My apologies for my absence. Sometimes I want to write and sometimes I don't. But at the request of a friend and after a fun trip worth mentioning I feel like writing again.
A quick housekeeping note: I'm going to un-private the private status of W.H.C. I've proved the point I wanted to prove by going private and I get annoyed when blogs I follow don't show up in my reader because they are private. So I'm going public again. Watch for me in your reader.
Ok! Now some fun! This weekend was Fall Break here in UT and way back in June I found cheap airfare to a place I've wanted to go for oh-so-long. SEATTLE! I sent a link to the airfare to six or eight friends thinking that out of those two or three would want to go. Two and three did want to go. And so did five and six. Six of us went to Seattle. So fun.
I found an awesome vacation rental (a condo near downtown) that was so, so perfect.
I don't want to make this a travel log so I'm just going to tell you about my top ten favorite things about it.
1. Pike's Market. This place could probably fill spaces 1-5 actually. I would move to this city just for this place. Endless stalls of produce, seafood, flowers, crafts etc. It was fabulous. I'd see men carrying huge bouquets that I knew they got for super cheap and sigh. I would love to live there just to have a nice young man bring me one of those bouquets one time. Lucky girls.
2. Cooking a fresh salmon filet and roasted veggies that we bought from the market in our condo. 'Nuff said.
3. Sailing on Puget Sound. Sailing is on my bucket list and I got to fulfill it in Seattle. Kind of anyway...I would actually like to help hoist sails and secure the jib and the like but if I never get the opportunity at least I can say that I've been sailing. Also noteworthy: watching the young man who's job it was to hoist sails hoisting sails. What a cutie. Which brings me to #4.
4. This may not be the 4th greatest thing about Seattle but I couldn't pass up such a solid lead in as I gave myself above...The men of Seattle were generally attractive and SINGLE! Meaning they weren't all wearing wedding rings which is what I'm used to. And I don't have a great story to tell of meeting someone or anything...it was just refreshing to get smiled at a couple times. I even got catcalled a couple times which never happens in UT.
5. Fish, chips, chowder, and crab at Ivar's on the pier. Yum.
6. The Seattle Art Museum. I'm a sucker for art museums. Especially when there's a Picasso exhibit in town.
7. The locks and fish ladders connecting Puget Sound and Lake Washington. Nerdy but I love water, boats and wildlife ok?
8. Our tour guide on the Underground tour finding out we were from UT and saying "well you must know the popcorn popping song" and then making us sing it to the rest of the tour.
9. Our new gay friend Johnathan taking us "to the Forest" as directed by his Persian employer in his Volvo on Bainbridge Island. "The Forest" was straight out of a Twilight movie. We expected to see Edward or Jacob come leaping out at us any moment.
10. The city itself. There were a lot of homeless which was not awesome but other than that its a beautiful, recycling, pet-friendly, delicious doughnut producing, bike-riding city on the water. I could totally live there because there's decent skiing an hour away! I'd have to find a job though...ugh.
Maybe one of you could move there and I could come stay? Sounds like a good plan.
Next up, Vancouver, Chicago, Disneyland, Brazil, Thailand...who's down?
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Here's the link to the news clip I mentioned in my last post. I think I'm in the big group shot but it happens so fast I can't tell.
School Shows Support for Cancer Stricken Teacher
School Shows Support for Cancer Stricken Teacher
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Get Well Soon Mrs. Brown
I witnessed something really great today.
There's a quirky science teacher at my school who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I don't know all the details but I've heard its pretty aggressive and she may be facing a double mastectomy.
Sad stuff. I've subbed in her class when she has had to step out due to an appointments or she felt ill. Her desk was covered with card from students. And the kids would ask with genuine concern how come she wasn't in class.
Today I got to school towards the end of first period. As I walked to my office I encountered a couple of students. A big percentage of the small number I saw were wearing pink. I thought it was just a coincidence until the bell rang and suddenly the halls were filled with pink.
