Missionaries in a Foreign Field

Can you believe this guy?! I love my brother so much. He articulated my feelings exactly. How awesome that we are so far away from each other experiencing such different things but feeling exactly the same thing? Here's an excerpt from his last letter:

"when everything in your life is changing, the only thing that really never does is the gospel of Jesus Christ, correct true principles given to us from god to make us happy, repentance, the atonement.the holy ghost is so amazing, our heavenly father is a smart one, I hope to always live my life in such a way where I am very aware and spiritually sensitive to the feelings and promptings I recieve. summer still changes to fall. life is still life, but life with the gospel is so much better.

In the words of the late Jimmy Eat World..."they say that love goes anywhere, in your darkest times it's just enough to know it's there"

thanks for all the love, it makes life a lot easier."

Life is still life but life with the gospel is so much better...How I wish that everyone I care about knew this. The clarity, direction and truth the gospel provides is worth everything else in this life put together.

I'm coming home soon. Strange. I've had such a great summer. Hope you have too.

"I've got a feeling, a feeling deep inside. I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide." -- The Beatles

Fences

Agency
Obedience
Knowledge
Testimony

All these things have been on my mind. I think that I've found that as one increases or decreases so do the others. They reinforce each other. One more reason the gospel is so true.

The more I learn about alternative lifestyles the more I'm sure that the way that I (try to) live is the best. Is that arrogance or confidence?

One thing I'm sure of is that such confidence is not common. Most the people I've met since being in California have very little spiritual confidence. People seem so afraid to attribute the beautiful things of this world to God. Its hard for me to understand that when his presence and hand is so obvious to me.

Would people do some of the things they do if they felt and saw God's love for them and others? I know God loves these people and he wants them to be happy. And that knowledge makes me different.

I miss Haley. It's nice having another testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ around.

Love your life.

Since You've Been Gone

What up my bloggers????

I'm back online. For a moment. I'll probably get pretty regular internet access from now on although facebook is still blocked. But I get the notifications that someone has written on my wall in my email, so its still nice to feel the love. And please email if you can. I don't get cell phone service but if you text or leave a voice mail I'll get back to you when I get a signal.

So here's some things I want to tell you about my summer thus far:

• My Pathfinder is the shiz in California. Haley and I drove into CA from Reno and the first time we stopped was in San Jose for gas. The first thing anyone said to me in CA was "That's a nice car, are you interested in selling it?" This coming from a man driving a giant black truck with huge rims. Then when I drove into camp and met my boss. He said "sweet truck. What year is it? You've kept it in really good condition." So anyone who has ever criticized my car...California loves it and it knows cars better than you.
• Being in the religous minority is different. Haley and I have never hid our beliefs but we don't exactly advertise them. Slowly people caught on though and they have either been curious or not but I think they all think we're pretty cool. We know that they know that we are different but I don't think any of them realize how different we really are.
• At camp, being in the religous minority isn't that bad because the standards that the YMCA asks us to live for the sake of their campers are the standards that Haley and I choose to live everyday. There are some really awesome people out here. Good people.
• People who aren't LDS say the F-word alot.
• Not all people our age who are not LDS drink. Or drink to get drunk. Some don't like it. Some know that its unprofessional and tasteless.
• Some do drink to get drunk though. I've decided that I don't have a problem with people drinking. I have a problem with people drinking irresponsibly. I have a problem with underage drinking and with drunkeness. I don't really view drinking alcohol as a sinful behaviour for those that don't know better (they're not accountable) but when drinking breaks the law, I have a problem.
• Being a lifeguard again is...fun/wierd. There are definitely perks to not being a counselor but I'm kind of in this weird no-man's-land where I'm not a coordinator (in charge with no campers) and I'm not a counselor (not in charge with campers). I'm the lifegaurd (not in charge, no campers). I've been trying to work out a niche for myself and make myself more useful and I think that some have seen that I can be used in more ways than I am. I've started a little swimming lesson skill session that the kids can sign up for and I've been told that they've never really had anything like that going on at the pool.
• Playing capture the flag is fun.
• I don't get as tan as fast in California as I do at home because of the elevation
• The part of CA I'm in is full of hippies. For realsz.
• I'm old. I didn't really think it would be that big of a deal. But at the end of the day I find myself sick of hanging out with 18 year olds who think I'm old enough to be their grandma. I find myself gravitating towards the people in camp who are my age or older (or at least act like it) and a lot of times that is my supervisors and Will.
• Men who are not LDS can be just as charming and persistent as those that are. In fact its ironic because the things that I have found to be lacking in YSA males lately (degrees, jobs, ambition, self-motivation, desire to date) I've found here at my job in California...minus the LDS part. Can't these things exist together?
• I have nasty, nasty roommates who use my stuff and think that they are lesbians.

