I (heart) JM

I realize that to anyone reading this blog who knows me (Sadie) the title of this post is obvious and redundant. I love him for many reasons but this is just one of them*...

Read his March 27, 2008 post titled "From the heart..."

http://www.johnmayer.com/blog

Remember my Valentine's blog and subsequent posts where I tried to say that I think we could all be happy if we stopped thinking about ourselves so much and just lived our lives? Well he said it better here. It's ok to be happy, it's ok to be sad. It's ok to be scared and care about other people and what they think about you. I just hate seeing people who, like he said, act so bada** but one sentence can bring them to tears. Why are they so scared to feel? I'm not excluding myself from this as much as I'd like to make you think that I'm a bada**. My wish for humanity is that we can all be REAL with each other. And to me being real with someone means letting them know that you CARE and their real response would be to care about you. Maybe in a perfect world...which may come sooner rather than later (I bet JM doesn't know that).

I hope this doesn't perpetuate the emo feel of my last post. I'm just a white girl with a lot of heart and free time at work ok?

*I realize that John is a little arrogant and self-indulgent. I still love him in spite of this. I wonder what that says about me.

"But this morning there's a calm I can't explain, rock candy's melted only diamonds now remain." -- John Mayer

And so it goes

I just listended to Billy Joel's "And So it Goes" and it might be the saddest song ever, way beautiful though (how emo of me). The lyrics and melody just spell heartbreak and vulnerability. I love it when you find a song that expresses how you feel when you yourself can't articulate it.

*editor's note: I actually do not feel this way right now at this time in my life. Or at least not to this dramatic extent. I'm in a good place. But I think I could say I have before...

If you want to listen to it I'm sure its on youtube or something. Most I'll do for ye is post the lyrics. So pretty:

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

(Mis)Communication extended edition

Before I blessed the world (i.e. Sadie) by starting this blog I used the "notes" application on Facebook to put down some of my thought/ideas/observations. On November 26, 2007 I posted this:

Oh boy! This is going to be fun! So men and women are different right? And I think that anyone over the age of two can tell you that the differences between us extend to the way we communicate with one another. In fact this might be where we differ the most (or maybe our anatomy? I digress...). For whatever reason the things we mean and the things we say don't always translate across gender (actually I should say 'sex' because I'm referring to biology whereas 'gender' is a socialy constructed concept. I learned that in a bra-burning class). You can pick your favorite reason for this...Women are crazy...Men are stupid...We're hardwired differently...We are motivated and stimulated by different things...Women are complex...Men are simple...Women are emotional messes...Men are neanderthals...All of the above might be true and they might not be...it doesn't matter, we still just sometimes don't get the message. Now I'm not sure if its better to be on one side or the other of this language barrier but for better or worse I'm on the woman side. I speak Woman. I'm trying to learn man-speak and although it seems easy enough sometimes I have a hard time getting it. Maybe it's like Moses' serpent on the staff. Too easy? But I speak woman. I'm capable of telling a two minute incident in twenty minutes and I can just as easily tell the whole story of my day in one look. And because I speak woman I can understand women.

Let me illustrate...A couple of weeks ago I sat down in Sunday School with my former roommate Rachelle Tuttle and two of our male friends. Rachelle noticed my earrings and asked me "Heather, does Emily (my current roommate) have on the same earrings on as you only in red?" My response, "These are Emily's." Rachelle indicated that this was an appropriate response. Our male companions exchanged a look and then one said to me, "But you didn't answer her question." Rachelle and I both responded that yes I did. You see from the fact that Rachelle had noticed Emily's and my earrings I knew that she already knew they were the same...what she really wanted to know was, were the earrings I was wearing mine or did Emily have two of the same pair. I gave Rachelle the answer she was looking for. I answered the question that was being asked.