I got into my office and learned that the students had organized this "pink out" all on their own in support of Mrs. Brown. There was no announcement during school, no flyer, nothing. The administration had nothing to do it. In fact the faculty were so far removed from this that I only saw two teachers in pink. The kids had organized it all through text message. I heard one student received the text 22 times! Everyone who got the message was wearing pink. (I didn't get the message :( )
During lunch while I was out wandering around doing my usual crowd control my heart was truly warmed by the kind gesture they were offering their teacher. These kids at times are typical of all kids their age; confused, loud, annoying, unsure of themselves, kinda slow and sometimes inconsiderate. But when it counts they really are good kids. Kind, unselfish, concerned.
There are so many terrible things happening all the time. But when we're boiled down to our most basic parts, we're brothers and sisters, children of God. We know it and want to take care of each other even if we don't recognize it. Today those kids recognized it.
And although I'm not a teacher officially it made me really proud to be an educator. Seeing how much those kids cared. They're worth every second of stress they cause me.
Channel 2 news came and filmed a package. I'll post it as soon as they do.
There's a quirky science teacher at my school who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I don't know all the details but I've heard its pretty aggressive and she may be facing a double mastectomy.
Sad stuff. I've subbed in her class when she has had to step out due to an appointments or she felt ill. Her desk was covered with card from students. And the kids would ask with genuine concern how come she wasn't in class.
Today I got to school towards the end of first period. As I walked to my office I encountered a couple of students. A big percentage of the small number I saw were wearing pink. I thought it was just a coincidence until the bell rang and suddenly the halls were filled with pink.
I got into my office and learned that the students had organized this "pink out" all on their own in support of Mrs. Brown. There was no announcement during school, no flyer, nothing. The administration had nothing to do it. In fact the faculty were so far removed from this that I only saw two teachers in pink. The kids had organized it all through text message. I heard one student received the text 22 times! Everyone who got the message was wearing pink. (I didn't get the message :( )
During lunch while I was out wandering around doing my usual crowd control my heart was truly warmed by the kind gesture they were offering their teacher. These kids at times are typical of all kids their age; confused, loud, annoying, unsure of themselves, kinda slow and sometimes inconsiderate. But when it counts they really are good kids. Kind, unselfish, concerned.
There are so many terrible things happening all the time. But when we're boiled down to our most basic parts, we're brothers and sisters, children of God. We know it and want to take care of each other even if we don't recognize it. Today those kids recognized it.
And although I'm not a teacher officially it made me really proud to be an educator. Seeing how much those kids cared. They're worth every second of stress they cause me.
Channel 2 news came and filmed a package. I'll post it as soon as they do.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Karma; thy name is B****
I didn't always have the phenomenal body I'm currently blessed with (not...I'm turning soft and lumpy in all sorts of places). Before "becoming a woman" I was shaped like a barrel. The same thickness from my shoulders to my thighs.
*Oh dear. I'm very sad for my former self.
Well, I found out. I currently work at a tutoring center and the other day as I was coming into work I was surprised that the lobby contained three to four similar looking, out of control children who were in the process of tearing the place apart. The door to my boss's office was closed and I figured that the parent(s) of the jungle children must be in a meeting with my boss the director. As I passed the office, I caught a glimpse of the mother. It was her! Mean Heather! My blood ran cold and I just prayed she wouldn't recognize me. About an hour later my boss had finally emerged from her office (the mother had left and come back for something three times before leaving for good) looking like she had been through it.
She had. In one meeting she learned that the woman's name was indeed Heather. She was enrolling her six year old son to be tutored in reading (She was around my age which means she had her first kid around 19!) and that she had at least 3-4 others already. Her husband had some kind of trust fund and she had had lipo-suction, two tummy tucks and was going in for another round of lipo the very next day. During the meeting one of the kids crawled under her desk and turned her computer off. Lovely.