That's about all I've got for now. I would love to hear from whoever has the time to get in touch with me somehow.

My address is:

Heather Handy

YMCA Camp Campbell

16275 Highway 9

Boulder Creek, CA 95006

"If you love me won't you let me know" -- Coldplay

The Good Fight

Here goes:

I got a little upset in church the other day which is actually the opposite of what you want to happen when you go to church. The reason I got a little mad is because I heard two statments that I'm just plain sick of hearing. The first is the sometimes hollow reassurance that if you do not have the opportunity to marry and have a family in this life, and you desire that, you will have that opportunity in the next life. The second is that the family is under attack by the worst forces in the world. Before I go any further I need to say that I believe both of these principles to be true. I'm just tired of hearing them. And I guess I'm tired of hearing them because I'm a benchwarmer. And I can't say I've ever heard of anyone who is happy warming the bench (ask my brother Michael).

Let's start with the all too common promise that those that are not blessed to recieve the happiness and joy that only comes from family life in this life, if they'll only be patient, they will recieve those blessings in the next life. Why do they keep telling us that?! Are we supposed to be satisfied with that? Are we supposed to use that as an excuse for not getting married? It's like being provided with a safety net or padding all the sharp corners in your house for an infant learning to walk. We have to learn how to do this. Its the most important thing we will ever do! And by being told all the time that its so important and then not to worry if it doesn't happen, because it will...eventually... after you've lived an entire, lonely life longing for it to happen just feels like a contradiction. I'm 23. I'm not worried about not get married yet but when I consider my future I would be a fool not to consider the possibility of not getting married. And I need to be able to live a happy and fulfilled life regardless but stop telling me that its ok if it doesn't happen because it will eventually! It almost starts to feel like they are telling me to plan on not getting married.

It's a little akward being a single person in a plan where the family is central. I'm not mad however because the Church does an excellent of job of providing for the needs of its' memebers. And its all pretty fool proof because even if you're not in a position to build you're own family you're built into one so one way or another everyone gets what they need (but maybe not always what they want, wink). I remember my freshman year my single's ward bishop saying that a single person in the church was like someone in a wheelchair at a dance. The person in the wheelchair is included as best they can be but the dance doesn't stop because one person can't dance. The dance won't stop for anybody or anything (not even a bad DJ which is all too common at a church dance). And that's why the church is true.

Onto my next point which is directly related to the one above: The family is under attack. I believe this with all my heart and it scares me. The greatest joy and comfort I've experienced in this life comes from my family. And to think that that is being destroyed, that millions of people are missing out on the greatest joys this life has to offer is staggering. We as members of the church, who know the truth, have been given the responibility of fighting this battle by creating strong homes where gospel priciples are taught, that are havens from the evils of this world. Here's where I get mad. I can name a solid 20 (if not more) women off the top of my head who want to fight this fight and have yet been given the opportunity to. They're benchwarmers. Plenty of these women are still young and I'm not worried about them but I know other women who may never get the opportunity to get what they want the very most from this life. It seems like such a terrible waste. A waste of love, talent, charity, righteousness. It's like everyone is starving and you have more bread than you need in the next room. Dumb! Think of the righteous generations these women could raise that this world may never see. And then think about all of the children being born in abusive homes, broken homes, homes where parents can't feed them, homes where they will never hear the gospel in. I don't understand. It doesn't make sense to me. Who's fault is this?

Now here's the part where I stand back and I remind myself that I'm this close to being critcal of God. And that would be the stupidest mistake anybody could ever make. I need to remember that He knows all and understands all. He knows what's right for everyone and I should never pretend that I know what's best for myself let alone other people. But why wouldn't He tap into this amazing resouce he created to fight this fight. We're dressed for it, we've been training for it, we've read the rule book. We're ready to play! Put us in coach. I don't understand.

