If you spend any time on the internet you know that the end of the year means endless "best of 2010" lists. Best movies, tv shows, books, music, celebrity bods etc...
Inspired by one of my favorite bloggers, Linda Holmes I just wanted to share my "Best of 2010" list. In no particular order these are just pop culture type things that made me really happy this year.
So without further ado:
1. This song. Yes the original is unnecessarily profanity laden. But its such a great song. The edited version is just as catchy and satisfying. I love it.
2. This TV show. There is nothing funnier on TV right now. And this is coming from a person who has unabashedly loved 30 Rock since its inception (foreshadow!). The writing is so fresh and never quits. Originally my favorite person to watch was Joel McHale's Jeff Winger (especially if he had his shirt off!) But in the second season my favorite person on that show is Donald Glover who plays Troy Barnes. He's gone from being a one-note dumb jock to really having some depth. Especially in the past couple of episodes. I think I'm in love with him. AND he used to be a writer for 30 Rock which makes him even more awesome and makes me feel less unfaithful to good ol' Liz Lemon.
3. This blog. The satire is golden. My favorite part about it is the way she spells things. I want to be this woman's friend. She gets it. I feel like some people think she's mean...I guess if you look at it that way. My favorite thing is some people think its real and not satire. Unbelievable. I just see it as someone holding a mirror up to a certain demographic in our culture and having a sense of humor about it. We're all like TAMN in someway...that's why its funny.
4. I didn't see too many movies this year but my favorites were: This one, this one and this one. This year I've really recognized and owned my general dislike of most movies. Mostly because of recycled story lines/characters that get SO boring. These movies were not boring.
5. My favorite album of the year was not Kanye West's like the rest of the worlds (although I am liking it. The clean version of course) but this album. I think I listened to it on repeat for the entire month of April. I know most of you will think its really weird but I don't care. Its a much lighter and happier sound than Demon Days but its just as complex. I loved it. I'd recommend Stylo, Rhinestone Eyes and On Melancholy Hill.
6. I love the Food Network and my two favorite chefs are Alton Brown and Ina Garten. I literally want to be Ina when I grow up. And although Alton is super nerdy his recipes are my favorite. Try his meatloaf or granola.
7. I saw a few concerts this year, Regina Spektor, DMB, John Mayer, Ben Folds...But the concert I had the most fun at was Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings. That sixty-something woman wore me out! I've never seen someone have that much fun performing. AND the Dap Kings played the horns on Marc Ronson's Version. Another of my favorite albums.
8. I don't recommend Mad Men to any of my friends really. Its a depressing show with sometimes inappropriate content but its one of the best shows on television. I don't watch dramas but I watch Mad Men. This season they had an episode that featured almost exclusively, my two favorite characters; Don Draper and Peggy Olsen. It was more like a short play than a episode in a series. It might have been the best hour of television this year.
9. I didn't do a ton of reading this year. Well reading of books I should say. I read plenty of stuff online (stupid Wifi and laptop...ruining my love of reading books...) But the best book I read this year was The Help. I was a little disappointed by the ending but it had great narrative voice.
10. This clip. (Advisory: if you don't want to see Tracy Morgan in a white spandex body suit don't click on that link) I don't watch of Jimmy Fallon often but one thing I like about him is he has fun on his show. Genuine. Unabashed fun. Without putting anyone down or being gross like Leno and Letterman. He plays charades and Operation and stuff. Its fun to watch. AND he's got The Roots as his in house band. Pretty cool.
There you have it. Did all those links drive you crazy? I'd be cursing me if I were you.
Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Snapshots
What?! I haven't written since Halloween. Shame on me. Honestly, and I'm not just saying this...I've been really busy. Like maybe busier than I ever have been. Ever.
Now that the hyperbole is over with I just wanted to share a few...snapshots...if you will. And I know, reader, that you will...
1. I'm going to take a break from ordering things online. Last week I ordered a new 'work' swimsuit (an athletic swim suit not a cute hot-tub-with-your-boyfriend swimsuit, you get me?) from Nike.com. A box came from Nike today and I opened it with the anticipation that all packages are opened with to find a...pair of board shorts. Wah-wah. So I call Nike's customer service where I learn that the swimsuit I ordered doesn't exist. It was a figment of the Interweb's imagination that had the same style number as a pair of board shorts. Darn.
I also ordered a totally cool map from a German website in early November. I have yet to receive it. I know that Europe is far away but I'm pretty sure they aren't sending things by boat anymore. So I emailed a nice German man (typing those two words together feels redundant) named Dirk who told me that "It was shipped via DHL as a "Päckchen", which has unfortunately not tracking code". He offered to send me another one...I told him I'd give the original another week. No wonder DHL went out of business in the US (shouts to Molly!)
2. On my way home from work today I was stopped at a light. I glanced at the car to my left which happened to be a shiny red truck of some kind and in the passenger window staring right at me was Santa. Not making this up. The hair, beard, hat, suit. He smiled and waved his sausage fingers, each one bedecked with a gold ring. Needless to say that brought a smile to my face. How great is Christmas?
3. Speaking of Christmas...the start of a relationship feels a lot like Christmas morning. That mix of excitement and anxiety...you're not sure yet if you're getting a Kindle or a paper back John Grisham from a thrift store...
4. The more time I spend with Jr. High School students the more that I'm sure that their brains are broken. In elementary they're still cute and innocent. In high school they're starting to put the pieces together but in Jr. High there's a huge disconnect. And I'm the b-word that has to hold them accountable and try to treat them like functioning human beings. Which they are not. (this is pretty pessimistic...but the two classes I have right now are pretty tough. I'm hopeful that things will get better)
I feel really good right now. Hope you all feel the same.
Loves and Peaces.
Now that the hyperbole is over with I just wanted to share a few...snapshots...if you will. And I know, reader, that you will...
1. I'm going to take a break from ordering things online. Last week I ordered a new 'work' swimsuit (an athletic swim suit not a cute hot-tub-with-your-boyfriend swimsuit, you get me?) from Nike.com. A box came from Nike today and I opened it with the anticipation that all packages are opened with to find a...pair of board shorts. Wah-wah. So I call Nike's customer service where I learn that the swimsuit I ordered doesn't exist. It was a figment of the Interweb's imagination that had the same style number as a pair of board shorts. Darn.
I also ordered a totally cool map from a German website in early November. I have yet to receive it. I know that Europe is far away but I'm pretty sure they aren't sending things by boat anymore. So I emailed a nice German man (typing those two words together feels redundant) named Dirk who told me that "It was shipped via DHL as a "Päckchen", which has unfortunately not tracking code". He offered to send me another one...I told him I'd give the original another week. No wonder DHL went out of business in the US (shouts to Molly!)
2. On my way home from work today I was stopped at a light. I glanced at the car to my left which happened to be a shiny red truck of some kind and in the passenger window staring right at me was Santa. Not making this up. The hair, beard, hat, suit. He smiled and waved his sausage fingers, each one bedecked with a gold ring. Needless to say that brought a smile to my face. How great is Christmas?
3. Speaking of Christmas...the start of a relationship feels a lot like Christmas morning. That mix of excitement and anxiety...you're not sure yet if you're getting a Kindle or a paper back John Grisham from a thrift store...
4. The more time I spend with Jr. High School students the more that I'm sure that their brains are broken. In elementary they're still cute and innocent. In high school they're starting to put the pieces together but in Jr. High there's a huge disconnect. And I'm the b-word that has to hold them accountable and try to treat them like functioning human beings. Which they are not. (this is pretty pessimistic...but the two classes I have right now are pretty tough. I'm hopeful that things will get better)
I feel really good right now. Hope you all feel the same.
Loves and Peaces.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Need a laugh?
Here's two for you:
This past Halloweekend I went to a dance party with two friends. I don't love dressing up and was secretly hoping to fly under the party radar this year so I wouldn't have to come up with a costume.
Thankfully at the 11th hour my friend Brit insisted I go to her friends party and orchestrated this costume:
Alvin and the Chipmunks in case you live under a rock. It was lazy and low maintenance which was perfect for me. The problem was was that if Jill and I weren't in immediate proximity to Brit aka Alvin it just looked like we were wearing ugly sweaters.
At one point we were separated from Alvin. During a brief pause in the awesome dancing a tall guy dressed as a gangster snowboarder (?) asked us what we were dressed as. I explained the costume and assured him he'd get it if Alvin were around (AAAALLLLVVVIIINNNN!!!). Jill then asked him what he thought we were before we told him. He replied looking at me "a nerd because of the funny glasses" then turned to Jill and said "I thought you were just badly dressed." HA!
On another note. I sang the Chipmunk Christmas song aaaallllll night.
Laugh 2:
I just started teaching one period of Geography at a new school. Its been three days. The kids don't really know me and I don't really know them. Today I mentioned one of the other teachers in the building by name and they were surprised that I already knew some of the other teachers. One of the students came to my defense and said:
"Of course she knows the other teachers. Ms. Handy gets around!"
Um.
Moving on class...
Then later I drew something on the board that accidentally looked exactly like a boob. There was much snickering. So there's that.
Hope everyone is having a great week!
This past Halloweekend I went to a dance party with two friends. I don't love dressing up and was secretly hoping to fly under the party radar this year so I wouldn't have to come up with a costume.
Thankfully at the 11th hour my friend Brit insisted I go to her friends party and orchestrated this costume:
Alvin and the Chipmunks in case you live under a rock. It was lazy and low maintenance which was perfect for me. The problem was was that if Jill and I weren't in immediate proximity to Brit aka Alvin it just looked like we were wearing ugly sweaters.
At one point we were separated from Alvin. During a brief pause in the awesome dancing a tall guy dressed as a gangster snowboarder (?) asked us what we were dressed as. I explained the costume and assured him he'd get it if Alvin were around (AAAALLLLVVVIIINNNN!!!). Jill then asked him what he thought we were before we told him. He replied looking at me "a nerd because of the funny glasses" then turned to Jill and said "I thought you were just badly dressed." HA!
On another note. I sang the Chipmunk Christmas song aaaallllll night.
Laugh 2:
I just started teaching one period of Geography at a new school. Its been three days. The kids don't really know me and I don't really know them. Today I mentioned one of the other teachers in the building by name and they were surprised that I already knew some of the other teachers. One of the students came to my defense and said:
"Of course she knows the other teachers. Ms. Handy gets around!"
Um.
Moving on class...
Then later I drew something on the board that accidentally looked exactly like a boob. There was much snickering. So there's that.
Hope everyone is having a great week!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Meet my friend: Television
With my renewed vigor to blog more I'm going to write a few posts with the theme of "I'm not proud of it, but I'm not too proud to admit it..." Nothing like revealing your flaws to the interwebs eh?
So today's version: I'm not proud of it but I'm not too proud to admit that...I love TV.
I was one of those kids who could tune everything else out to an alarming degree when the television was on. I think my mom worried about my brain turning to mush.
I've always felt some shame over it because growing up my closest friends didn't care much for TV or felt that it was a waste of time, a source of moral decay...etc. Which I'm not going to argue against. Like I said. I'm not proud of it. But I didn't love feeling bad all the time about something I loved.
In college I was always the first (sometimes only) roommate to insist on getting basic cable (I'm talking about fighting for only network stations). The first show that I embraced fully with no shame, and threw a tiny fit if I missed, not caring how shallow it made me look was Alias. I LOVED that show. Eventually I hooked all my roommates and we were all racing home after ward prayer so we didn't miss it. I recall entire weekends shut in devouring whole seasons with friends who had never watched that much TV at once.
When I moved to Ohio TV took on a whole new role in my life. Before I made friends with K and T and a few others, Will was my best friend. But if he was unavailable my only other companion was TV. And I had a DVR which was a first for me. That DVR took my TV watching to a whole new level. I still miss it sometimes.
It bothers me when people have a holier-than-thou attitude about watching TV. Like they are too good for it or have so many other better things to be doing. I would argue that just because you can't see the merits in it doesn't mean there aren't any. If you really don't like to watch TV fair enough. But don't look down on me because I do. Humans have always sought entertainment...oral story tellers, theater, literature, movies and within the last century the most accessible and diverse form of all, television (which was invented by a Utahan by the way).