I bravely told my boss of my past with her. Reliving emotions I hadn't felt since being a self-conscious, prepubescent, over-weight girl. My boss put a sympathetic hand on my arm and told me to find comfort in the fact that the woman is a total nut job.
Her kid has been coming for a little while now. He's the kind of kid that hisses at other kids, makes gun noises out of nowhere and talks in a high cartoon voice because he thinks its funny or cute (its not). And to be honest, he's pretty dull. And chubby. I don't teach him a ton but it seems that whenever I'm arriving at work or on my way out the Mean Heather is out of her car wanting to talk about something with my boss. (Mean Heather added my boss as a friend on facebook). I've gotten so close to running into her. I try to just wear my sun glasses and rush past but I'm sure she's recognized me. I get anxiety about going to work now.
Anyway. I may not be the slimmest thing around but I've never had surgery to correct it. And that spare tire around my middle magically turned itself into a great rack. So all's fair right? Right.
*Oh dear. I'm very sad for my former self.
As you can see I was somewhat of a dancer in my youth before my mother, who knew better, threw me in a swimming pool. I danced for Tracy's Dance Academy. There was another girl in my dance classes who coincidentally was also named Heather. She was also rotund. More so than myself if I'm completely honest. The difference between me and the other Heather was that she was mean. Ruthlessly and irrationally mean. I can't say if it was just to me or to everyone but she was really mean to me. And oddly enough she was mean about my weight and size. Which didn't make any sense as she was a fat girl herself. She teased me mercilessly about being a bigger girl. Poor me. It still stings a little. I remember this exchange particularly clearly:
Mean Heather: Why are you so fat?
Me Heather: *stunned; What?
Mean Heather: Oh its cuz you like to eat huh?
Me Heather: What?
Understandably I have forced these memories Peter Pan deep and have maybe only once thought about what kind of sad person she must be today.
Mean Heather: Why are you so fat?
Me Heather: *stunned; What?
Mean Heather: Oh its cuz you like to eat huh?
Me Heather: What?
Understandably I have forced these memories Peter Pan deep and have maybe only once thought about what kind of sad person she must be today.
Well, I found out. I currently work at a tutoring center and the other day as I was coming into work I was surprised that the lobby contained three to four similar looking, out of control children who were in the process of tearing the place apart. The door to my boss's office was closed and I figured that the parent(s) of the jungle children must be in a meeting with my boss the director. As I passed the office, I caught a glimpse of the mother. It was her! Mean Heather! My blood ran cold and I just prayed she wouldn't recognize me. About an hour later my boss had finally emerged from her office (the mother had left and come back for something three times before leaving for good) looking like she had been through it.
She had. In one meeting she learned that the woman's name was indeed Heather. She was enrolling her six year old son to be tutored in reading (She was around my age which means she had her first kid around 19!) and that she had at least 3-4 others already. Her husband had some kind of trust fund and she had had lipo-suction, two tummy tucks and was going in for another round of lipo the very next day. During the meeting one of the kids crawled under her desk and turned her computer off. Lovely.
I bravely told my boss of my past with her. Reliving emotions I hadn't felt since being a self-conscious, prepubescent, over-weight girl. My boss put a sympathetic hand on my arm and told me to find comfort in the fact that the woman is a total nut job.
Her kid has been coming for a little while now. He's the kind of kid that hisses at other kids, makes gun noises out of nowhere and talks in a high cartoon voice because he thinks its funny or cute (its not). And to be honest, he's pretty dull. And chubby. I don't teach him a ton but it seems that whenever I'm arriving at work or on my way out the Mean Heather is out of her car wanting to talk about something with my boss. (Mean Heather added my boss as a friend on facebook). I've gotten so close to running into her. I try to just wear my sun glasses and rush past but I'm sure she's recognized me. I get anxiety about going to work now.
Anyway. I may not be the slimmest thing around but I've never had surgery to correct it. And that spare tire around my middle magically turned itself into a great rack. So all's fair right? Right.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Already!?!?
I've been noticing more and more gray hairs around my temples and in my hair line lately.