Here is a counter-illustration:My stepdad is a very smart man. Maybe one of the smartest I know or will ever know. He's very successful in business and has a loving wife and family. He's got a lot going for him. That's why sometimes I can't figure out how he made it all happen when I hear exchanges like this:We went to San Diego for Thanksgiving, my grandparents drove down with us and flew back. After we dropped them off at the airport my twelve year old sister Carly asked "What time does their plane leave?" Dad: "5:30." Carly: "How long is their plane?" Dad: "About 150 ft. long." Oh Dad! Now I know that he was teasing Carly but he didn't try to clarify by telling her that their flight would be two hours. He just answered the question, not the one being asked. The next day my mom asked him how big of bills he had, my dad's response "They're the size that fit in my wallet". Oh Dad!

I don't really know what the point of this is. I do know that when a girl asks her date/husband/boyfriend how she looks, she's not doubting how she looks because she's spent the last hour  doing whatever she can to look her best for you! She thinks she looks good. What she's asking you is does she look good enough to be with you. She's looking for reassurance. Answer the question that is being asked.

I'm just so suprised sometimes that everything works and the world turns. We're all so crazy and dysfunctional that its amazing that anybody ever has any success in human relationships. Seriously! It's a miracle. And I love every second of it. I don't plan on ever having it all figured out but I do hope to make progress in this area. Communication is key. Women are figurative, men are literal. And we're all God's children...The End.

I thought it was pretty sound at the time and I haven't really thought about it since then. But then today my friend Mike must have stumbled on it because he posted this response:

Mike:
I don't know if it's a men vs. woman problem, completely, although I do admit that there is definitely something to be said for that aspect. I submit, however, that there is a barrier between those who CAN and those who CANNOT communicate. I've met many wonderful girls who I communicate just fine with. I've met many other guys who I can communicate well with. However, I've met many other woman AND men who just don't seem to pick up on social cues, or as you put it, Heather, "the question that is being asked."

Are these people stupid? Well, maybe yes, maybe no. Perhaps it is a personality thing: the "question that is being asked" is understood, but the subject of the question decides to not answer, so he/she thus ignores it. Many examples of this can be cited in relationship issues. Maybe the person is just thick. Maybe tactless.

All I know is some people (men & women) can communicate effectively, other can't.

He brought up a point that I had not considered and I responded thus:

Me:
That's true Mike. I failed to consider that. I've had experiences with people who I know are not dumb, I know that they understand what I'm asking but they refuse to answer "the question being asked". And to be perfectly honest I've been that person, and I knew I was being that person. I wish people were more direct and deliberate. (I should probably be careful what I wish for...)

However, I do think that there is a certain percent of the population that is just dense. And like it or not they (man and/or woman) will not pick up what you lay down, smell what you are stepping in etc...

I also would like to point out that in my experience when a man and a woman communicate effectively the results are dynamite. Nothing else compares. When they don't it's whatever the opposite of dynamite is.

Just thought I would share...and thanks Mike for making me reconsider my point.

"If you never say your name out-loud to anyone they can never, ever call you by it." -- Regina Spektor

At-one-ment

"The fundamental principles of our religion are the testimony of the Apostles and Prophets, concerning Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended into heaven; and all other things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it." -- Joseph Smith

He is everything. He is the answer to every question. He makes everything worth it. He is worth everything. I'm so grateful for Him.

Happy Easter

My Writing and Directorial Debut

So this is my very first attempt at movie making and I gotta say I think it turned out pretty well (espcially considering we lost all of our work at one point by neglecting the save button)...I wrote it and directed it and my friend/classmate Sara is responsible for the editing. Thanks to Beckie and Nate who star as our Male and Female Lead (when I asked Beckie if they would be a part of my little project I told her that she should be pretty comfortable with the part as this almost presents her relationship with Nate in real-time. Ha!) couldn't have done it without you guys! And to Mark who does a way good shady face.

I made it for a class to use in a class. Meaning its supposed to be educational and well it is. This video will teach you everything you need to know about chick flics.

So this is What's Happening in my College education currently... Good times.