Today, I admit to it as a part of who I am. I am a TV watcher. I could live without it but I don't want to. I have shows I follow that I look forward to seeing every week. I even love reading about what I watch on TV. I'd like to think that if I eliminated TV from my life I could accomplish great things but the truth is I'd probably just find some other way to waste my time.
So here's to you TV, my loyal companion, and the many hours we will share in the future.
K now I actually feel a little pathetic.
So today's version: I'm not proud of it but I'm not too proud to admit that...I love TV.
I was one of those kids who could tune everything else out to an alarming degree when the television was on. I think my mom worried about my brain turning to mush.
I've always felt some shame over it because growing up my closest friends didn't care much for TV or felt that it was a waste of time, a source of moral decay...etc. Which I'm not going to argue against. Like I said. I'm not proud of it. But I didn't love feeling bad all the time about something I loved.
In college I was always the first (sometimes only) roommate to insist on getting basic cable (I'm talking about fighting for only network stations). The first show that I embraced fully with no shame, and threw a tiny fit if I missed, not caring how shallow it made me look was Alias. I LOVED that show. Eventually I hooked all my roommates and we were all racing home after ward prayer so we didn't miss it. I recall entire weekends shut in devouring whole seasons with friends who had never watched that much TV at once.
When I moved to Ohio TV took on a whole new role in my life. Before I made friends with K and T and a few others, Will was my best friend. But if he was unavailable my only other companion was TV. And I had a DVR which was a first for me. That DVR took my TV watching to a whole new level. I still miss it sometimes.
It bothers me when people have a holier-than-thou attitude about watching TV. Like they are too good for it or have so many other better things to be doing. I would argue that just because you can't see the merits in it doesn't mean there aren't any. If you really don't like to watch TV fair enough. But don't look down on me because I do. Humans have always sought entertainment...oral story tellers, theater, literature, movies and within the last century the most accessible and diverse form of all, television (which was invented by a Utahan by the way).
Today, I admit to it as a part of who I am. I am a TV watcher. I could live without it but I don't want to. I have shows I follow that I look forward to seeing every week. I even love reading about what I watch on TV. I'd like to think that if I eliminated TV from my life I could accomplish great things but the truth is I'd probably just find some other way to waste my time.
So here's to you TV, my loyal companion, and the many hours we will share in the future.
K now I actually feel a little pathetic.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Seattle Top 10
My apologies for my absence. Sometimes I want to write and sometimes I don't. But at the request of a friend and after a fun trip worth mentioning I feel like writing again.
A quick housekeeping note: I'm going to un-private the private status of W.H.C. I've proved the point I wanted to prove by going private and I get annoyed when blogs I follow don't show up in my reader because they are private. So I'm going public again. Watch for me in your reader.
Ok! Now some fun! This weekend was Fall Break here in UT and way back in June I found cheap airfare to a place I've wanted to go for oh-so-long. SEATTLE! I sent a link to the airfare to six or eight friends thinking that out of those two or three would want to go. Two and three did want to go. And so did five and six. Six of us went to Seattle. So fun.
I found an awesome vacation rental (a condo near downtown) that was so, so perfect.
I don't want to make this a travel log so I'm just going to tell you about my top ten favorite things about it.
1. Pike's Market. This place could probably fill spaces 1-5 actually. I would move to this city just for this place. Endless stalls of produce, seafood, flowers, crafts etc. It was fabulous. I'd see men carrying huge bouquets that I knew they got for super cheap and sigh. I would love to live there just to have a nice young man bring me one of those bouquets one time. Lucky girls.
2. Cooking a fresh salmon filet and roasted veggies that we bought from the market in our condo. 'Nuff said.
3. Sailing on Puget Sound. Sailing is on my bucket list and I got to fulfill it in Seattle. Kind of anyway...I would actually like to help hoist sails and secure the jib and the like but if I never get the opportunity at least I can say that I've been sailing. Also noteworthy: watching the young man who's job it was to hoist sails hoisting sails. What a cutie. Which brings me to #4.
4. This may not be the 4th greatest thing about Seattle but I couldn't pass up such a solid lead in as I gave myself above...The men of Seattle were generally attractive and SINGLE! Meaning they weren't all wearing wedding rings which is what I'm used to. And I don't have a great story to tell of meeting someone or anything...it was just refreshing to get smiled at a couple times. I even got catcalled a couple times which never happens in UT.
5. Fish, chips, chowder, and crab at Ivar's on the pier. Yum.
6. The Seattle Art Museum. I'm a sucker for art museums. Especially when there's a Picasso exhibit in town.
7. The locks and fish ladders connecting Puget Sound and Lake Washington. Nerdy but I love water, boats and wildlife ok?
8. Our tour guide on the Underground tour finding out we were from UT and saying "well you must know the popcorn popping song" and then making us sing it to the rest of the tour.
9. Our new gay friend Johnathan taking us "to the Forest" as directed by his Persian employer in his Volvo on Bainbridge Island. "The Forest" was straight out of a Twilight movie. We expected to see Edward or Jacob come leaping out at us any moment.
10. The city itself. There were a lot of homeless which was not awesome but other than that its a beautiful, recycling, pet-friendly, delicious doughnut producing, bike-riding city on the water. I could totally live there because there's decent skiing an hour away! I'd have to find a job though...ugh.
Maybe one of you could move there and I could come stay? Sounds like a good plan.
Next up, Vancouver, Chicago, Disneyland, Brazil, Thailand...who's down?
A quick housekeeping note: I'm going to un-private the private status of W.H.C. I've proved the point I wanted to prove by going private and I get annoyed when blogs I follow don't show up in my reader because they are private. So I'm going public again. Watch for me in your reader.
Ok! Now some fun! This weekend was Fall Break here in UT and way back in June I found cheap airfare to a place I've wanted to go for oh-so-long. SEATTLE! I sent a link to the airfare to six or eight friends thinking that out of those two or three would want to go. Two and three did want to go. And so did five and six. Six of us went to Seattle. So fun.
I found an awesome vacation rental (a condo near downtown) that was so, so perfect.
I don't want to make this a travel log so I'm just going to tell you about my top ten favorite things about it.
1. Pike's Market. This place could probably fill spaces 1-5 actually. I would move to this city just for this place. Endless stalls of produce, seafood, flowers, crafts etc. It was fabulous. I'd see men carrying huge bouquets that I knew they got for super cheap and sigh. I would love to live there just to have a nice young man bring me one of those bouquets one time. Lucky girls.
2. Cooking a fresh salmon filet and roasted veggies that we bought from the market in our condo. 'Nuff said.
3. Sailing on Puget Sound. Sailing is on my bucket list and I got to fulfill it in Seattle. Kind of anyway...I would actually like to help hoist sails and secure the jib and the like but if I never get the opportunity at least I can say that I've been sailing. Also noteworthy: watching the young man who's job it was to hoist sails hoisting sails. What a cutie. Which brings me to #4.
4. This may not be the 4th greatest thing about Seattle but I couldn't pass up such a solid lead in as I gave myself above...The men of Seattle were generally attractive and SINGLE! Meaning they weren't all wearing wedding rings which is what I'm used to. And I don't have a great story to tell of meeting someone or anything...it was just refreshing to get smiled at a couple times. I even got catcalled a couple times which never happens in UT.
5. Fish, chips, chowder, and crab at Ivar's on the pier. Yum.
6. The Seattle Art Museum. I'm a sucker for art museums. Especially when there's a Picasso exhibit in town.
7. The locks and fish ladders connecting Puget Sound and Lake Washington. Nerdy but I love water, boats and wildlife ok?
8. Our tour guide on the Underground tour finding out we were from UT and saying "well you must know the popcorn popping song" and then making us sing it to the rest of the tour.
9. Our new gay friend Johnathan taking us "to the Forest" as directed by his Persian employer in his Volvo on Bainbridge Island. "The Forest" was straight out of a Twilight movie. We expected to see Edward or Jacob come leaping out at us any moment.
10. The city itself. There were a lot of homeless which was not awesome but other than that its a beautiful, recycling, pet-friendly, delicious doughnut producing, bike-riding city on the water. I could totally live there because there's decent skiing an hour away! I'd have to find a job though...ugh.
Maybe one of you could move there and I could come stay? Sounds like a good plan.
Next up, Vancouver, Chicago, Disneyland, Brazil, Thailand...who's down?
Friday, September 17, 2010
Here's the link to the news clip I mentioned in my last post. I think I'm in the big group shot but it happens so fast I can't tell.
School Shows Support for Cancer Stricken Teacher
School Shows Support for Cancer Stricken Teacher
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Get Well Soon Mrs. Brown
I witnessed something really great today.
There's a quirky science teacher at my school who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I don't know all the details but I've heard its pretty aggressive and she may be facing a double mastectomy.
Sad stuff. I've subbed in her class when she has had to step out due to an appointments or she felt ill. Her desk was covered with card from students. And the kids would ask with genuine concern how come she wasn't in class.
Today I got to school towards the end of first period. As I walked to my office I encountered a couple of students. A big percentage of the small number I saw were wearing pink. I thought it was just a coincidence until the bell rang and suddenly the halls were filled with pink.
I got into my office and learned that the students had organized this "pink out" all on their own in support of Mrs. Brown. There was no announcement during school, no flyer, nothing. The administration had nothing to do it. In fact the faculty were so far removed from this that I only saw two teachers in pink. The kids had organized it all through text message. I heard one student received the text 22 times! Everyone who got the message was wearing pink. (I didn't get the message :( )
During lunch while I was out wandering around doing my usual crowd control my heart was truly warmed by the kind gesture they were offering their teacher. These kids at times are typical of all kids their age; confused, loud, annoying, unsure of themselves, kinda slow and sometimes inconsiderate. But when it counts they really are good kids. Kind, unselfish, concerned.
There are so many terrible things happening all the time. But when we're boiled down to our most basic parts, we're brothers and sisters, children of God. We know it and want to take care of each other even if we don't recognize it. Today those kids recognized it.
And although I'm not a teacher officially it made me really proud to be an educator. Seeing how much those kids cared. They're worth every second of stress they cause me.
Channel 2 news came and filmed a package. I'll post it as soon as they do.
There's a quirky science teacher at my school who has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. I don't know all the details but I've heard its pretty aggressive and she may be facing a double mastectomy.
Sad stuff. I've subbed in her class when she has had to step out due to an appointments or she felt ill. Her desk was covered with card from students. And the kids would ask with genuine concern how come she wasn't in class.
Today I got to school towards the end of first period. As I walked to my office I encountered a couple of students. A big percentage of the small number I saw were wearing pink. I thought it was just a coincidence until the bell rang and suddenly the halls were filled with pink.
I got into my office and learned that the students had organized this "pink out" all on their own in support of Mrs. Brown. There was no announcement during school, no flyer, nothing. The administration had nothing to do it. In fact the faculty were so far removed from this that I only saw two teachers in pink. The kids had organized it all through text message. I heard one student received the text 22 times! Everyone who got the message was wearing pink. (I didn't get the message :( )
During lunch while I was out wandering around doing my usual crowd control my heart was truly warmed by the kind gesture they were offering their teacher. These kids at times are typical of all kids their age; confused, loud, annoying, unsure of themselves, kinda slow and sometimes inconsiderate. But when it counts they really are good kids. Kind, unselfish, concerned.
There are so many terrible things happening all the time. But when we're boiled down to our most basic parts, we're brothers and sisters, children of God. We know it and want to take care of each other even if we don't recognize it. Today those kids recognized it.
And although I'm not a teacher officially it made me really proud to be an educator. Seeing how much those kids cared. They're worth every second of stress they cause me.
Channel 2 news came and filmed a package. I'll post it as soon as they do.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Karma; thy name is B****
I didn't always have the phenomenal body I'm currently blessed with (not...I'm turning soft and lumpy in all sorts of places). Before "becoming a woman" I was shaped like a barrel. The same thickness from my shoulders to my thighs.