Also recently my eyesight doesn't seem to be as sharp as it used to be.
Somebody bury me already.
Also recently my eyesight doesn't seem to be as sharp as it used to be.
Somebody bury me already.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Compassion for those who struggle or, What I have in common with a gay man.
This morning I read this article.
If you are a member of the church I strongly recommend you read it. If you don't read it here's the gist. Its was written in 2004 (before the gay marriage thing had heated up to a point that it has now. The church is so smart), by a member of the church who deals with same-sex attraction.
I have a hard time when it comes to the issue of gay rights. I know that homosexuality doesn't have a place in our Father's plan (neither does the state of being single though) but it seems un-American and also against our Father's plan to deny people the right to live the way they want to. But that's another post altogether.
The article surprised me. Not because of what he revealed about living as a member of the church dealing with same-sex attraction but because I realized I had two things in common with him. 1. That up to this point, I "do not fully experience the joys of family life" and 2. "We all have need to repent".
Being a single adult in the church is hard. Its awkward. The Lord did not mean for us to be this way. Its like being in a wheel chair at a dance. Everyone sees you in the wheel chair, they sympathize with you, they wish you could join but you can't, you're in a wheel chair, and the dance continues. For some (I won't point fingers) being single is a choice. Maybe not a conscious one but a choice nonetheless. For me it is not a choice. Maybe I've made some wrong moves or missteps or missed an unrecognized opportunity, that have kept me from marriage but as far as I can tell I am doing all I can to "fully experience the joys of family life". And yet it eludes me because of circumstances I have no control over. In this way I sympathize with this member who experiences same-sex attraction. He has a strong testimony of the gospel. This is clear. But it never occurred to me the sorrow they experience (just like me) for not being able to join in the dance. They didn't choose this for themselves. They would change it if they could.
In the article he describes that his same-sex attraction is not a choice...temptation is not a choice. And its wrong to see someone who deals with that temptation as a transgressor. I don't think we do it with any other kind of temptation. We don't condemn an alcoholic just for wanting a drink. We sympathize with the struggle.
The author says:
"Some may be gripped by other temptations—alcohol, tobacco, pornography, gambling, or other serious sins. If not tempted by major transgression, we all nevertheless are tempted every day. And we do not think people facing large or small temptations are immoral just because they are tempted. Elder Oaks reminds us: “We should always distinguish between sinful acts and inappropriate feelings or potentially dangerous susceptibilities. We should reach out lovingly to those who are struggling to resist temptation."
With this he reminded me of the second thing I found I had in common with him. We are all tempted. We all have need to repent. We all require Christ's Atonement. To pick and choose which temptations we will be accepting of and which we won't is the opposite of being a disciple.
At the end of the article he suggests what members of the church can do to help saints who are suffering in this way: fellowship them. The hardest part about not having a companion with which to fully live the gospel is the loneliness. If you're in a wheelchair...you're far less likely to attend the dance in the first place.
The last thing I wanted to mention was the paragraph where he explains that the doctrine of agency contradicts the explanation that same-sex attraction is the result of biological or physiological causes. Once we reach the age (or condition) of accountability "I was born that way" is no longer an acceptable excuse. I was born wanting to sit around watching 30 Rock and eating muddy buddies. That doesn't make it ok.
*note 1: I realize that the comparisons between same-sex attraction and single-ness don't extend very far...but reading the article I couldn't believe how much I could relate with the struggle as a single person.
*note 2: I realize that comparing being single with having a disability is less than desirable...and if a married person made that comparison I'd probably lose it with them...the metaphor, however, works.
*note 3: I referred to the author as a him. This was an assumption. It could just as easily be a her.
If you are a member of the church I strongly recommend you read it. If you don't read it here's the gist. Its was written in 2004 (before the gay marriage thing had heated up to a point that it has now. The church is so smart), by a member of the church who deals with same-sex attraction.
