.
• Hates the water.
• Never does any house work.
• Doesn't like kids.
• Asks me for sandwiches.
• etc...etc...etc...

I'll stop there. I wouldn't want anyone to accuse me of being picky.