*Oh dear. I'm very sad for my former self.
Well, I found out. I currently work at a tutoring center and the other day as I was coming into work I was surprised that the lobby contained three to four similar looking, out of control children who were in the process of tearing the place apart. The door to my boss's office was closed and I figured that the parent(s) of the jungle children must be in a meeting with my boss the director. As I passed the office, I caught a glimpse of the mother. It was her! Mean Heather! My blood ran cold and I just prayed she wouldn't recognize me. About an hour later my boss had finally emerged from her office (the mother had left and come back for something three times before leaving for good) looking like she had been through it.
She had. In one meeting she learned that the woman's name was indeed Heather. She was enrolling her six year old son to be tutored in reading (She was around my age which means she had her first kid around 19!) and that she had at least 3-4 others already. Her husband had some kind of trust fund and she had had lipo-suction, two tummy tucks and was going in for another round of lipo the very next day. During the meeting one of the kids crawled under her desk and turned her computer off. Lovely.
I bravely told my boss of my past with her. Reliving emotions I hadn't felt since being a self-conscious, prepubescent, over-weight girl. My boss put a sympathetic hand on my arm and told me to find comfort in the fact that the woman is a total nut job.
Her kid has been coming for a little while now. He's the kind of kid that hisses at other kids, makes gun noises out of nowhere and talks in a high cartoon voice because he thinks its funny or cute (its not). And to be honest, he's pretty dull. And chubby. I don't teach him a ton but it seems that whenever I'm arriving at work or on my way out the Mean Heather is out of her car wanting to talk about something with my boss. (Mean Heather added my boss as a friend on facebook). I've gotten so close to running into her. I try to just wear my sun glasses and rush past but I'm sure she's recognized me. I get anxiety about going to work now.
Anyway. I may not be the slimmest thing around but I've never had surgery to correct it. And that spare tire around my middle magically turned itself into a great rack. So all's fair right? Right.
*Oh dear. I'm very sad for my former self.
As you can see I was somewhat of a dancer in my youth before my mother, who knew better, threw me in a swimming pool. I danced for Tracy's Dance Academy. There was another girl in my dance classes who coincidentally was also named Heather. She was also rotund. More so than myself if I'm completely honest. The difference between me and the other Heather was that she was mean. Ruthlessly and irrationally mean. I can't say if it was just to me or to everyone but she was really mean to me. And oddly enough she was mean about my weight and size. Which didn't make any sense as she was a fat girl herself. She teased me mercilessly about being a bigger girl. Poor me. It still stings a little. I remember this exchange particularly clearly:
Mean Heather: Why are you so fat?
Me Heather: *stunned; What?
Mean Heather: Oh its cuz you like to eat huh?
Me Heather: What?
Understandably I have forced these memories Peter Pan deep and have maybe only once thought about what kind of sad person she must be today.
Mean Heather: Why are you so fat?
Me Heather: *stunned; What?
Mean Heather: Oh its cuz you like to eat huh?
Me Heather: What?
Understandably I have forced these memories Peter Pan deep and have maybe only once thought about what kind of sad person she must be today.
Well, I found out. I currently work at a tutoring center and the other day as I was coming into work I was surprised that the lobby contained three to four similar looking, out of control children who were in the process of tearing the place apart. The door to my boss's office was closed and I figured that the parent(s) of the jungle children must be in a meeting with my boss the director. As I passed the office, I caught a glimpse of the mother. It was her! Mean Heather! My blood ran cold and I just prayed she wouldn't recognize me. About an hour later my boss had finally emerged from her office (the mother had left and come back for something three times before leaving for good) looking like she had been through it.
She had. In one meeting she learned that the woman's name was indeed Heather. She was enrolling her six year old son to be tutored in reading (She was around my age which means she had her first kid around 19!) and that she had at least 3-4 others already. Her husband had some kind of trust fund and she had had lipo-suction, two tummy tucks and was going in for another round of lipo the very next day. During the meeting one of the kids crawled under her desk and turned her computer off. Lovely.
I bravely told my boss of my past with her. Reliving emotions I hadn't felt since being a self-conscious, prepubescent, over-weight girl. My boss put a sympathetic hand on my arm and told me to find comfort in the fact that the woman is a total nut job.
Her kid has been coming for a little while now. He's the kind of kid that hisses at other kids, makes gun noises out of nowhere and talks in a high cartoon voice because he thinks its funny or cute (its not). And to be honest, he's pretty dull. And chubby. I don't teach him a ton but it seems that whenever I'm arriving at work or on my way out the Mean Heather is out of her car wanting to talk about something with my boss. (Mean Heather added my boss as a friend on facebook). I've gotten so close to running into her. I try to just wear my sun glasses and rush past but I'm sure she's recognized me. I get anxiety about going to work now.
Anyway. I may not be the slimmest thing around but I've never had surgery to correct it. And that spare tire around my middle magically turned itself into a great rack. So all's fair right? Right.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Already!?!?
I've been noticing more and more gray hairs around my temples and in my hair line lately.
Also recently my eyesight doesn't seem to be as sharp as it used to be.
Somebody bury me already.
Also recently my eyesight doesn't seem to be as sharp as it used to be.
Somebody bury me already.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Compassion for those who struggle or, What I have in common with a gay man.
This morning I read this article.
If you are a member of the church I strongly recommend you read it. If you don't read it here's the gist. Its was written in 2004 (before the gay marriage thing had heated up to a point that it has now. The church is so smart), by a member of the church who deals with same-sex attraction.
I have a hard time when it comes to the issue of gay rights. I know that homosexuality doesn't have a place in our Father's plan (neither does the state of being single though) but it seems un-American and also against our Father's plan to deny people the right to live the way they want to. But that's another post altogether.
The article surprised me. Not because of what he revealed about living as a member of the church dealing with same-sex attraction but because I realized I had two things in common with him. 1. That up to this point, I "do not fully experience the joys of family life" and 2. "We all have need to repent".
Being a single adult in the church is hard. Its awkward. The Lord did not mean for us to be this way. Its like being in a wheel chair at a dance. Everyone sees you in the wheel chair, they sympathize with you, they wish you could join but you can't, you're in a wheel chair, and the dance continues. For some (I won't point fingers) being single is a choice. Maybe not a conscious one but a choice nonetheless. For me it is not a choice. Maybe I've made some wrong moves or missteps or missed an unrecognized opportunity, that have kept me from marriage but as far as I can tell I am doing all I can to "fully experience the joys of family life". And yet it eludes me because of circumstances I have no control over. In this way I sympathize with this member who experiences same-sex attraction. He has a strong testimony of the gospel. This is clear. But it never occurred to me the sorrow they experience (just like me) for not being able to join in the dance. They didn't choose this for themselves. They would change it if they could.
In the article he describes that his same-sex attraction is not a choice...temptation is not a choice. And its wrong to see someone who deals with that temptation as a transgressor. I don't think we do it with any other kind of temptation. We don't condemn an alcoholic just for wanting a drink. We sympathize with the struggle.
The author says:
"Some may be gripped by other temptations—alcohol, tobacco, pornography, gambling, or other serious sins. If not tempted by major transgression, we all nevertheless are tempted every day. And we do not think people facing large or small temptations are immoral just because they are tempted. Elder Oaks reminds us: “We should always distinguish between sinful acts and inappropriate feelings or potentially dangerous susceptibilities. We should reach out lovingly to those who are struggling to resist temptation."
With this he reminded me of the second thing I found I had in common with him. We are all tempted. We all have need to repent. We all require Christ's Atonement. To pick and choose which temptations we will be accepting of and which we won't is the opposite of being a disciple.
At the end of the article he suggests what members of the church can do to help saints who are suffering in this way: fellowship them. The hardest part about not having a companion with which to fully live the gospel is the loneliness. If you're in a wheelchair...you're far less likely to attend the dance in the first place.
The last thing I wanted to mention was the paragraph where he explains that the doctrine of agency contradicts the explanation that same-sex attraction is the result of biological or physiological causes. Once we reach the age (or condition) of accountability "I was born that way" is no longer an acceptable excuse. I was born wanting to sit around watching 30 Rock and eating muddy buddies. That doesn't make it ok.
*note 1: I realize that the comparisons between same-sex attraction and single-ness don't extend very far...but reading the article I couldn't believe how much I could relate with the struggle as a single person.
*note 2: I realize that comparing being single with having a disability is less than desirable...and if a married person made that comparison I'd probably lose it with them...the metaphor, however, works.
*note 3: I referred to the author as a him. This was an assumption. It could just as easily be a her.
If you are a member of the church I strongly recommend you read it. If you don't read it here's the gist. Its was written in 2004 (before the gay marriage thing had heated up to a point that it has now. The church is so smart), by a member of the church who deals with same-sex attraction.
I have a hard time when it comes to the issue of gay rights. I know that homosexuality doesn't have a place in our Father's plan (neither does the state of being single though) but it seems un-American and also against our Father's plan to deny people the right to live the way they want to. But that's another post altogether.
The article surprised me. Not because of what he revealed about living as a member of the church dealing with same-sex attraction but because I realized I had two things in common with him. 1. That up to this point, I "do not fully experience the joys of family life" and 2. "We all have need to repent".
Being a single adult in the church is hard. Its awkward. The Lord did not mean for us to be this way. Its like being in a wheel chair at a dance. Everyone sees you in the wheel chair, they sympathize with you, they wish you could join but you can't, you're in a wheel chair, and the dance continues. For some (I won't point fingers) being single is a choice. Maybe not a conscious one but a choice nonetheless. For me it is not a choice. Maybe I've made some wrong moves or missteps or missed an unrecognized opportunity, that have kept me from marriage but as far as I can tell I am doing all I can to "fully experience the joys of family life". And yet it eludes me because of circumstances I have no control over. In this way I sympathize with this member who experiences same-sex attraction. He has a strong testimony of the gospel. This is clear. But it never occurred to me the sorrow they experience (just like me) for not being able to join in the dance. They didn't choose this for themselves. They would change it if they could.
In the article he describes that his same-sex attraction is not a choice...temptation is not a choice. And its wrong to see someone who deals with that temptation as a transgressor. I don't think we do it with any other kind of temptation. We don't condemn an alcoholic just for wanting a drink. We sympathize with the struggle.
The author says:
"Some may be gripped by other temptations—alcohol, tobacco, pornography, gambling, or other serious sins. If not tempted by major transgression, we all nevertheless are tempted every day. And we do not think people facing large or small temptations are immoral just because they are tempted. Elder Oaks reminds us: “We should always distinguish between sinful acts and inappropriate feelings or potentially dangerous susceptibilities. We should reach out lovingly to those who are struggling to resist temptation."
With this he reminded me of the second thing I found I had in common with him. We are all tempted. We all have need to repent. We all require Christ's Atonement. To pick and choose which temptations we will be accepting of and which we won't is the opposite of being a disciple.
At the end of the article he suggests what members of the church can do to help saints who are suffering in this way: fellowship them. The hardest part about not having a companion with which to fully live the gospel is the loneliness. If you're in a wheelchair...you're far less likely to attend the dance in the first place.
The last thing I wanted to mention was the paragraph where he explains that the doctrine of agency contradicts the explanation that same-sex attraction is the result of biological or physiological causes. Once we reach the age (or condition) of accountability "I was born that way" is no longer an acceptable excuse. I was born wanting to sit around watching 30 Rock and eating muddy buddies. That doesn't make it ok.
*note 1: I realize that the comparisons between same-sex attraction and single-ness don't extend very far...but reading the article I couldn't believe how much I could relate with the struggle as a single person.
*note 2: I realize that comparing being single with having a disability is less than desirable...and if a married person made that comparison I'd probably lose it with them...the metaphor, however, works.
*note 3: I referred to the author as a him. This was an assumption. It could just as easily be a her.
Monday, August 2, 2010
100 Kinds of Crazy
Something has happened recently that has taken me from being the calm, cool, logical, not hysterical Heather you all know to being a crazy, irrational, unconfident, ultra-female version of myself. What could have caused this drastic and extremely irritating change?