I believe that one of the ways that Satan is destroying the family is by making the Young Single Adults believe that they are fine being single. And I'm really sorry but I gotta lay this on the men. Women indeed play an active role in getting asked out and the courting process but women can only take it so far. At some point it becomes the Preisthood responsibility of a young man to pick up the phone. And to be fair I know men who are fulfilling this responsibility and maybe you feel like you're failing but I promise that if you keep at it you'll eventually find what you are looking for or realize that what you're looking for doesn't exsist and that you are surrounded by young women who would make incredible companions.

My mom says she thinks there should be a place where all Preisthood holders who didn't marry in a timely manner on this Earth should have to sit on a bench for 1,000 years. I just hope that they open their eyes at some point during their eternal life and say "boy wasn't I an idiot!"

And please don't think I don't understand why its hard to get married. I've blogged about it before and I have my own set of issues I've got to work through before I can go there. Its not easy. But was anything worth doing ever easy?

So I guess for now I'll cheer for my team and do my part by warming my section of bench. And try not to get mad at what I hear at church.

"To find somebody you love, you gotta be somebody you love." -- Nada Surf

Birthday Wish List

For my birthday next week I want:

• a water polo ball
• a straw cowboy hat that screams "I'm a redneck from Utah"
• a head lamp
• a hula hoop
• to sit in a lawn chair while watching my friends and family attempt to hula hoop
• to see the new Indiana Jones
• to go to dinner with family
• to bbq with friends
• for the pool to open
• a new crush
• to go boating
• for my car to be registered
• for the AC in my car to work
• for a new car
• $100 to spend at Urban Outfitters
• for gas prices to go down
• to have confidence in a presidentail canidate
• to not fear for our country's future
• to go dancing
• the books I want to be at the library
• the new Coldplay and Jason Mraz
• to be excited I'm turning 23

This may be a lot to ask for but you only turn 23 once.

"We do our time like pennies in a jar. What are we saving for?" -- The Bravery

Youth in Asia

If there was any earthyly power that controlled the life cycles of humans like we do of dogs and cats the ACLU would have a stroke...and sue a lot of people. From spaying and nuetering to euthenasia. As much as some people treat their pets like people (with the sweaters and stuff) at the end of the day they really don't.

I think that we put down animals not for their comfort but for our own. Nobody wants to see a pet they've come to know and love sick, old and in pain so we remove them from our sight. We kind of do the same thing with the elderly by putting them in homes but we would never kill them. We do our best to make them as comfortable as possible but to put them down would be inhumane. But it's considered humane to put down a dog. Strange. I think what it boils down to is that taking care of a sick elderly creature takes time, and we can justify paying someone to do the job for our gradparents but not for pets. And really who would want that job? Animal hospice...hmmmm....Anyway I don't know why I'm devoting any time to this and I'm not trying to be political...when my dog gets old and sick I'm sure I'll have him put down rather than watch him suffer but I'll maybe feel a little guilty knowing that I'm probably doing it more for my own comfort than for his.

"For the joy of human love! Brother, sister, parent, child." -- For the Beauty of the Earth

Dear Logan,

Wow, has it really been five years? The time has flown. Well most of the time. It's been great. Really it has. I don't regret anything we did although I do regret some of the things we didn't get to do. You've treated me well. With you I have grown from adolescence to adulthood (or at least some form of quasi-adulthood). I've experienced my deepest heartache and my most blissfully happy moments with you. My heart has grown and I have a better understanding of the world after all this time.
I'm not sad to go. I feel like I have learned all that I can, or all that I'm willing to learn from you and I feel restless . I need to get away and try something new. I feel too big, or too old for you. I feel like there is something bigger waiting just over the horizon. I don't know what it is but I'm going to go out and meet it rather than sit here and wait for it. I'll miss you. I already do in fact. But you've got to go away to be missed, you know?
It hasn't always been great though. What's with the eternity-long bitter cold winters?...I gotta be real with you and tell you that I can't stand that about you. That's one thing I won't miss.
But just like everything else in life, you only remember the good parts. The sting fades and we'll always have an idealistic memory of the way we were. And knowing my luck whatever I find down the road will probably suck and I'll get super nostalgic for my golden undergrad days. But I've got to find that out for myself...
So before one or the other of us starts to cry I must bid you a heartfelt farewell.

Yours affectionately,

Heather

"Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come" -- The Beatles