I have a hard time when it comes to the issue of gay rights. I know that homosexuality doesn't have a place in our Father's plan (neither does the state of being single though) but it seems un-American and also against our Father's plan to deny people the right to live the way they want to. But that's another post altogether.
The article surprised me. Not because of what he revealed about living as a member of the church dealing with same-sex attraction but because I realized I had two things in common with him. 1. That up to this point, I "do not fully experience the joys of family life" and 2. "We all have need to repent".
Being a single adult in the church is hard. Its awkward. The Lord did not mean for us to be this way. Its like being in a wheel chair at a dance. Everyone sees you in the wheel chair, they sympathize with you, they wish you could join but you can't, you're in a wheel chair, and the dance continues. For some (I won't point fingers) being single is a choice. Maybe not a conscious one but a choice nonetheless. For me it is not a choice. Maybe I've made some wrong moves or missteps or missed an unrecognized opportunity, that have kept me from marriage but as far as I can tell I am doing all I can to "fully experience the joys of family life". And yet it eludes me because of circumstances I have no control over. In this way I sympathize with this member who experiences same-sex attraction. He has a strong testimony of the gospel. This is clear. But it never occurred to me the sorrow they experience (just like me) for not being able to join in the dance. They didn't choose this for themselves. They would change it if they could.
In the article he describes that his same-sex attraction is not a choice...temptation is not a choice. And its wrong to see someone who deals with that temptation as a transgressor. I don't think we do it with any other kind of temptation. We don't condemn an alcoholic just for wanting a drink. We sympathize with the struggle.
The author says:
"Some may be gripped by other temptations—alcohol, tobacco, pornography, gambling, or other serious sins. If not tempted by major transgression, we all nevertheless are tempted every day. And we do not think people facing large or small temptations are immoral just because they are tempted. Elder Oaks reminds us: “We should always distinguish between sinful acts and inappropriate feelings or potentially dangerous susceptibilities. We should reach out lovingly to those who are struggling to resist temptation."
With this he reminded me of the second thing I found I had in common with him. We are all tempted. We all have need to repent. We all require Christ's Atonement. To pick and choose which temptations we will be accepting of and which we won't is the opposite of being a disciple.
At the end of the article he suggests what members of the church can do to help saints who are suffering in this way: fellowship them. The hardest part about not having a companion with which to fully live the gospel is the loneliness. If you're in a wheelchair...you're far less likely to attend the dance in the first place.
The last thing I wanted to mention was the paragraph where he explains that the doctrine of agency contradicts the explanation that same-sex attraction is the result of biological or physiological causes. Once we reach the age (or condition) of accountability "I was born that way" is no longer an acceptable excuse. I was born wanting to sit around watching 30 Rock and eating muddy buddies. That doesn't make it ok.
*note 1: I realize that the comparisons between same-sex attraction and single-ness don't extend very far...but reading the article I couldn't believe how much I could relate with the struggle as a single person.
*note 2: I realize that comparing being single with having a disability is less than desirable...and if a married person made that comparison I'd probably lose it with them...the metaphor, however, works.
*note 3: I referred to the author as a him. This was an assumption. It could just as easily be a her.
Monday, August 2, 2010
100 Kinds of Crazy
Something has happened recently that has taken me from being the calm, cool, logical, not hysterical Heather you all know to being a crazy, irrational, unconfident, ultra-female version of myself. What could have caused this drastic and extremely irritating change?
His name is Jake.
Its making me so crazy that I'm blogging about it. BLOGGING, PEOPLE! I'm trying so hard to keep the crazy inside but I'm failing. And I'm failing because I'm so confused.
Here are the facts:
We were introduced online. We began to exchange emails. Which is a perfect way for someone to get to know me (beside an actual date of course) because I'm a good writer and I'm terrible on the phone. We made for really good correspondents (even though it was email and not real mail isn't there something kind of romantic about that?). He was funny, I was charming and I was very confident there was a high degree of mutual enjoyment.