His name is Jake.
Its making me so crazy that I'm blogging about it. BLOGGING, PEOPLE! I'm trying so hard to keep the crazy inside but I'm failing. And I'm failing because I'm so confused.
Here are the facts:
We were introduced online. We began to exchange emails. Which is a perfect way for someone to get to know me (beside an actual date of course) because I'm a good writer and I'm terrible on the phone. We made for really good correspondents (even though it was email and not real mail isn't there something kind of romantic about that?). He was funny, I was charming and I was very confident there was a high degree of mutual enjoyment.
As much as I was loving exchanging electronic mail with him...I didn't want an adult pen pal. So after a month and a half I began wondering if he was ever going to ask me out. Finally he did. We went. It was fantastic.
Best (only) date I've had in a long time. Maybe ever. It was just dinner which was perfect. I've gotten to an age where I no longer find going paint balling or mini golfing fun. Again I felt like we both equally enjoyed ourselves. I had no reason to not hope for a second date.
The day after our date he went out of town with his brothers for a week. I sent the traditional "day-after thank-you" text to which he responded positively and then not surprisingly I didn't hear from him for the rest of his trip.
I know by now you are thinking "So why aren't you married already?" But here's where things get grey.
A week after we went out (after he had gotten home) he engaged me in a gchat. It was friendly. Nothing special. Next morning he sent me a text. I was thrilled. Things were looking up. That night I wrangled him into a gchat. I was appropriately flirty. Nothing too forward or anything. And then....that was it. He's disappeared. Four days ago (after three days of silence) I sent him a casual inside joke kind of text. No response. Its now been a week since I've heard anything from him. I even panicked two days ago and called him. His voice mailbox was full so I couldn't leave a message.
WHAT'S GOING ON? I've imagined everything from him being out of town to having an old girlfriend come back in the picture. Of course my mind naturally assumes its something I did or said or something about me he doesn't like. But the truth is I have no idea. And I can't know. There's nothing more I can do without appearing like the desperate, hysterical crazy girl that I currently feel like I am.
I told my mom that maybe he's the roof top killer. I could be dead.
I just really don't like feeling this way. Whatever it is I just want to know. Knowing is always better than not knowing.
I can't believe I'm so pathetic I just wrote this long blog about it. Somebody help me.
His name is Jake.
Its making me so crazy that I'm blogging about it. BLOGGING, PEOPLE! I'm trying so hard to keep the crazy inside but I'm failing. And I'm failing because I'm so confused.
Here are the facts:
We were introduced online. We began to exchange emails. Which is a perfect way for someone to get to know me (beside an actual date of course) because I'm a good writer and I'm terrible on the phone. We made for really good correspondents (even though it was email and not real mail isn't there something kind of romantic about that?). He was funny, I was charming and I was very confident there was a high degree of mutual enjoyment.
As much as I was loving exchanging electronic mail with him...I didn't want an adult pen pal. So after a month and a half I began wondering if he was ever going to ask me out. Finally he did. We went. It was fantastic.
Best (only) date I've had in a long time. Maybe ever. It was just dinner which was perfect. I've gotten to an age where I no longer find going paint balling or mini golfing fun. Again I felt like we both equally enjoyed ourselves. I had no reason to not hope for a second date.
The day after our date he went out of town with his brothers for a week. I sent the traditional "day-after thank-you" text to which he responded positively and then not surprisingly I didn't hear from him for the rest of his trip.
I know by now you are thinking "So why aren't you married already?" But here's where things get grey.
A week after we went out (after he had gotten home) he engaged me in a gchat. It was friendly. Nothing special. Next morning he sent me a text. I was thrilled. Things were looking up. That night I wrangled him into a gchat. I was appropriately flirty. Nothing too forward or anything. And then....that was it. He's disappeared. Four days ago (after three days of silence) I sent him a casual inside joke kind of text. No response. Its now been a week since I've heard anything from him. I even panicked two days ago and called him. His voice mailbox was full so I couldn't leave a message.
WHAT'S GOING ON? I've imagined everything from him being out of town to having an old girlfriend come back in the picture. Of course my mind naturally assumes its something I did or said or something about me he doesn't like. But the truth is I have no idea. And I can't know. There's nothing more I can do without appearing like the desperate, hysterical crazy girl that I currently feel like I am.
I told my mom that maybe he's the roof top killer. I could be dead.
I just really don't like feeling this way. Whatever it is I just want to know. Knowing is always better than not knowing.
I can't believe I'm so pathetic I just wrote this long blog about it. Somebody help me.
Monday, July 26, 2010
So many things...
I've really been in the mood to write lately but I've got so much I want to say that I'm overwhelmed by it and as a result I haven't written anything. Stupid I know. So I'm going to empty the inbox in my brain really quick so that I can focus on other things I want to spend more time on.
1. Lagoon. I've hated Lagoon for a long time. I'm not an amusement park girl. I'm a Disneyland girl. Lagoon is hot, crowded, and I don't fit in because I don't have tattoos, smoke, or wear a bikini top with a mesh shirt over it. Last summer though while I was in Cleveland I went with Will to Cedar Point. Which is a big deal. Tallest, fastest roller coasters in the US. I had a good day but I'm not sure Will did. I was a total baby. I was scared to ride most the coasters and the ones I did made me totally sick. I should've learned my lesson. But a couple weeks ago my roommate had really cheap tickets to Lagoon. I was determined to go and have a good time and not be a baby/snob. It didn't happen. I rode about three rides before I was staggering off of Colossus and locating the nearest garbage can. I tried to be fun and I just ended up sick. Its official. My roller coaster days are over. I always wondered why my mom insisted on being a party pooper, sitting under a tree with the stroller. Now I know she was saving herself from a day of nausea and the humiliation of public puking. (Note: I did not actually puke. But I was very very close.)
2. The Garden: I've rented a plot in a community garden nearby this summer. With the help of Rachelle and my sisters we've been feeling our way blindly through the delicate art of gardening. We planted peas, beans, watermelon, cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, peppers, zucchini, and a pumpkin. I've had a handful of peas, and zucchini. Lots and lots of zucchini. More zucchini than I can eat. I suck at growing anything else. The lettuce was a major failure. A had a few peppers but they were kind of bitter. The melons and pumpkin are coming along ok. Everything else is really struggling. But the zucchini man...I can't keep up with it.
I've had some friends request I write my thoughts about being a single gal who is trying not to be a single gal...but I've been hesitant. I guess with my blog private I know exactly who my readership is and I don't have to worry about offending anyone right? What say you?
That's all for now. I thought there would be a lot more but I guess I've lost some of the zeal I thought I had.
1. Lagoon. I've hated Lagoon for a long time. I'm not an amusement park girl. I'm a Disneyland girl. Lagoon is hot, crowded, and I don't fit in because I don't have tattoos, smoke, or wear a bikini top with a mesh shirt over it. Last summer though while I was in Cleveland I went with Will to Cedar Point. Which is a big deal. Tallest, fastest roller coasters in the US. I had a good day but I'm not sure Will did. I was a total baby. I was scared to ride most the coasters and the ones I did made me totally sick. I should've learned my lesson. But a couple weeks ago my roommate had really cheap tickets to Lagoon. I was determined to go and have a good time and not be a baby/snob. It didn't happen. I rode about three rides before I was staggering off of Colossus and locating the nearest garbage can. I tried to be fun and I just ended up sick. Its official. My roller coaster days are over. I always wondered why my mom insisted on being a party pooper, sitting under a tree with the stroller. Now I know she was saving herself from a day of nausea and the humiliation of public puking. (Note: I did not actually puke. But I was very very close.)
2. The Garden: I've rented a plot in a community garden nearby this summer. With the help of Rachelle and my sisters we've been feeling our way blindly through the delicate art of gardening. We planted peas, beans, watermelon, cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, peppers, zucchini, and a pumpkin. I've had a handful of peas, and zucchini. Lots and lots of zucchini. More zucchini than I can eat. I suck at growing anything else. The lettuce was a major failure. A had a few peppers but they were kind of bitter. The melons and pumpkin are coming along ok. Everything else is really struggling. But the zucchini man...I can't keep up with it.
I've had some friends request I write my thoughts about being a single gal who is trying not to be a single gal...but I've been hesitant. I guess with my blog private I know exactly who my readership is and I don't have to worry about offending anyone right? What say you?
That's all for now. I thought there would be a lot more but I guess I've lost some of the zeal I thought I had.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Shrinkage
Last summer my mom bought me a maxi dress from Target. It was perfect. I loved it. Except for one thing. It was super long. Maxi dresses are supposed to be exaggerated in length but I'm talking like inches of dress on the floor. The crazy thing was is that I'm kind of a tall person. Who was this dress made for? Sometimes my mom buys me XXL from Target because she thinks everything there runs small. So I figured it was just really big. But nope, it was just a regular ole large.
I took it to a tailor and had 4 INCHES taken off. 4 INCHES! And it still hit the floor. I've loved it and wear it all the time.
Today I found out why it was so long. I washed and dried it and when I pulled it out of the dryer it didn't seem to have as much length. I held it up to myself and it hit me about mid-calf.
Damn.
Now I'm sad. Anyone have a human shrinking technique I could try so I won't look silly in my favorite dress?
I took it to a tailor and had 4 INCHES taken off. 4 INCHES! And it still hit the floor. I've loved it and wear it all the time.
Today I found out why it was so long. I washed and dried it and when I pulled it out of the dryer it didn't seem to have as much length. I held it up to myself and it hit me about mid-calf.
Damn.
Now I'm sad. Anyone have a human shrinking technique I could try so I won't look silly in my favorite dress?
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Swim Lessons from Hell
This has been a long week. And its because I've started swim lessons. They've been a total disaster. I've taught swim lesson for like 8 years and I've never had them go this badly.
Here's some background: I'm teaching at a private swim club and I am not employed by the club. I'm a contracted private instructor. I give them a (big) cut of what I make. I'm teaching with another girl named Paige whom I have never met and she has been handling all of the registration. We've set it up so that we will do four sessions that will have four classes a day for eight days for forty minutes. Are you following? Doesn't matter. Here's the point: Paige has been on vacation this week. Because I need the income I didn't want to wait another week to start so this week I did a short "Jump Start" session with only five, forty minute lessons in it. Also the pool manager who got me this gig has been out of town this week too.
So the problems started when I didn't have a huge enrollment for my jump start. So I condensed the 6-7 kids I had registered into two classes instead of four. Immediately I had a mom (Mom A we'll call her) email and say that her kids were at a higher level than the other kids I had put them with. I called her back and politely explained that I understood her concern but the class sizes were so small I would be able to cater to her individual swimmer's need, and to bring her kids on Monday morning, I would asses them and if I needed to make changes I would. I could tell she still wasn't pleased.
That's where everything stood as of Monday morning here's a run down of how things have gone since then.
Monday: First lesson consisted of only two girls. Mom A's kid was indeed a better swimmer than Mom B's kid (Mom B plays a later role). But there was only two kids which essentially meant each student got 20 minutes of my time. Can't beat that with a bat!
Second lesson was a disaster. I had way more kids than I was expecting. I had one sign up that day, I had another come at the wrong time. I had a total of 6 kids. Some were wearing swim diapers. Others were starting kindergarten. Kids were crying, not cooperating. Mom B's kid (one of the ones in swim diapers) nearly drowned three times because he kept stepping off the step into water over his head.
It was obvious I needed to split the second lesson into two. I made the announcement of the changes to the parents present. Mom A and Mom B were conspicuously not present. I caught Mom A on my way out and told her of the changes I could tell she still wasn't pleased.
Monday night: Both Mom A and Mom B emailed me and told me they had contacted my friend the pool manager and Paige whom I have never met to tell them they had serious concerns and were pulling their kids from the lessons and they wanted a refund (the reasons they offered were totally bogus but I won't get into them here.) I couldn't help but take it personally. Mom A I think had made her mind up to pull her kids before they started and I'm positive Mom B was heavily influenced by Mom A.