"They're gonna put me in the movies. They're gonna make a big star out of me. And all I have to do is act naturally." Buck Owens

Stuff white people like

Funny...
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/

"I remeber when you and me, oh how we used to be just good friends, wouldn't give me none when all I wanted was some." -- Jack Johnson

"Fools Like Me"

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.
-- Joyce Kilmer

That's some beautiful imagery.

Spring is coming. It has to.

"And now I'm walking in the park, and all of the birds they dance below me. Maybe when things turn green again, it will be good to say you know me." -- John Mayer

Should I be afraid to go to sleep?

I'm a vivid dreamer. Not always, it kind of cycles. There will be a few weeks where I don't remember dreams and then a few weeks where I sit up shake my head and have to remind myself of what my reality consists of...

So last night I had a dream that I had a baby. Not a super unusual dream for me to have and considering that Sadie is very soon going to issue a child it's understandable that my subconscious might be thinking about babies...Anyway this baby was a little weird. He had very thick very dark hair accompanied by a pretty serious widow's peak. He was cute, I mean, he was a baby, but then it got a little weirder. I tried to nurse him (kind of weird that I dreamed that right?) and he wouldn't nurse. That worried me cause baby's gotta eat. Luckily through some sort of strange dream logic I realized that he woulnd't eat my milk but he could be sustained by my...blood. Not by eating it (that would be really messed up) but by getting it intravenously. And it had to be mine beacuse like my breast milk it contained nutrients and antibodies that other sources couldn't provide. And what's really weird is that I was relieved that I had found a way to feed my baby.

I woke up realizing that I had just dreamed that I had given birth to a vampire. Weirdness Happens in my sub-Consciousness.

"Vampires never have to complain of living a dull circumstance. So lets all pretend that we are undead in turn of the century France" -- The Brobecks

Water, Houston, Cats

I just got back from a quick Spring Break trip to Texas and here is what I've learned:

• Be it ever so humble there seriously is no place like home. I could have had the best time anyone has ever had and I will always be glad to see the valley.
• Texas is FLAT. It drove me crazy not to have any point of reference. After driving around for a bit and passing the same things a couple times I got a feel for how the freeways run and I think that I eventually would be able to use that to get my bearings but there's something unsettleing about not having anything taller than a water tower around you. I felt so exposed and unprotected...like a hurricane or tornado could rip through and destroy everything...
• Humidity not only makes hot days hotter but it also makes cool days cooler. It was sixty and I was freezing. I couldn't warm up. And then I got off the plane in SLC and it was 40 and sunny and I had to take my sweatshirt off. I hate humidity. I perfer the dry heat and dry cold of my desert home. One more reason I'm more like a cactus and less like a rose bush (shoot)
• I've felt that as of late there has been a nationwide movement/awakening to the harm we are doing to our A) health/waistlines B) enviroment. I've gotten the feeling that Americans everywhere are trying to live and eat more healthily and reduce their carbon footprint. I didn't see evidence of either of mentalities reaching the Texan mind. The impression I got was that it's not worth eating if it's not fried and the bigger/nicer the car the better (also there was no functional public transit).
• Texans think they are the coolest people they know. Americans think the same thing of themselves but Texans for some reason think that they invited the idea of being proud of where they are from. They're proud of being proud. To me the reasons they are proud of being a Texan are the same reasons I'm proud to be an American. So why don't they just act like the rest of us?
• Thunderstorms move fast in Texas.
• From an out-of-towners face value look it appears that Houston is made up of strip malls that only contain furniture stores, doughnut shops and 24 hour adult entertainment stores. I don't know if a closer look would prove me wrong.
• Houston is very green. I was suprised. And maybe a littel jealous.
• Yelling "Spring Break 2008" randomly makes yourself and other people around you think you're having an awesome time.
• I love my cousin Kim and I laugh at how we're alike (and not). She's probably the closest thing to a big sister that I have.

So that's what I came away from Texas with. Oh plus two pairs of sunglasses and two shirts. And a piece of crinkled paper from the Bishop's Palace.

"And everybody knows it hurts to grow up, and everybody does." -- Ben Folds