As much as I was loving exchanging electronic mail with him...I didn't want an adult pen pal. So after a month and a half I began wondering if he was ever going to ask me out. Finally he did. We went. It was fantastic.
Best (only) date I've had in a long time. Maybe ever. It was just dinner which was perfect. I've gotten to an age where I no longer find going paint balling or mini golfing fun. Again I felt like we both equally enjoyed ourselves. I had no reason to not hope for a second date.
The day after our date he went out of town with his brothers for a week. I sent the traditional "day-after thank-you" text to which he responded positively and then not surprisingly I didn't hear from him for the rest of his trip.
I know by now you are thinking "So why aren't you married already?" But here's where things get grey.
A week after we went out (after he had gotten home) he engaged me in a gchat. It was friendly. Nothing special. Next morning he sent me a text. I was thrilled. Things were looking up. That night I wrangled him into a gchat. I was appropriately flirty. Nothing too forward or anything. And then....that was it. He's disappeared. Four days ago (after three days of silence) I sent him a casual inside joke kind of text. No response. Its now been a week since I've heard anything from him. I even panicked two days ago and called him. His voice mailbox was full so I couldn't leave a message.
WHAT'S GOING ON? I've imagined everything from him being out of town to having an old girlfriend come back in the picture. Of course my mind naturally assumes its something I did or said or something about me he doesn't like. But the truth is I have no idea. And I can't know. There's nothing more I can do without appearing like the desperate, hysterical crazy girl that I currently feel like I am.
I told my mom that maybe he's the roof top killer. I could be dead.
I just really don't like feeling this way. Whatever it is I just want to know. Knowing is always better than not knowing.
I can't believe I'm so pathetic I just wrote this long blog about it. Somebody help me.
His name is Jake.
Its making me so crazy that I'm blogging about it. BLOGGING, PEOPLE! I'm trying so hard to keep the crazy inside but I'm failing. And I'm failing because I'm so confused.
Here are the facts:
We were introduced online. We began to exchange emails. Which is a perfect way for someone to get to know me (beside an actual date of course) because I'm a good writer and I'm terrible on the phone. We made for really good correspondents (even though it was email and not real mail isn't there something kind of romantic about that?). He was funny, I was charming and I was very confident there was a high degree of mutual enjoyment.
As much as I was loving exchanging electronic mail with him...I didn't want an adult pen pal. So after a month and a half I began wondering if he was ever going to ask me out. Finally he did. We went. It was fantastic.
Best (only) date I've had in a long time. Maybe ever. It was just dinner which was perfect. I've gotten to an age where I no longer find going paint balling or mini golfing fun. Again I felt like we both equally enjoyed ourselves. I had no reason to not hope for a second date.
The day after our date he went out of town with his brothers for a week. I sent the traditional "day-after thank-you" text to which he responded positively and then not surprisingly I didn't hear from him for the rest of his trip.
I know by now you are thinking "So why aren't you married already?" But here's where things get grey.
A week after we went out (after he had gotten home) he engaged me in a gchat. It was friendly. Nothing special. Next morning he sent me a text. I was thrilled. Things were looking up. That night I wrangled him into a gchat. I was appropriately flirty. Nothing too forward or anything. And then....that was it. He's disappeared. Four days ago (after three days of silence) I sent him a casual inside joke kind of text. No response. Its now been a week since I've heard anything from him. I even panicked two days ago and called him. His voice mailbox was full so I couldn't leave a message.
WHAT'S GOING ON? I've imagined everything from him being out of town to having an old girlfriend come back in the picture. Of course my mind naturally assumes its something I did or said or something about me he doesn't like. But the truth is I have no idea. And I can't know. There's nothing more I can do without appearing like the desperate, hysterical crazy girl that I currently feel like I am.
I told my mom that maybe he's the roof top killer. I could be dead.
I just really don't like feeling this way. Whatever it is I just want to know. Knowing is always better than not knowing.
I can't believe I'm so pathetic I just wrote this long blog about it. Somebody help me.
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