Tuesday: Lifeguard doesn't show up. With both kids being pulled from my first lesson I was back to only two lessons. Due to another mix up that was a parent's fault I only had one student in my first lesson. Second lesson was a disaster again. It now had only four students in it. I had another little girl step of the edge into water over her head and because there was no lifeguard to spot her and I was busy with another kid, classy mom in a black and white striped hat had to literally drop her 8 month old and go in after her daughter. So embarrassed. Another little boy kept getting out hoping his mom would bail him out stepped on a bee and got stung. Again no lifeguard to help and I'm in the water with three other little ones unable to help. Disaster.
Wednesday: Pool heater shut off during the night. Pool temp was at 80 degrees. Fine for Michael Phelps not cool for kids under five. Blue lips for everyone!
Thursday (today): Stormed last night. Cleared up during the night but left the temp around a balmy 50. Checked pool temp and it was still at 80. Air temp and water temp still much to cold for little swimmers so I had to cancel and reschedule for Saturday when I should be headed to Logan for a wedding.
We'll see what kind of adventure tomorrow brings. I know things will be better when the pool manager is back but I'm real perturbed that the parents think that this Paige will fix everything. Here's the thing about Paige. She's never taught before. She's taken the certification course but she's never taught before.
I can't wait for this to be over.
Sorry so long. It was kind of therapeutic though.
Here's some background: I'm teaching at a private swim club and I am not employed by the club. I'm a contracted private instructor. I give them a (big) cut of what I make. I'm teaching with another girl named Paige whom I have never met and she has been handling all of the registration. We've set it up so that we will do four sessions that will have four classes a day for eight days for forty minutes. Are you following? Doesn't matter. Here's the point: Paige has been on vacation this week. Because I need the income I didn't want to wait another week to start so this week I did a short "Jump Start" session with only five, forty minute lessons in it. Also the pool manager who got me this gig has been out of town this week too.
So the problems started when I didn't have a huge enrollment for my jump start. So I condensed the 6-7 kids I had registered into two classes instead of four. Immediately I had a mom (Mom A we'll call her) email and say that her kids were at a higher level than the other kids I had put them with. I called her back and politely explained that I understood her concern but the class sizes were so small I would be able to cater to her individual swimmer's need, and to bring her kids on Monday morning, I would asses them and if I needed to make changes I would. I could tell she still wasn't pleased.
That's where everything stood as of Monday morning here's a run down of how things have gone since then.
Monday: First lesson consisted of only two girls. Mom A's kid was indeed a better swimmer than Mom B's kid (Mom B plays a later role). But there was only two kids which essentially meant each student got 20 minutes of my time. Can't beat that with a bat!
Second lesson was a disaster. I had way more kids than I was expecting. I had one sign up that day, I had another come at the wrong time. I had a total of 6 kids. Some were wearing swim diapers. Others were starting kindergarten. Kids were crying, not cooperating. Mom B's kid (one of the ones in swim diapers) nearly drowned three times because he kept stepping off the step into water over his head.
It was obvious I needed to split the second lesson into two. I made the announcement of the changes to the parents present. Mom A and Mom B were conspicuously not present. I caught Mom A on my way out and told her of the changes I could tell she still wasn't pleased.
Monday night: Both Mom A and Mom B emailed me and told me they had contacted my friend the pool manager and Paige whom I have never met to tell them they had serious concerns and were pulling their kids from the lessons and they wanted a refund (the reasons they offered were totally bogus but I won't get into them here.) I couldn't help but take it personally. Mom A I think had made her mind up to pull her kids before they started and I'm positive Mom B was heavily influenced by Mom A.
Tuesday: Lifeguard doesn't show up. With both kids being pulled from my first lesson I was back to only two lessons. Due to another mix up that was a parent's fault I only had one student in my first lesson. Second lesson was a disaster again. It now had only four students in it. I had another little girl step of the edge into water over her head and because there was no lifeguard to spot her and I was busy with another kid, classy mom in a black and white striped hat had to literally drop her 8 month old and go in after her daughter. So embarrassed. Another little boy kept getting out hoping his mom would bail him out stepped on a bee and got stung. Again no lifeguard to help and I'm in the water with three other little ones unable to help. Disaster.
Wednesday: Pool heater shut off during the night. Pool temp was at 80 degrees. Fine for Michael Phelps not cool for kids under five. Blue lips for everyone!
Thursday (today): Stormed last night. Cleared up during the night but left the temp around a balmy 50. Checked pool temp and it was still at 80. Air temp and water temp still much to cold for little swimmers so I had to cancel and reschedule for Saturday when I should be headed to Logan for a wedding.
We'll see what kind of adventure tomorrow brings. I know things will be better when the pool manager is back but I'm real perturbed that the parents think that this Paige will fix everything. Here's the thing about Paige. She's never taught before. She's taken the certification course but she's never taught before.
I can't wait for this to be over.
Sorry so long. It was kind of therapeutic though.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Swimming
I went swimming today for the first time in I don't know how long. I swam a thousand yards and it was tough. Tougher than it ever has been. I used to swim a straight thousand for warm up (I had a lazy coach).
I consider myself to be a relatively athletic person but time and time again I am reminded that my body was not built for running, jumping and other land related movements. I'm just slow. Embarrassingly so. I've started to play a little tennis and I totally have the coordination to hit the ball over the net. My problem with tennis is getting to the ball. I'm just not quick enough.
I was however built for the water. Recently I've learned that I'm more buoyant than other (most?) people. (Insert obvious and inappropriate flotation device joke here). I have always moved really well in the water. Sometimes I wonder if I have a strong back and shoulders because I'm a swimmer or I'm a swimmer because I have a strong back and shoulders. My mom was telling me the other day that she took me to a mom and tot class when I was three and I made it miserable for everyone. I screamed and fought the whole time. Even though I apparently hated it it must have stuck because the next summer I whizzed through all five levels of swim lessons at the rec center. I was always the kid that was in the pool for hours uninterrupted when we went in the summer.
I wasn't in love with competitive swimming. I wasn't all that fast. But I LOVED playing water polo. Its maybe the only thing that has really come naturally to me. Without much coaching at all I took to that sport like a duck to water (pun intended). I somehow knew without anyone telling me how to maneuver myself, where to put the ball, how to get around the defense etc. The problem with being really good at water sports is that not many other people are. Lap swimming is a pretty solitary activity. And have you ever heard someone say "Hey lets get some friends together and play a pick up game of water polo?" I'm lucky if people know what the game is let alone how to play it. People are always amazed that water polo players tread water for the entire game (touching the bottom is illegal). I'm amazed that a soccer player runs for 90 minutes. God made some people good at running and jumping. He made me good at treading water.
Which brings me back to my experience at the pool this evening. Even in my sad state I could still swim circles around most the people I know. But man I did not love how hard it was for me. There were a couple of walls it seemed too much work to do flip turns! I've never felt that way. Flip turns and I have always been friends. The other thing that surprised me is that my goggles were hurting. I kept adjusting but it never got better. I realized its because I've lost the calluses around my eyes from wearing swedes so much. I'm going to have to start wearing padded goggles. PADDED GOGGLES! Like I'm some kind of guppy.
One of the advantages of swimming is its not that hard on the body. I don't have any lingering knee or ankle injuries. Sometimes my shoulders will get really stiff and pop but I don't think its unusual. The one part of my body that doesn't seem to have the tolerance for swimming they once did is my ears. The water hurts my ears.
Anyway, I've set a goal to be able to swim 6 x 100 on 1:30s by the end of the summer. I used to do that no sweat. Maybe I'll start at 12 x 50 on a minute. We'll see if I can do it.
Sorry so long. Geez.
I consider myself to be a relatively athletic person but time and time again I am reminded that my body was not built for running, jumping and other land related movements. I'm just slow. Embarrassingly so. I've started to play a little tennis and I totally have the coordination to hit the ball over the net. My problem with tennis is getting to the ball. I'm just not quick enough.
I was however built for the water. Recently I've learned that I'm more buoyant than other (most?) people. (Insert obvious and inappropriate flotation device joke here). I have always moved really well in the water. Sometimes I wonder if I have a strong back and shoulders because I'm a swimmer or I'm a swimmer because I have a strong back and shoulders. My mom was telling me the other day that she took me to a mom and tot class when I was three and I made it miserable for everyone. I screamed and fought the whole time. Even though I apparently hated it it must have stuck because the next summer I whizzed through all five levels of swim lessons at the rec center. I was always the kid that was in the pool for hours uninterrupted when we went in the summer.
I wasn't in love with competitive swimming. I wasn't all that fast. But I LOVED playing water polo. Its maybe the only thing that has really come naturally to me. Without much coaching at all I took to that sport like a duck to water (pun intended). I somehow knew without anyone telling me how to maneuver myself, where to put the ball, how to get around the defense etc. The problem with being really good at water sports is that not many other people are. Lap swimming is a pretty solitary activity. And have you ever heard someone say "Hey lets get some friends together and play a pick up game of water polo?" I'm lucky if people know what the game is let alone how to play it. People are always amazed that water polo players tread water for the entire game (touching the bottom is illegal). I'm amazed that a soccer player runs for 90 minutes. God made some people good at running and jumping. He made me good at treading water.
Which brings me back to my experience at the pool this evening. Even in my sad state I could still swim circles around most the people I know. But man I did not love how hard it was for me. There were a couple of walls it seemed too much work to do flip turns! I've never felt that way. Flip turns and I have always been friends. The other thing that surprised me is that my goggles were hurting. I kept adjusting but it never got better. I realized its because I've lost the calluses around my eyes from wearing swedes so much. I'm going to have to start wearing padded goggles. PADDED GOGGLES! Like I'm some kind of guppy.
One of the advantages of swimming is its not that hard on the body. I don't have any lingering knee or ankle injuries. Sometimes my shoulders will get really stiff and pop but I don't think its unusual. The one part of my body that doesn't seem to have the tolerance for swimming they once did is my ears. The water hurts my ears.
Anyway, I've set a goal to be able to swim 6 x 100 on 1:30s by the end of the summer. I used to do that no sweat. Maybe I'll start at 12 x 50 on a minute. We'll see if I can do it.
Sorry so long. Geez.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Quarter Century Golden Birthday!
Yes folks, you heard right. Today I'm 25 on the 25th. It's my GOLDEN BIRTHDAY! Not only is it my golden birthday but I'm also turning a quarter century old. (Whoa!) I've always been kind of a downer on my birthday...I don't know if its unmet expectations, or loneliness or worry over my age but for whatever reason I always get a little melancholy. BUT NOT THIS YEAR! This day is too epic to get the blues. So to really drive this home I've compiled a list that is a representation of the good things I've accumulated in my 25 years. On it you will find reasons I am happy, things that make me happy and things that I am grateful for.
So without further ado and in no particular order...
1. My Family (you know who you are.)
2. Friends. Seriously, I've always had really great friends. You guys mean a lot to me and have helped shape the person that I am.
3. A job. I hate you but I'm glad I have you. I'd be very sad, and poor(er), without you.
4. The fifth of the condo I occupy. You're nice. I'm positive I couldn't get better for the price I'm paying.
5. Cable television. Sad but true.(although I know I'd be more grateful for satellite)
6. The restored gospel. If this list was in order this would be at the top. Nothing in my life is more responsible for my health, happiness, sanity, peace etc. It is everything to me. (am I a totally terrible person that I listed this AFTER cable tv? I said it was in no particular order...)
7. Frozen yogurt. Really, you are all I need..
8. Muddy Buddies. If I can't have fro yo, I'll take you.
9. My Subaru. You ride smooth, you go fast, you get good gas mileage, and you look like a sporty, grown-up lady car.
10. hot showers
11. red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. Only for special times.
12. to know what I'm worth and what I deserve (this I am continually learning is a rare thing. Thus making it very valuable.)
13. Peonies. They remind me of spring time, my birthday, and my Grandpa Don.
14. I'm grateful that I'm debt free. I don't think I even realize how great a blessing this is.
15. My dad, although I've been a reluctant learner and at times have doubted your credibility because you say damn and drink beer you've taught me so many practical things.
16. My mom, nobody in my life delivers a quicker dose of reality than you. Nobody loves me fiercer than you (like Tyra).
17. Sturdy bras ("it may be where God put them, but its not where he want them")
18. I'm grateful for Sarah telling me she loves me every time we get off the phone.
19. I'm grateful for Michael choosing to serve a mission.
20. Skin that tans well.
21. My skills in the kitchen that are growing and growing. I really find so much joy in taking beautiful wholesome raw materials and creating something that is so good and so good for you.
22. I'm grateful for the endurance to keep trying after I keep getting my nose pushed in the dirt by boys (men?) who won't give me a chance. I don't know how or why I'm able to brush it off but I'm so grateful I can.
23. Scrabble. Even though the only person that plays with me beats me every time. Its worth losing to still play with him.
24. My education. To some degree I am the sum of all the things I've learned.
25. To be 25. I'm so grateful to be young, single (yes, you heard me right) and to have the world at my feet. To go and do whatever I want, whenever I want with my past behind me, my future in front of me and enjoying the present as often as I can.
So without further ado and in no particular order...
1. My Family (you know who you are.)
2. Friends. Seriously, I've always had really great friends. You guys mean a lot to me and have helped shape the person that I am.
3. A job. I hate you but I'm glad I have you. I'd be very sad, and poor(er), without you.
4. The fifth of the condo I occupy. You're nice. I'm positive I couldn't get better for the price I'm paying.
5. Cable television. Sad but true.(although I know I'd be more grateful for satellite)
6. The restored gospel. If this list was in order this would be at the top. Nothing in my life is more responsible for my health, happiness, sanity, peace etc. It is everything to me. (am I a totally terrible person that I listed this AFTER cable tv? I said it was in no particular order...)
7. Frozen yogurt. Really, you are all I need..
8. Muddy Buddies. If I can't have fro yo, I'll take you.
9. My Subaru. You ride smooth, you go fast, you get good gas mileage, and you look like a sporty, grown-up lady car.
10. hot showers
11. red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. Only for special times.
12. to know what I'm worth and what I deserve (this I am continually learning is a rare thing. Thus making it very valuable.)
13. Peonies. They remind me of spring time, my birthday, and my Grandpa Don.
14. I'm grateful that I'm debt free. I don't think I even realize how great a blessing this is.
15. My dad, although I've been a reluctant learner and at times have doubted your credibility because you say damn and drink beer you've taught me so many practical things.
16. My mom, nobody in my life delivers a quicker dose of reality than you. Nobody loves me fiercer than you (like Tyra).
17. Sturdy bras ("it may be where God put them, but its not where he want them")
18. I'm grateful for Sarah telling me she loves me every time we get off the phone.
19. I'm grateful for Michael choosing to serve a mission.
20. Skin that tans well.
21. My skills in the kitchen that are growing and growing. I really find so much joy in taking beautiful wholesome raw materials and creating something that is so good and so good for you.
22. I'm grateful for the endurance to keep trying after I keep getting my nose pushed in the dirt by boys (men?) who won't give me a chance. I don't know how or why I'm able to brush it off but I'm so grateful I can.
23. Scrabble. Even though the only person that plays with me beats me every time. Its worth losing to still play with him.
24. My education. To some degree I am the sum of all the things I've learned.
25. To be 25. I'm so grateful to be young, single (yes, you heard me right) and to have the world at my feet. To go and do whatever I want, whenever I want with my past behind me, my future in front of me and enjoying the present as often as I can.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Hot Dads
So I went to the zoo today. I love the zoo. I didn't get to see the bears because their exhibit is being redone so they weren't there but I did get to see the baby elephant and the elusive gray wolf which made my day.
But there was another creature at the zoo today that I've never noticed before. There was some really attractive men there. There was one in particular that may have been the most attractive man I've ever seen.
And they were all pushing strollers.
F MINUS!
My friend suggested that maybe they were single dads. My luck is not that good. In fact my luck is horrible.
There are some girls that spend their weekends going on overnight trips to hot springs with attractive lawyers and then get taken to game 3 of the Jazz/Lakers series the next night.
I'm the kind of girl that stays home and bakes cookies for mother's day.
Ok. Pity party over. Those cookies won't bake themselves.
But there was another creature at the zoo today that I've never noticed before. There was some really attractive men there. There was one in particular that may have been the most attractive man I've ever seen.
And they were all pushing strollers.
F MINUS!
My friend suggested that maybe they were single dads. My luck is not that good. In fact my luck is horrible.
There are some girls that spend their weekends going on overnight trips to hot springs with attractive lawyers and then get taken to game 3 of the Jazz/Lakers series the next night.
I'm the kind of girl that stays home and bakes cookies for mother's day.
Ok. Pity party over. Those cookies won't bake themselves.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
The 100 Day Burpee Challenge
If you don't know what a burpee is look here and try not to be distracted by the very fit lady's fake boobs.
No, its not a soda drinking contest, no, they don't make me burp (but sometimes they make me do something else...), and yes, I know that a burpee doesn't technically include a push-up but for the sake of the challenge I'm doing the push-up.
At the beginning of the year I had a desire to get fit. This desire was shared by a friend of mine in OH. My friend was invited by his friend to do the challenge. My friend invited me.
The challenge is this: Starting February 8th with one burpee you add a burpee everyday for 100 days. Today, if you're curious is day 77. If you miss a day they have to be made up.
At first I had zero interest in doing this. I'm not competitive. For me fitness is more about your lifestyle and less about how many reps of an exercise you do. I'm not one of those slightly nutty people that need to run marathons just to see what there bodies can do. And I didn't want to commit to something I didn't really want to do.
And then I told a couple friends and roommates about it. They got excited. In theory its not that tough. If you can do one, you can do two. If you can do fifty-three, you can do fifty-four. I figured if I didn't have to do it alone and had friends to celebrate the mile markers (days 25, 50, 75) with it would be doable. Maybe even fun!
In practice though it gets a little tougher. Especially if you miss a day and have to double up on them. I'll save you the suspense and tell you that nobody made it with me past day 25.
I've kept at it for a couple reasons: 1. Because I committed to it. I wasn't excited about it but I promised myself I'd do it, I know I can do, so I'm just doing it. 2. I'm hoping for a good payoff as far as fitness is concerned and 3. I promised myself my first ever full body massage if I made it to day 100.
Going solo in the burpee challenge is like being a Mormon with a whole bunch of non-member friends who know your standards. Everyone polices you. Even if you wanted to you're not getting away with an R rated film, a curse word or a drink or a smoke. Nobody's letting me give up. Its kind of nice to have the encouragement. Until they start getting critical about my form. Telling me I'm not jumping high enough or pressing hard enough in my push-up. To them I say: Are YOU doing the burpee challenge? No? Then leave me be.
So is it paying off? Yeah it is. I noticed a difference in my arms almost immediately. They started getting tighter and even a little cut. When I measured a month ago I had gained an inch in my arms since I started. Which made me mad. That's not exactly what I wanted. I mean a girl that looks like she can lift a car over her head isn't exactly the look I'm going for but I'm in too deep now to quit. I next noticed my thighs getting tighter. Followed by my butt. And last but not least my middle is following suit. In fact I moved from the second to the third notch in my belt yesterday. Its not so much that I've gotten slimmer as I've gotten tighter which again isn't exactly what I wanted but its better than fat and soft yeah?
Anyway, I'm in the home stretch. 23 days. Except it'll be the hardest 23 days so far. Sigh. I've got that massage on the horizon though. Wish me luck. But don't bug me about how deep my push-up is please.
No, its not a soda drinking contest, no, they don't make me burp (but sometimes they make me do something else...), and yes, I know that a burpee doesn't technically include a push-up but for the sake of the challenge I'm doing the push-up.
At the beginning of the year I had a desire to get fit. This desire was shared by a friend of mine in OH. My friend was invited by his friend to do the challenge. My friend invited me.
The challenge is this: Starting February 8th with one burpee you add a burpee everyday for 100 days. Today, if you're curious is day 77. If you miss a day they have to be made up.
At first I had zero interest in doing this. I'm not competitive. For me fitness is more about your lifestyle and less about how many reps of an exercise you do. I'm not one of those slightly nutty people that need to run marathons just to see what there bodies can do. And I didn't want to commit to something I didn't really want to do.
And then I told a couple friends and roommates about it. They got excited. In theory its not that tough. If you can do one, you can do two. If you can do fifty-three, you can do fifty-four. I figured if I didn't have to do it alone and had friends to celebrate the mile markers (days 25, 50, 75) with it would be doable. Maybe even fun!
In practice though it gets a little tougher. Especially if you miss a day and have to double up on them. I'll save you the suspense and tell you that nobody made it with me past day 25.
I've kept at it for a couple reasons: 1. Because I committed to it. I wasn't excited about it but I promised myself I'd do it, I know I can do, so I'm just doing it. 2. I'm hoping for a good payoff as far as fitness is concerned and 3. I promised myself my first ever full body massage if I made it to day 100.
Going solo in the burpee challenge is like being a Mormon with a whole bunch of non-member friends who know your standards. Everyone polices you. Even if you wanted to you're not getting away with an R rated film, a curse word or a drink or a smoke. Nobody's letting me give up. Its kind of nice to have the encouragement. Until they start getting critical about my form. Telling me I'm not jumping high enough or pressing hard enough in my push-up. To them I say: Are YOU doing the burpee challenge? No? Then leave me be.
So is it paying off? Yeah it is. I noticed a difference in my arms almost immediately. They started getting tighter and even a little cut. When I measured a month ago I had gained an inch in my arms since I started. Which made me mad. That's not exactly what I wanted. I mean a girl that looks like she can lift a car over her head isn't exactly the look I'm going for but I'm in too deep now to quit. I next noticed my thighs getting tighter. Followed by my butt. And last but not least my middle is following suit. In fact I moved from the second to the third notch in my belt yesterday. Its not so much that I've gotten slimmer as I've gotten tighter which again isn't exactly what I wanted but its better than fat and soft yeah?
Anyway, I'm in the home stretch. 23 days. Except it'll be the hardest 23 days so far. Sigh. I've got that massage on the horizon though. Wish me luck. But don't bug me about how deep my push-up is please.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Where the pad hits the snow
I love to ski. Of this there is no doubt. Luckily, my dad put a pair of skis on me at a young enough age that my "You've got to be joking. There's no way I'm doing that" reflex hadn't kicked in yet (which if you were curious was at about 5 yrs old). I was never very serious about it due to lack of funds, gear and skill until my senior senior year (5th year) of college got a little depressing. All my best friends had graduated and left me alone in freezing cold Logan and I had broken up with a guy who I was still in a ward with who insisted being a total jerk to me. I needed a distraction. And I chose skiing.
I got my own gear for Christmas and I signed up for USU's skiing class at Beaver Mountain which for $100 got me six lessons and six half day's worth of skiing. This was a game changer. Skiing suddenly went from something I did because I grew up at the foot of the Rockies and my dad was paying to something I really loved and was pretty good at.
The class I was in at Beaver Mountain consisted of three girls and one shy, slightly stout young man with a brand new pair of nice skis. Our instructor was a good-looking, middle-aged guy who did something a couple days a week that earned him enough money to ski whenever he wanted. On our last day of class we had arranged to have a little potluck at the top of the mountain (I brought muddy buddies of course). We rode the lift and skied a little ways down to a spot where the run curved and flattened out. My instructor demonstrated how to stick our skis straight up in the snow so that it made a chair back when you sat on the snow. The three girls got there skis in the ground in a jiff and promptly plopped down and started passing the food around. Our instructor busied himself with a piece of gear. After a bit I noticed that the guy in our class had put his skis in the snow but had moved away from us a little bit. He was holding and looking at one of his bare hands. Then I noticed the red drops in the snow.
I asked if he was alright. Turns out he put his skis in the snow using his bare hands and the brand new sharp edge of his brand new skis had sliced him right in the soft skin between two of his fingers. Someone suggested holding some snow on it to stop the bleeding. He picked a chunk up and held in between his fingers and it was instantly red. It was really bleeding. It wasn't long before the area around us looked like a small helpless animal had lost a fight with a less helpless animal with big teeth.
My instructor started checking his pockets for a band aid (although I think we knew a band aid wasn't going to cut it) but he came up empty. I started brainstorming what piece of gear (hat, gator) I could sacrifice for the cause when the girl next to me leaned over and whispered "I have a pad"...I was about to sarcastically congratulate her for getting her period when the light came on and I started to laugh. "Should I tell him?" she whispered.
"What?" our instructor asked.
"She has a maxi pad."
A smile spread onto my instructor's face. "That'll do it." he said.
And so it was that this quiet guy who probably got red in the face at the mere mention of a maxi pad, ended up with a big ol' overnighter wrapped around his bleeding hand to ski down the mountain to the first aid hut.
I mean really, can you think of anything more appropriate for absorbing blood? In fact this experience convinced me that every first aid kit should include one. It has also made me paranoid about handling my skis with my bare hands.
I got my own gear for Christmas and I signed up for USU's skiing class at Beaver Mountain which for $100 got me six lessons and six half day's worth of skiing. This was a game changer. Skiing suddenly went from something I did because I grew up at the foot of the Rockies and my dad was paying to something I really loved and was pretty good at.
The class I was in at Beaver Mountain consisted of three girls and one shy, slightly stout young man with a brand new pair of nice skis. Our instructor was a good-looking, middle-aged guy who did something a couple days a week that earned him enough money to ski whenever he wanted. On our last day of class we had arranged to have a little potluck at the top of the mountain (I brought muddy buddies of course). We rode the lift and skied a little ways down to a spot where the run curved and flattened out. My instructor demonstrated how to stick our skis straight up in the snow so that it made a chair back when you sat on the snow. The three girls got there skis in the ground in a jiff and promptly plopped down and started passing the food around. Our instructor busied himself with a piece of gear. After a bit I noticed that the guy in our class had put his skis in the snow but had moved away from us a little bit. He was holding and looking at one of his bare hands. Then I noticed the red drops in the snow.
I asked if he was alright. Turns out he put his skis in the snow using his bare hands and the brand new sharp edge of his brand new skis had sliced him right in the soft skin between two of his fingers. Someone suggested holding some snow on it to stop the bleeding. He picked a chunk up and held in between his fingers and it was instantly red. It was really bleeding. It wasn't long before the area around us looked like a small helpless animal had lost a fight with a less helpless animal with big teeth.
My instructor started checking his pockets for a band aid (although I think we knew a band aid wasn't going to cut it) but he came up empty. I started brainstorming what piece of gear (hat, gator) I could sacrifice for the cause when the girl next to me leaned over and whispered "I have a pad"...I was about to sarcastically congratulate her for getting her period when the light came on and I started to laugh. "Should I tell him?" she whispered.
"What?" our instructor asked.
"She has a maxi pad."
A smile spread onto my instructor's face. "That'll do it." he said.
And so it was that this quiet guy who probably got red in the face at the mere mention of a maxi pad, ended up with a big ol' overnighter wrapped around his bleeding hand to ski down the mountain to the first aid hut.
I mean really, can you think of anything more appropriate for absorbing blood? In fact this experience convinced me that every first aid kit should include one. It has also made me paranoid about handling my skis with my bare hands.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Remember how I used to write a blog?
So two of my three faithful readers mentioned how I haven't been writing much lately.
To them I say: You are right.
And by way of explanation let me tell you a story:
Once upon a time I was a very cynical person. Then I fell in love. And I became less cynical. Dare I say romantic even. I feel pretty confident in saying that it was the most romantic I may ever be (see, there's that cynicism). After a time, it became necessary for me to not be in love anymore. With such a deliberate mindset to not be in love I reverted very quickly to what must be my natural state: cynicism.
In an effort to keep a lid on such negative emotions I've avoided posting because anything I would have to say of late would have an unhealthy dose of vinegar in it.
But I don't want to be cynical and I do want to write. So look forward to more (hopefully positive) posts.
My poor roommates get the unedited version of my usual rants. Poor things.
Thanks friends.
To them I say: You are right.
And by way of explanation let me tell you a story:
Once upon a time I was a very cynical person. Then I fell in love. And I became less cynical. Dare I say romantic even. I feel pretty confident in saying that it was the most romantic I may ever be (see, there's that cynicism). After a time, it became necessary for me to not be in love anymore. With such a deliberate mindset to not be in love I reverted very quickly to what must be my natural state: cynicism.
In an effort to keep a lid on such negative emotions I've avoided posting because anything I would have to say of late would have an unhealthy dose of vinegar in it.
But I don't want to be cynical and I do want to write. So look forward to more (hopefully positive) posts.
My poor roommates get the unedited version of my usual rants. Poor things.
Thanks friends.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Yes, This Is My Job
The following is an ACTUAL conversation I had with a fourteen year old yesterday (with minimal embellishment):
In the hallway, right after the tardy bell for sixth period
Me: Hannah* where were you during fifth period?
Hannah: I was there
Me: No, you weren't. I came to your classroom, you weren't there. I talked to your teacher, she hadn't seen you.
Hannah: Well, I was there.
Me: Hannah, 45 minutes in the bathroom from the time 5th starts til the time 5th ends is not called being in class. Its called skipping class. That's an unexcused absence. Which is a lunch detention.
Hannah: Whatever.
Me: How about 7th period. You've been absent in 7th for the past seven days. Where were you?
Hannah: I was there.
Me: You weren't there! I spoke to Mrs. Miller. She hasn't seen you in class for seven days! One of you is lying. Are you calling Mrs. Miller a liar?
Hannah: (shrugs) I guess.
Me: Really?! Really? Is your brain broken? Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I enjoy chasing your adolescent, truant ass all over the school? Well I don't, shocking I know. You know, I have a degree...I worked for a long time and paid a lot of money for it. And for what?! To check every bathroom stall in the building for you every hour. And guess what else? I get paid about as much as I did my senior year of high school. So maybe you could do us both a favor, save us some misery (cuz I know you can't stand the sight of me) and just GO TO CLASS.
Like I said. A little embellished.
In defense of Hannah...she's got a terrible home life and lives in an environment I can barely comprehend. Still, she doesn't seem to be motivated in the slightest to better her situation and manages to make my days miserable in the process.
*Name has been changed to protect the very, very guilty
In the hallway, right after the tardy bell for sixth period
Me: Hannah* where were you during fifth period?
Hannah: I was there
Me: No, you weren't. I came to your classroom, you weren't there. I talked to your teacher, she hadn't seen you.
Hannah: Well, I was there.
Me: Hannah, 45 minutes in the bathroom from the time 5th starts til the time 5th ends is not called being in class. Its called skipping class. That's an unexcused absence. Which is a lunch detention.
Hannah: Whatever.
Me: How about 7th period. You've been absent in 7th for the past seven days. Where were you?
Hannah: I was there.
Me: You weren't there! I spoke to Mrs. Miller. She hasn't seen you in class for seven days! One of you is lying. Are you calling Mrs. Miller a liar?
Hannah: (shrugs) I guess.
Me: Really?! Really? Is your brain broken? Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I enjoy chasing your adolescent, truant ass all over the school? Well I don't, shocking I know. You know, I have a degree...I worked for a long time and paid a lot of money for it. And for what?! To check every bathroom stall in the building for you every hour. And guess what else? I get paid about as much as I did my senior year of high school. So maybe you could do us both a favor, save us some misery (cuz I know you can't stand the sight of me) and just GO TO CLASS.
Like I said. A little embellished.
In defense of Hannah...she's got a terrible home life and lives in an environment I can barely comprehend. Still, she doesn't seem to be motivated in the slightest to better her situation and manages to make my days miserable in the process.
*Name has been changed to protect the very, very guilty
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Polygamy makes sense because...
The ratio of women to men in my sacrament meeting today was 4 to 1.
I've never been very good at math but I'm thinking with those odds somebody's not getting married.
I've never been very good at math but I'm thinking with those odds somebody's not getting married.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Dear John Mayer
You're making it REALLY hard (maybe even impossible) for me to be in love with you right now.
Stop trying so hard to be clever and shock everybody with what you say and who you've slept with. Shut your mouth and play the damn guitar.
I'm sorry I haven't given your latest album a full listen but its all about heartbreak and loneliness which is really not the kind of subject matter I can stomach right now.
We both know that its not as good as Continuum. I miss that John.
Maybe I'll get to see him again if you can stop being so self aware.
All the best,
Heather
Stop trying so hard to be clever and shock everybody with what you say and who you've slept with. Shut your mouth and play the damn guitar.
I'm sorry I haven't given your latest album a full listen but its all about heartbreak and loneliness which is really not the kind of subject matter I can stomach right now.
We both know that its not as good as Continuum. I miss that John.
Maybe I'll get to see him again if you can stop being so self aware.
All the best,
Heather
Monday, February 8, 2010
6 Word Memoir
While getting my daily dose of NPR today (total nerd, I know) they did a segment on some people who are compiling a book of 6 word memoirs. Apparently this isn't a new idea...they opened the segment by sharing an anecdote of someone asking Hemingway to write a six word novel. He penned:
For sale: baby shoes. Never worn.
Amazing! Whole story told right there. It reminded me of my favorite super bowl ad.
I was inspired to write my own and without hardly thinking about it at all I came up with:
Still can't get what I want.
I realized how selfish and ugly and ungrateful that sounded so I wrote a second chapter:
But I have what I need.
(I think I was subconsciously channeling the Stones) I guess that that's actually a 12 word memoir which is cheating but I'll just use them one at a time depending on my attitude (hopefully the first will hide away most the time).
In a world where we're learning to express ourselves in 140 characters or less I thought the 6 word memoir was very clever.
You should try it and submit them...I'd love to read them.
For sale: baby shoes. Never worn.
Amazing! Whole story told right there. It reminded me of my favorite super bowl ad.
I was inspired to write my own and without hardly thinking about it at all I came up with:
Still can't get what I want.
I realized how selfish and ugly and ungrateful that sounded so I wrote a second chapter:
But I have what I need.
(I think I was subconsciously channeling the Stones) I guess that that's actually a 12 word memoir which is cheating but I'll just use them one at a time depending on my attitude (hopefully the first will hide away most the time).
In a world where we're learning to express ourselves in 140 characters or less I thought the 6 word memoir was very clever.
You should try it and submit them...I'd love to read them.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Men Behaving Badly in the Work Place
Two things men have done to make me really uncomfortable this week:
1. I had to go talk to the over-tanned, crocodile shoe wearing police officer that works at my school about a truant student and while I was talking to him he glanced at my chest at least 3 times. And not just a quick peek either. Totally inappro. When his eyes would leave my face I would forget what I was talking about and feel...ashamed...I can't think of another word for it. That sucks. And isn't fair, that that stupid man who knows nothing about me could make me feel like that...IN THE WORK PLACE.
2. There's a kid I tutor at Sylvan Learning Center who's a senior. In general I like working with the older kids more. I'm better at and its more fun for me. This kid is pretty bright he's just a poor reader. I've enjoyed working with him but recently have been suspicious that maybe he's harboring a teacher crush. My suspicions were confirmed in a highly inappropriate manner when the other day when I was helping a student on me left, I felt a foot rub up against my leg on my right. I whipped around and gave him a "What do you think you're doing?!" And he just smiled and said he was just kidding. Yikes. I thought he was almost done with his time at the tutoring center and I wouldn't have to stress about anymore teacher crush behavior. But alas, I found out he's still got quite a few hours to go. Sigh.
1. I had to go talk to the over-tanned, crocodile shoe wearing police officer that works at my school about a truant student and while I was talking to him he glanced at my chest at least 3 times. And not just a quick peek either. Totally inappro. When his eyes would leave my face I would forget what I was talking about and feel...ashamed...I can't think of another word for it. That sucks. And isn't fair, that that stupid man who knows nothing about me could make me feel like that...IN THE WORK PLACE.
2. There's a kid I tutor at Sylvan Learning Center who's a senior. In general I like working with the older kids more. I'm better at and its more fun for me. This kid is pretty bright he's just a poor reader. I've enjoyed working with him but recently have been suspicious that maybe he's harboring a teacher crush. My suspicions were confirmed in a highly inappropriate manner when the other day when I was helping a student on me left, I felt a foot rub up against my leg on my right. I whipped around and gave him a "What do you think you're doing?!" And he just smiled and said he was just kidding. Yikes. I thought he was almost done with his time at the tutoring center and I wouldn't have to stress about anymore teacher crush behavior. But alas, I found out he's still got quite a few hours to go. Sigh.
Monday, January 18, 2010
An addendum to my last post
Sadie commented on my last post and pointed out how smart this friend of mine is and that after being married for almost three years it was about time she had another bridal shower.
HA HA! I agree. As long as we are throwing wedding etiquette out the window maybe I'll throw myself a bridal shower. If you can have one way after the fact why can't you have one way before the blessed event (so far even that you cannot see it in the near future)?
I need some new stuff too. I'll send you an invitation. What's your address?
HA HA! I agree. As long as we are throwing wedding etiquette out the window maybe I'll throw myself a bridal shower. If you can have one way after the fact why can't you have one way before the blessed event (so far even that you cannot see it in the near future)?
I need some new stuff too. I'll send you an invitation. What's your address?
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
A Wedding in Reverse
The awesome thing about my blog being private is that I can talk about stuff like the following:
Towards the end of October I had a friend from high school who I haven't really kept in close touch with send me a facebook message with the subject "addresses please"
It said the following:
"Updating my address book and sending out Christmas cards, send me your addresses please. I would love to send you a card."
Am I the only one that thinks that a single 24 year old woman thinking that far ahead about sending a Christmas card to her high school friends sounds a little unusual?
I wasted no time calling her bluff. And responded with:
"Christmas cards already? Are you sure your not secretly engaged and trying to surprise us? Haha."
Didn't hear anything after that UNTIL early December when I got an announcement from her that she had eloped with her boyfriend to Australia.
I thought this was totally awesome. I am a huge fan of the idea of an elopement. The older I get the more the idea of running off and not worrying about cake, flowers, dresses, seating arrangements, who to invite and who to leave out etc. sounds awesome.
I was supporting the whole thing until I realized that what I was looking at was not just an announcement but an invitation to a reception. What the?!
Isn't one of the reasons you elope so that you don't have to deal with all that stuff? I guess if you decide that you just can't wait to get married but still want to have the party with friends and fam (and all the gifts) I can understand that. So I put panty hose on and got a gift and went to the reception. It was formal. She was in her dress there were rented tuxes, there was a cake and flowers. In short it was a wedding. But the marriage was two months previous in Australia and nobody at the reception was invited to it.
I thought that was the end of that until this week when I got an invitation in the mail for a BRIDAL SHOWER for this same friend.
No. I will not. This is asking too much. If you wanted a shower with all the gifts and everyone to hem and haw at you and your engagement and marriage and what a pretty bride you'll be you should have followed all the rules. You broke the biggest rule which I think is awesome but you're undoing all of the awesomeness by doing all the things you forfeited by eloping.
I'm not going to the shower. I won't.
I'm not getting married. Not because I don't think I'll ever find a man to pop the question but because I don't see any way to have a fun wedding that highlights the importance of the event without all the stress and formalities.
Humbug.
Towards the end of October I had a friend from high school who I haven't really kept in close touch with send me a facebook message with the subject "addresses please"
It said the following:
"Updating my address book and sending out Christmas cards, send me your addresses please. I would love to send you a card."
Am I the only one that thinks that a single 24 year old woman thinking that far ahead about sending a Christmas card to her high school friends sounds a little unusual?
I wasted no time calling her bluff. And responded with:
"Christmas cards already? Are you sure your not secretly engaged and trying to surprise us? Haha."
Didn't hear anything after that UNTIL early December when I got an announcement from her that she had eloped with her boyfriend to Australia.
I thought this was totally awesome. I am a huge fan of the idea of an elopement. The older I get the more the idea of running off and not worrying about cake, flowers, dresses, seating arrangements, who to invite and who to leave out etc. sounds awesome.
I was supporting the whole thing until I realized that what I was looking at was not just an announcement but an invitation to a reception. What the?!
Isn't one of the reasons you elope so that you don't have to deal with all that stuff? I guess if you decide that you just can't wait to get married but still want to have the party with friends and fam (and all the gifts) I can understand that. So I put panty hose on and got a gift and went to the reception. It was formal. She was in her dress there were rented tuxes, there was a cake and flowers. In short it was a wedding. But the marriage was two months previous in Australia and nobody at the reception was invited to it.
I thought that was the end of that until this week when I got an invitation in the mail for a BRIDAL SHOWER for this same friend.
No. I will not. This is asking too much. If you wanted a shower with all the gifts and everyone to hem and haw at you and your engagement and marriage and what a pretty bride you'll be you should have followed all the rules. You broke the biggest rule which I think is awesome but you're undoing all of the awesomeness by doing all the things you forfeited by eloping.
I'm not going to the shower. I won't.
I'm not getting married. Not because I don't think I'll ever find a man to pop the question but because I don't see any way to have a fun wedding that highlights the importance of the event without all the stress and formalities.
Humbug.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
More on Truth and some other stuff
Guess who said the following:
"Truth has power, And if we all gravitate toward similar ideas, maybe we do so because those ideas are true...written deep within us. And when we hear the truth, even if we don't understand it, we feel that truth resonate within us...vibrating with out unconscious wisdom. Perhaps the truth is not learned by us, but with our unconscious wisdom. Perhaps the truth is not learned by us, but rather, the truth is re-called...re-membered...re-cogniazed...as that which is already inside us."
(..........)
Its a quote from a book I'm reading which I'm slightly embarrassed to admit is Dan Brown's new book The Lost Symbol (I'm not embarrassed to be reading it but I am embarrassed to be quoting it).
The reason why I brought it up is because I'm really interested in the idea of truth. In my head truth is something that people from all backgrounds, time, countries, religions agrees upon whether consciously or unconsciously.
One of the things I love about studying history is seeing the constants and patterns that occur. There are some things that exist in all civilizations. Everyone needs food, water, shelter etc. In every civilization there is love, fear, greed, pride etc. In every civilization there is a religious explanation for their existence. There is a plural or singular deity. Most have an explanation for what happens after death.
And although the details might be different, the time, language, and places are different the ideas are essentially the same. And its within those similarities that you find truth.
Like the quote above says; truth is not something learned but remembered. Its something that our spirit, that part of ourselves that most easily recalls God, knows and tries to tell us if we can be quiet enough.
I've read all three of Dan Brown's Robert Langdon series (Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, and The Lost Symbol) and while I think he's a great action packed, thriller writer he is not the religous expert people have given him the credit for being. He is first and foremost an entertainer. I think his style and purpose for writing are the same as Hollywood's. Its all about flashiness and shock and awe. When everyone was peeing their pants over the Da Vinci Code I couldn't believe the uproar that was caused within the Christian world. This guy wasn't an expert, he wasn't a religous leader or theologian. He's just a writer trying to sell some books. He has an interest in puzzles and riddles and an education in art history. That's it. So why did everyone freak out about the claims he made in his FICTIONAL NOVEL (spoiler alert: As a Mormon I think the idea of Christ having a wife makes total sense. I would never dare to venture that Mary was his wife on this earth and its an even bigger stretch to assume he has descendants but having the understanding I do about marriage and how it pertains to eternal life I don't understand how He couldn't be married.)
The thing that I like about reading Dan Brown's stuff is he gets so close to the truth and he always sets it up like its this incredible revelation. Like in the one I'm reading now he points out that all major religions teach that there is some point in the future where men will be more enlightened than they are now. He states that the apocolypse doesn't mean the end of the world it means the end of the world as we know it. Um, I hate to sound like a know it all but I already knew that. So many things he sets up as the this big scandalous thing like "apotheosis" which means the process by which man becomes like God. The characters in the book are so surprised that prominent men in history strived for such a thing but it seems like a pretty regular idea to me. Isn't the point of most (all?) religion to become more divine?
I also like that he writes characters that believe that science and religion can not only exist together but that they confirm each other.
I haven't finished Symbol yet so I can't weigh in on how I feel about it yet.
That's all really. Its a little scattered. Also I like that Langdon is a former water polo player.
"Truth has power, And if we all gravitate toward similar ideas, maybe we do so because those ideas are true...written deep within us. And when we hear the truth, even if we don't understand it, we feel that truth resonate within us...vibrating with out unconscious wisdom. Perhaps the truth is not learned by us, but with our unconscious wisdom. Perhaps the truth is not learned by us, but rather, the truth is re-called...re-membered...re-cogniazed...as that which is already inside us."
(..........)
Its a quote from a book I'm reading which I'm slightly embarrassed to admit is Dan Brown's new book The Lost Symbol (I'm not embarrassed to be reading it but I am embarrassed to be quoting it).
The reason why I brought it up is because I'm really interested in the idea of truth. In my head truth is something that people from all backgrounds, time, countries, religions agrees upon whether consciously or unconsciously.
One of the things I love about studying history is seeing the constants and patterns that occur. There are some things that exist in all civilizations. Everyone needs food, water, shelter etc. In every civilization there is love, fear, greed, pride etc. In every civilization there is a religious explanation for their existence. There is a plural or singular deity. Most have an explanation for what happens after death.
And although the details might be different, the time, language, and places are different the ideas are essentially the same. And its within those similarities that you find truth.
Like the quote above says; truth is not something learned but remembered. Its something that our spirit, that part of ourselves that most easily recalls God, knows and tries to tell us if we can be quiet enough.
I've read all three of Dan Brown's Robert Langdon series (Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, and The Lost Symbol) and while I think he's a great action packed, thriller writer he is not the religous expert people have given him the credit for being. He is first and foremost an entertainer. I think his style and purpose for writing are the same as Hollywood's. Its all about flashiness and shock and awe. When everyone was peeing their pants over the Da Vinci Code I couldn't believe the uproar that was caused within the Christian world. This guy wasn't an expert, he wasn't a religous leader or theologian. He's just a writer trying to sell some books. He has an interest in puzzles and riddles and an education in art history. That's it. So why did everyone freak out about the claims he made in his FICTIONAL NOVEL (spoiler alert: As a Mormon I think the idea of Christ having a wife makes total sense. I would never dare to venture that Mary was his wife on this earth and its an even bigger stretch to assume he has descendants but having the understanding I do about marriage and how it pertains to eternal life I don't understand how He couldn't be married.)
The thing that I like about reading Dan Brown's stuff is he gets so close to the truth and he always sets it up like its this incredible revelation. Like in the one I'm reading now he points out that all major religions teach that there is some point in the future where men will be more enlightened than they are now. He states that the apocolypse doesn't mean the end of the world it means the end of the world as we know it. Um, I hate to sound like a know it all but I already knew that. So many things he sets up as the this big scandalous thing like "apotheosis" which means the process by which man becomes like God. The characters in the book are so surprised that prominent men in history strived for such a thing but it seems like a pretty regular idea to me. Isn't the point of most (all?) religion to become more divine?
I also like that he writes characters that believe that science and religion can not only exist together but that they confirm each other.
I haven't finished Symbol yet so I can't weigh in on how I feel about it yet.
That's all really. Its a little scattered. Also I like that Langdon is a former water polo player.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Dear Readers,
To Sadie, Kerrie, Beckie and Jill (those are the people that I know for sure read this...)
And to whoever else this may concern,
I've decided to go private. So if you want to continue to read my very long, unnecessary posts please send me an email at hahandy@gmail.com and I will gladly add you.
I welcome everyone who reads me. Even if you're in the closet (not the gay kind) and I don't know about you.
Love,
Heather
And to whoever else this may concern,
I've decided to go private. So if you want to continue to read my very long, unnecessary posts please send me an email at hahandy@gmail.com and I will gladly add you.
I welcome everyone who reads me. Even if you're in the closet (not the gay kind) and I don't know about you.
Love,
Heather
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